Testing the Waters

[Atzar]

Early on, I thought this quest deserved a JC. Everything was extremely fluid and well-balanced, and it was a lot of fun to read. After that, though, it seemed like the fire in you two died. Things got repetitive and kind of lost their power. It was still a joy to read this quest, but had you managed to continue the mind-blowing web you were weaving early on, it would have been one of the best quests I’d ever read. Now, to the points:

STORY

Continuity: 8 Well done. It was obvious what each character was doing in this quest and why, and the way you guys intertwined your storylines was skillfully done. The way that the quest ended suggested that the relationship between Ira and Izvilvin isn’t over, but I thought it could have been done a little better – it left me a little disappointed at the end.

Setting: 8 Also well done. I always knew where you were and what everything looked like, and there was a fair amount of detail. The wound that Izvilvin suffered was painted well. I got a graphic description of it, and the way Izvilvin reacted to it was well-written. Ira, I thought at times that you just ignored your broken wrist as it was convenient to you. You were doing tasks that usually take two hands – plucking the birds, cooking them, etc. – without even mentioning any additional difficulty that the wound might have created. Other than this, however, it was your description in particular that really set the scene of the quest.

Pacing: 5.5 This was probably the weakest part of the quest. To start with, it looked as if Ira should have posted first in the quest – her post never reached Izvilvin’s first one chronologically, and that really stuck out. Also, you guys built a lot of tension before the return journey to Irrakam. Ira’s fear of all of the mishaps that could happen was detailed at length, and I felt that something should have happened after all of that.

CHARACTER

Dialogue: 9 Wow. The way that Izvilvin and Ira interacted with each other was stunning. I really loved the way you two worked the language barrier. The only thing that’s keeping this from a 10 is described in “Action”, but in this particular case that negative was overshadowed by the positiveness (new word!) of everything else.

Action: 6.5 Early on, I thought this would also be getting a 9 or 10. Unfortunately, things began getting repetitive later in the quest. The mind games between Ira and Izvilvin were amazingly well-described and realistic at the beginning, but they ultimately never went anywhere. “I really like you… now I don’t trust you… I still like you… I don’t trust you again…” Their opinion of each other kept getting yanked back and forth all throughout the quest, and the fact that little was done to resolve it at the end was disappointing. Ira, it looked like you were getting to it at the end of your last post, but then the quest just… ended.

Persona: 8 See “Dialogue” and “Action” for greater detail. The language barrier and their early relationship were amazingly-done. The relationship, however, never went anywhere at the end, and I was really expecting some sort of ‘conclusion’ (for lack of a better word).

WRITING STYLE

Mechanics: 7 Lots of run-ons and grammatical errors in Ira’s writing but very few spelling errors, nearly-flawless grammar in Izvilvin’s writing but more spelling errors that I found. Overall, nothing really hurt my read of the quest.

Technique: 8 The style of both Izvilvin’s and Ira’s writing is fun and easy to read. I love the way you guys seemed to get into your characters.

Clarity: 9 There were only a few occasions when I had to go back and reread a sentence or paragraph. Overall, it was very clear and easy to read.



Wild Card: 8 Good job overall… I was intimidated by the 60-post length at first, but it was a quick read nonetheless. It was a pleasure to read this.


Final Score: 77

Ira Shinkara gets 3725 exp and 1000 GP from the Jya for a job well done.
Izvilvin gets 5370 exp and 1000 GP from the Jya for a job well done.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!

We level up and are super awesome!