Atzar Kellon vs. Zook Murning

[Zook Murnig]

There's no other way, Caduceus concluded. I'll have to jump in.

With only a moment's hesitation, the magician took a deep breath and plunged into the icy waters, displacing the water about him in a very loud splash. Ice floes rocked on the surface near where he had gone in, and chilly water quickly saturated his robes and the tunic and pants underneath.

He kicked and pulled himself to the surface, and as his soaked head broke into the air, he heard the shatter of ice behind. Resisting the very strong urge to see what it was, he powered towards the shore. His skin had tightened in the cold, causing goosebumps to rise and a shudder to go down his spine for a moment. I can't stay in too long, or I'll freeze.

In an almost instinctive attempt to stay warm in the water, he invisioned huge flames all about him, burning hotter than the hottest day he had ever experienced. He heard the cracks and roars of the fire, imagining that the flames were licking the inside of his body, sparking smaller embers within him. He began to feel slightly warmer, but only slightly, as the Tejas filled him.

Slightly invigorated by the fires burning within, he swam with all his strength for the banks, and pulled himself, dripping, from the river. His clothes clung to him, and his robes felt unnaturally heavy about him as he stood, their usual light brown turned to darker tones from the water saturating them. His drenched hair had come loose when the tie had come out during his swim. Locks fell about his cheeks and jawline, cold and tickling his skin.

Turning his mind back to the matters at hand, he looked back up to the cliff using his still-active Etheric Sight, where his opponent stood, shivering from the cold. The young Qaballist smiled and stretched out his left palm towards him, saying "Yod-Heh-Vav-Heh Tzabaoth!" The fiery energies within him shuddered and flowed out through his palm in a burst of flame that would, if it struck home, cling to its target and continually burn.

That ought to warm him up, he thought, laughing quietly to himself.

[Ther]

Atzar Kellon

Story
Continuity – 7 (Good move describing your character’s childhood and his town. Nice introduction.)
Setting – 7 (The Charms boards showing the environment are a nice touch.)
Pacing – 7 (The pacing of the individual posts is stellar…the overall battle took a little long to begin, though.)
Writing Style
Mechanics - 8
Technique – 8
Clarity - 8
Character
Dialogue – 5 (Straightfoward – saying “Kick your ass” is always a downer, though.)
Action - 2 (Can't really judge this since the battle was incomplete.)
Persona - 5
Misc.
Wild Card - 2 (Timeliness)

Total – 59

Zook Murning

Story
Continuity – 6 (The introduction was well-written but I had no idea what your character was doing before the thread started.)
Setting – 7 (Starting stranded on the rock is an unusual way to start the battle, but I liked it.)
Pacing – 7 (Again, the same as Atzar…the posts go quickly, the overall battle though took to long to actually begin.)
Writing Style
Mechanics - 8
Technique – 8
Clarity - 8
Character
Dialogue - 5 (Straightfoward and direct. You didn't try to force yourself into saying something cool.)
Action - 2 (Can't really judge this since the battle was incomplete.)
Persona - 5
Misc.
Wild Card - 4

Total – 60

[Ther]

Zook earns 1,288 EXP and 100 GP and raises to Level 1.
Atzar earns 725 EXP and 50 GP.