Round 2: Atzar Kellon vs. Sir Fedlund Overby

[Sir Fedlund Overby]

Fedlund does his best not to laugh out loud at the fallen pygmy, all the while exchanging glances with Atzar, as if the two humanoids knew something the dragon did not.

“I can assure you, my worthy opponent, that the bird that fell you was a large beast, nay, a MASSIVE beat, truly a sight to behold. It is fortunate you intercepted him so bravely, I fear he had the same thought as you and sought to make a meal of me. I am in your debt.”

Nearly losing control, Fedlund has to avert his eyes toward Atzar, shaking from silent laughter. Paw and hand clasp in a friendly handshake before Fedlund turns to leave.

“The world is not that large a place and, as you may have guessed, I am easy to find wherever I go. I may soon pass this way again, mayhap our we will meet again.”

Gathering his equipment, Fedlund continues on his course, his spirits renewed by mirth and the reminder of his lot in life, to exemplify the pinnacle of Nobleness to all he encounters. He turns to wave a final farewell.

“The name is Fedlund Overby!! May our paths cross again and friendship be renewed!!”

I'm done!! Good times, finish it off if you want. Question: What happens with damage goods following a tournament battles? In this case, torn tunic and cracked cittern.

[Atzar]

(((The pending judgment is merely a formality and is for experience purposes only. Regardless of outcome, I'm withdrawing from this tournament. Sir Fedlund Overby advances to the next round.

Congratulations, and good luck in following rounds.)))

[Cyrus the virus]

Hey guys! Nice battle here. My apologies if the comments are not as in depth as you’d like, but I intend to get this judging done with quickly so we may move on properly with the Althanaversary Tournament.

Atzar Kellon = Green!
Sir Fedlund Overby = Red!

Festive, no?

Story

Continuity
Hard to have bad continuity in a short battle thread like this. 7-7

Setting
I’d have appreciated at least a mention of Atzar’s perception of a giant hare walking around. Nothing else out of place here, though. 5
Fedlund’s motivation was believable, and I can’t quite say it’s typical of Althanas stories. I was a bit surprised that the children and their father weren’t freaked out by a giant hare in their presence, though. Still, a good way to pull a battle out of this situation. 6

Pacing
This battle was fairly entertaining both of you. I appreciate an epic duel as much as the next guy, but something a bit more lighthearted is always enjoyable. 5-5

Character

Dialogue
Zirkan’s dialogue doesn’t seem fitting of a dragon, but that’s opinion and not something I penalized you for. I do feel that for a highly intelligent creature, some of his comments are a bit low-brow. Especially things like "Big, stupid rabbit!" don’t seem to fit into his description in your profile. This, I penalized you for. 4
Amusing, but at times I found Fedlund’s dialogue to be forced. It might just be me, honestly. +20 cool points for “GAH!! BLA GARF NOOF TUFTLE PTHHH!!!” 5
This battle had the feel of a Benny Hill comedy, somehow. Just thought I’d say that.

Action
Natural and simple. 6
Natural and simple. 6

Persona
Atzar was inconsequential in this thread. Zirkan, as I mentioned in dialogue, might not act the way one would expect considering the description of him in your profile. I find that I need to remind myself that he's a small dragon and not a rodent of some kind (which you shouldn't take offense over). 4
Fedlund is a Noble Hare and acts like it. The shifts in his personality are believable and make sense to me. 6

Writing Style

Mechanics
This was no literary masterpiece for either of you, but I felt Fedlund had a superior introduction and general writing style. 5-6

Technique
This was too short and focused a thread for me to give this a full evaluation, but neither of you had any pitfalls here. I noticed one typo from Fedlund but none from Atzar. 6
I find the present tense-past tense switching to be bothersome at times, and not always consistent. 5

Clarity
8-8.

Wild Card
Can I have some of your drugs?
You each get a seven, for no particular reason. I don't feel either of you deserves an edge over the other.

TOTALS: 57 ---- 61

Sir Fedlund Overby wins!

Fedlund gets 1,100 EXP and 200 gold.
Atzar gets 350 EXP and 100 gold.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP and Gold added!