Christoph is red
BlackAndBlueEyes is blue
Story
Continuity:
7 - Good, but I would have liked if you'd clarified a little more on why they thought you were a traitor to the government.
5 - There were references to her father, but none were really very specific. I know why she was at the Citadel, and I thank you for that, as well as her profession, but I would have liked to know just why and how she got into assassination. The character, a woman who dresses like a little girl, isn't really the kind you'd picture doing the whole kill-for-monies thing.
Setting:
8 - This was a great setting for battle, and I thought that you used it very well in both blocking and bringing the tension up.
9 - I thought that you really shone here, especially in regards to the way that heels like to catch on little ridges on the floor. *sigh* I'm always tripping like that.
Pacing:
6 - Decent enough, though there were some places that seemed to drag on a bit.
6 - See Christoph's comment.
Character
Dialogue:
5 - His banter with Madison was average, and there were a couple of good lines in there, but overall it just seemed really lackluster.
7 - Madison's got a way of speaking that is more memorable, and it does do a little bit more to illustrate her character. The biggest thing here is your use of internal dialogue.
Action:
7 - Average. You seem to favor taking out people's knees. Are you sure Chrisoph was a cook and not a mafia man? You did well for not having anything but yourself to work with, and linking his actions and reactions with experience from his past was really nice.
7 - A good variety and ingenuity in battle. Also, you can't have a girl on boy fight with a little dirty play. Kicks in the nadgers, FTW!
Persona:
6 - I really feel that your grasp on Christoph has strengthened since your battle with Synful_Blood. I was very pleased with the improvements that I saw in this.
6 - I really didn't get a good view of her, I felt, from this thread. It just felt to me that she could have been played by any number of unhappy female characters on this site.
Writing Style
Mechanics:
7 - A solid grip on grammar and spelling.
6 - Pretty good, but one complaint. Sometimes you slipped into present tense for part of a sentence or the full thing out of a paragraph. That's definitely something to watch for.
Technique:
5 - When Christoph decided to think of Madison as male, you should have stuck with changing instances of she and her to he and him from then on or have abandoned it all together. Sometimes changing it in the sentence to reflect his mindset was distracting. A little more descriptive style could also do you some good.
6 - A good, solid style. I would like to see a little more internal dialogue and description.
Clarity:
8 - No complaints. The only reason this isn't higher is because while I felt you guys did great here, both of you could get better with more description.
8 - Ditto.
Wild Card:
6 - Being forced to fight is always fun. But not as fun as being shivved by a girl.
6 - I admire her for fighting dirty, but I don't admire her for terrible taste in clothes.
Total:
65
66
As it turns out, Christoph bled out just before Madison made her first impression on the ground below. Madison Freebird is announced as the winner.
Christoph receives 300 EXP and 195 GP
BlackAndBlueEyes receives 1,150 EXP and 398 GP as well as the Storm Sphere.
Storm Sphere limitations ((must be followed to the letter or I will hunt you down and kill you.)) Please copy this into your items at your next character update.
Draws in energy from storms only. Must be within the rain and wind part of the storm to store energy. Takes fifteen minutes to charge to full capacity. As character updates, the amount of energy it can store, and the amount of time it takes to charge should both expand.
Energy is stored for 7 days. This length of time can grow at level-up if approved by an approvals mod.
When unleashed, the energy is good for one big shock. This number also increases with the level of the character wielding it as approved during character updates.
Currently non-lethal, but can render particularly young or weak-constituted characters unconscious as well as do electrical burn damage.
Currently has 85% chance of shocking user. This percentage will go down 2% after every 3 uses.
One use in battle. As many uses in quest as possible as long as above limitations are met.
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