Anila is red
Koran is blue
STORY
Continuity
8
7
Setting
7
5 - I felt, Koran, that it would have done you more justice to pay attention to Anila’s posts better. There were enough differences in the description of the arena between you that I would get confused, wondering where you’d come up with something you got. That I didn’t take much from, but at one point you said Anila’s fans were “unfurled” when in the post before that she had very obviously stated that they had yet to open.
Pacing
6
6
Too much introspection from Koran, for a battle. Also, I thought that moving 20 feet in baby steps in one post, Anila, is a little much to assume that you won’t be attacked.
Character
Dialogue
7
9
Action
9
7 - I don’t like, after all the hype of the water, it was completely ignored until your last post. I believe you made an attempt at foreshadowing the short circuit in post #16, but I think you missed your mark a bit.
Persona
7
8
WRITING STYLE
Mechanics
9
9
Technique
8 - I can see a definite improvement in this thread compared with others that have come before it.
9 - I do love that your narrative is done in a very personal style. It keeps the readers concept of him to a cocky sarcastic male, and not merely an asshole.
Clarity
8
7
Wild Card
8
7
Total
77
74
Anila is the victor!
Anila receives 1275 EXP and 681 GP. Welcome to Level One!
Koran receives 300 EXP and 222 GP
Submit Thread for Judgment
