Clawing at a puddle. (Closed)

[Fenris]

The rolling odor nearly knocked him from the wagon as the dead thing rose from the river. Fihrinn's eyes widened.

What is that?

Then some of its wrapping fell away, offering him the slightest taste of hope. A human--a bizarre, grotesque, twisted human, but a human nonetheless.

And they call us aberrations...

It started to raise its blade, but its decaying armor mandated slowed movement.

And when the enemy was slow, Fihrinn was unstoppable.

Pure reflex had one of his knives gleaming in his paw, and a flick of his wrist had it embedded in the cultist's shoulder, before he'd managed to even blink.

But the thing didn't even slow down. Its eyes filled with fury, and it pushed itself further through the bridge--

Then, though, it started to falter. It looked up at the wolf with a gaze quickly changing from furious to confused. Fihrinn smiled.

Guess you didn't see that coming. Sleep well.

The thing slipped away--and Fihrinn cursed silently. Digging the claws of his feet into the wood he swung down and caught the handle of his knife just in time, before its target splashed into the swollen torrent.

He took his position once more, tensed with fur bristling. Surely the others had seen that...

But no one came. No shouts, no swords. They were occupied with the fox--none had noticed him. He smiled.

I owe you, lady kitsune.

But that knowledge didn't help at all when he heard them taking her clothes.

Not yet, you've got to wait. Not yet.

He gritted his teeth. They're hurting her! They need me now!

Timing, Fihrinn. You won't help them at all if you don't have goot timing.

Timing or not, he was getting a very bad feeling about all of this. He wasn't sure how long he could stay hidden...especially if more creatures emerged out of the water. The moment would have to come soon.

He waited until the wagon started moving again. Rather strenuously, he slipped back enough to bring his head up from beneath the cart. He winked at Corvus and smiled at the kits, holding a finger to his maw before vanishing beneath again.

Then, he noticed something interesting. Having seen the chains holding his friend, he noticed that they were bolted to the floor of the wagon--and from this vantage point, he saw that the bolt, and corresponding nut, emerged from its underside. Straining his right arm to hold himself up, he started to twist away.

I'll have you out soon, friend.

[Corvus MacCallum]

Huh lass in a bikini... but what a ballax... complications complications, think man think, what would... huh

With a blink Corvus glanced down to his feet where the bolt holding his chains was fastened... it was, turning. A few hurried sniffs into the air gave him nothing though, it was just too damp and muggy to pick up anything but the Kitsune and her children. Still that thing was turning and it would take someone particulary talented to keep out of sight from those bloody hunters, must be another demi-human as they were called.

Finn?... nah what the hell would be doing out here in the arse-hole of nowhere, though never know, he could have been in that same town... made a big enough scene and hes the only bloke I know who owes me enough for this heh, I wonder...

He was doing his best to keep focussed on the task at hand and not get stuck in the mammer-er malady of a mostly naked Kitsune woman sitting in front of him holding her kits. So when this thing finally arrived at the little locale now he had more to his plate, break out... get his gear back, then free everyone there AND look after this lot. Suddenly just breaking out now and inserting that staff into the deacon was very tempting, had to wait until that bolt finished turning though.

---

While Kis kimono and most of her weapons were gathered up and dumped alongside Cors slammer at the front of the wagon but one thing wasn't slumped in with them. Brandis one of the ambushers hadn't taken his hands off Kis Onitachi and was grinning as he twirled it about him.

"Think it'll be worth much"

"Shouldn't be talking like that, preacher there will start thinking you ain't a believer"

"I am but still, gotta get myself a wench after all this stress"

"Gives it here Bran"

"Oi fuck off get yer own"

It was, well childish, two massively burly warriors of a rather professional stint, tugging at Kis sword as they thought to get a good grip on it, greed above faith perhaps?... but finally Brandis turned aggressive, his knee ramming itself against his compatriots thigh. Grips tightened, loosened and through the air sailed that sheathed weapon before splashing into the mire. Bubbles puncturing the thick surface of mud and liquid in unusual combinations, sinking steadily as black shapes sifted through the grime to work out what this curious new form of prey would taste like.

Bit rushed but knackered and since we seem to have lost Justice got gaps to remove from the general going

[Corvus MacCallum]

It was uniquely frightening when you find out just how quickly your perception of the world can be completely thrown askew, like one minute sitting in chains and then finding yourself still in chains, but laying upon the ground... well not quite ground, canvas on very damp ground, canvas that a few moments before had been pressed against nothing but the air and his back, that had changed with a single shriek... well correction, it began with a single shriek and that then resulted in multiple ones. Horrible creatures existed within Findran and one had made use of the Kitsunes evil emanating blade, this would be established later by a little ear assault, she was giving a different sort right now as the bikini clad samurai held her kits against her and yelped loudly on whacking against the ground from the suddenly jostled wagon.

Unusually Corvus found himself lax to react, he hadn't done anykind of movement not dictated by gravity, he wasn't even lost in thought more siphoning through possibilities and conjuring up the situation his slightly more damp self had wound up in. His chains had stopped shifting which meant Finn had either stopped or was no longer able to work at the nut holding him in place, oh well that mattered little and the Highlander put himself in action at last. A thrust of his hands had him gripping tightly to the chains shackled to him, knees shifting and bringing his legs out sideway just so he could press the soles of his furred feet against the wood and then gave one nicely forced yank.

Impacted and swollen soaked wood resulted in a lovely loss of structural integrity and the metal plate along with its nut and bolt... mentioning also a few chunks of splintered wood came free from the wagon and allowed a tad more movement for the wolf-man. In this little exertion the Kitsune had made for her equipment and was quickly redressing, Corvus was, in a way, undressing by removing the clunky metal collars and shackles the cultists had forced upon him, they were strongly forged, that was not the problem, was mishandled and ill-kept history that brought about the demise of these entrapment tools.

All through this period of strange calm in the Highlanders mind there had been a very thorough canopy of yells, swears and shrieks, their escorts had still not fallen and were not occupied with whatever had attacked the wagon, curiously there was no sound from the horses, must be dead. Rising up he stepped past Ki and the two shivering kits, slumping down and fitting his furry fore-arms in while not exactly stylish, but certainly more useful metal encasements than previously worn. With buckler and gauntlet on him once more his hands reached out for the iron lump he had been forced to leave untouched for far too many hours. Forest green eyes followed the quick jerk of his bread-basket to catch the fleeting apperance of a cultist, one who had rushed past the upturned exit to the wagon, he followed quickly...

Well...


hmm...


... Fucking hell

Monster slayer extrodinaire in the making yes, but some things you just did not see even after several years wandering these swamps. He was familiar with the base creature, it was a Boil worm, simple name, simple horror, they were actually eels that possessed no eyes but an intense sense of smell that often preferred land based meat. They would rise up from the surface of the murky waters during clearer weather as creatures passed by and then squirt out a stream of potent saliva, it resulted in an instant rash upon any flesh that came into contact that would quickly begin to redden and swell before forming into a bubble of skin and bursting releasing the blood and shunks of muscle it was after.

Corvus had quickly withdrawn on learning what the creature was since a stream of that saliva had collided with the cultist that had ran past the wagon that the Highlander resided in again... screams that became gurgling and then that sound, every bit of flesh rupturing and dragging with it chunks of bone and reducing the warrior to a heavily scattered amount of meat paste... still he had stopped screaming so it wasn't all bad, bit of quiet.

A quick hop and the hugely sworded wolf-man brought himself to battle, only one of the demi-human hunters was still alive though that was a questionable state, he only had one arm and leg, didn't get out of the way in time and was left as a gurgling twitching heap still drawing breath despite an exposed lung. From the water lurched the evil infused Boil worm, its entire black mass swollen and turgid like a leech that had no concept of being full, thick veins rising out of its mud clad body. Literally ripped from its sides were huge sickles of bone, several had been pushed out, swollen ribs really and upon them was a few fragments of the Deacon... touch too powerful for the staff maybe. At its peak was its twisted and mutated maw, just a black hole ridged with a... well I'll leave it to the eloquent wolf.

Thats a fuck-load of teeth

A quick, flashing glimpse of the scene showed that his pal Finn had evaded its attention by being somewhat submerged in the mud, must had been scrabbling to the side of the wagon when it got hit and tipped over, much of his body obscured and knocking him out cold... still he wasn't gargling on soaked earth so no time constraints. Still he wasted none and charged towards the thrashing worm, his charge was capable of smashing through squads of blade weilding, fully armoured knights but here it was a slog through sucking mud and slowed him immensely, each time his foot pushed into the ground it kept going down... and down, feeling it spread between his toes and attempt to coat the top of his foot and seal him in.

It had sensed the Wolf-man approaching and turned, those huge veins pulsing as it prepared to fire its nature born weapon, forgetting momentarily where he was Corvus ducked down, thinking he could grab hold of the ground and vault himself to the side, but instead his hand just sank into the mud and locked him in place, his left hand thankfully unmired by being clutched to the slammer resting at his back. No choice though as he heard the large stream come forth. Taking a deep breath his left hand released the blade, came down beneath him and flexing his almost abnormal strength rammed himself into the hungry swamp land, the Slammer forming something of a shield while the rest sprayed fairly wide of the mark.

To drown in mud... with water you have something to push against, with this kind of ground it merely pulls, it won't release you and just walking in it is a fight for life. He could feel it covering his entire face, the pressure of it against his eyelids,feeling it slide against his nose, it twitching and causing him pain, straining to avoid sneezing, if his mouth opened now he was done with. His hands were shifting through the mud, trying to find something, anything to push against, he was getting no deeper but he had no way to just straighten up since in lowering himself down it had sucked at his upper arms and was trying to claim his shoulders.

The heart of the Highlander beat faster, he was a brave soul, never shirking from danger and he figured probably never would no matter how helpless a cause... but he was starting to panic, this wasn't something he could fight and overpower, this was the ground beneath his feet, this was an opponent smothering him without form. Panic was starting to blossom in his mind, he was not going to find an escape, he was die as a mere victim of the mire and not against some impressive monstrous being.

Clink..

... what!?

It was something that he barely heard, it was a single, solitary note of his claw against rock, its sound coming out quieter than his panicing heart-beat, this was something solid. His hand rushed for all it was worth and pushed himself upwards, he only had to move a single inch upwards... to think that meagre measurement seperated him from life and death, his caked face shook and gulped at the air just in time to glimspe the still living mutation of evil emanation.

Forgot about you

His claws thrust at the stones surface and began dragging himself from the ground, pulling himself free at last. He had only managed to get a single leg free and rested upon its knee when his blade cleaved its path in the air, smashing into the beasts side, cutting through its side and then.

Clink

Fucking clink?

Something inside the creature had stopped his swords progress, which was a mightily impressive feat for something that was meant to be muscle and bone, but this was a metallic sound... swallowed a sword maybe?... should have snapped against that weight. He jerked at the embedded monster slaying Slammer, as it swept to the side his elbow screamed in pain, just bending too far in the wrong direction but it was important it did. His other hand dragged itself from the rock and retreated towards the main body of the mud caked Highland wolf. Now came that fun plan, he thrust his power against the momentum of the Slammer and with a twist brought its flat against the mud, still carving through it from sheer power and weight before it contacted with the rock, he continued pushing, a lever of iron and rock dragging him from the mire, rising up into the air, his feet kicked against the raised flat of the Slammer blade, enough force to have him throw himself over the handle, twisting his grip and nearly wrenching an arm from its socket before his feet landed upon the corpse of a slashed cultist.

A twist of the Slammer and its blade sparked against the rock it sliced into, his whole upper body forcing its power into ripping through the stone, bringing the blade from behind... to infront of him. The elongated ribs of the mutated blood fiend thrust out at him but it was all too perfectly predestined...

There was that unusual calm gripping the Highlander, the adrenaline in his mind forcing it to work faster at perceiving the world than normal, he was able to assess it all, this beast would never reach him in time and when the blade struck home if it violently performed its death-throes he could merely jump back from the corpse... avoid the Highlander shaped hole... and await its full demise before ripping one of those ribs free as his prize.

As it turned out, this is exactly how it happened, the Slammer smashed against the boil worms snapping head, parting its scales and muscles like water while breaking apart the teeth and gum that attempted resistance, further and further down his blade sank through its body, he heard that clink again... that was unexpected and saw the weapon that belonged to the kitsune, the one that had been chucked into the waters. Further and further down, nothing holding the halves of the creature together, it merely fell apart, a large splash resulting and then came the froth... fresh meat in the mire that offered no resistance, the creatures under the waters surface were wasting no time in feasting.

All in all... things, haven't really gone to plan...

Still drenched in the mud of the Findren Swamp Corvus turned his somewhat weary form in the direction they had been going... it was somewhat misty but he could perceive the outline of his intended destination. Spread throughout the horizon was a vast jagged shape, an old fort, he knew the history behind it... that noble history was gone now and instead it was now the main headquarters of these demi-human hunters, inside was a vast dungeon network. Information about these folk was not the hardest to find, but a job for their destruction was nigh impossible to locate, instead Corvus did this out of pure heroism, not the most intelligent of impulses but it kept him going so far.

The Kitsune was not coming with him, not with the kids, he would be sure of that... his pal Finn, he was sneaky but no, the Kitsune could take him back to the village. A fortress of warriors, mercenaries, deacons and other members... he wasn't stoked at the prospect but someone had to silence them. A further shifting and Corvus brought himself to face the wagon, it would be of no use now, at the most he could scrub his form with the canvas then pick from the few corpses left to form a disguise. Lip curling slightly he forced air from his throat in a shrill whistle.

"The beast is dead and your sword is here with it... come on out of there"

He hopped from the cultists corpse and began stepping towards the wagon that carted so many prisoners, it was now out of comission, not far to go really until the whole order was done.

Hmm hang on a tick, bit of nice looking guffin there...

After absolutely no contact with Fenris for a good long while hes being bunnyed, got permission for Reikos bunny.

Spoils : No gold, Steel sectioned buckler - a main gloveless gauntlet that has several thick, solid U shaped sections that slot over each other allowing a lot of movement and also to trap enemy blades by forcing the sections together

[Skie and Avery]

STORY

Continuity: 5 - How’d Corvus and Fenris meet? How’d Justice get mixed up with these freaks? A few questions that I’d have liked answered weren’t, and made the thread just seem really random.

Setting: 7 - Not a bad job done here, actually.

Pacing: 5 - This seemed really long to get to the action, and once it was there, it was over with and gone. This can sometimes be a problem when you have a lot of people in the same thread, because to get things set up and established can make the thread lag a bit.

CHARACTER

Dialogue: 6 - Internal dialogue was decent, but I felt that interpersonal communication could have been better. Even in situations where many words can’t be spoken, there is still a character’s body language to account for.

Action: 8 - Here was the best part, really. Everyone acted within character, the two reinforcements waiting for the next moment, the haughty battle priest trying to make commands even though he wasn’t necessarily in the position to make them.

Persona: 6 - The way this ended really didn’t give you guys adequate time to really display their personalities. The entire thread was seen in a point of crisis, lagging crisis, but anyway. What I did see, I was rather pleased with and only wish that this thread could have been extended longer.

WRITING STYLE

Mechanics: 4 - Justice, you need to pick past or present tense and stick with it. You seemed to bounce back and forth between the two, sometimes within the same sentence. Corvus and Reiko, both of you have trouble with run-on sentences, that can sometimes get to a point where they’re just ridiculous.

Technique: 5 - You’re all pretty consistent with the way you right, and while a great deal of the distraction when it came to reading was with mechanical errors, I felt that there are some areas that could truly be improved on when it comes to this area as well. Smoothing out your thoughts to help the flow of writing and choosing which of those flowery phrases you do decide to go with will help with keeping a reader interested in the actual story.

Clarity: 7 - For the most part, you guys did fine. Fenris and Justice, I have no complaints here. Reiko, working on the run ons would help immensely and Corvus, sometimes your choice of wording is just plain confusing.

Wild Card: 5 - I really wish everyone would have stayed on task to finish the thread.

Total: 58

Corvus MacCallum receives 960 EXP
Reiko receives 1296 EXP and 87 GP
Justice receives 240 EXP and 58 GP
Fenris receives 288 EXP and 87 GP

Corvus MacCallum also receives the spoil of a section steel buckler.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.