A Storm of Iron and Flesh. (Green Vs. Rok)

[Green is the new black.]

Bunny approved.

An irritatingly familiar crunching sound filled Orun’s skull as the immense knight’s armored elbow crashed into his face. The green-skin did his best to weave out of the way, but he had overcommitted to his counter-attack; he was able to reduce the force of the blow, but it still struck his nose with enough force to practically flatten it against his face. The blow was dizzying and would have sent Orun reeling had it hit at full force.

He hits like an Orc…

Orun’s head spun against the swirling storm as he struggled to keep steady. Horizontal rain pelted his brutalized face, stinging his eyes. He was off-balance and vulnerable, and he knew it. Without giving his dizzy brain a chance to formulate a coherent plan, Orun’s instincts took over. He snarled like an animal, springing forward on swift, yet clumsy steps. His head snapped forward in a manner straighter than he could see, smacking soundly against the knight’s face.

Another jolt of pain shot through the half-Orc’s skull. This time, though, he was confident that it hurt his opponent far more. The blonde human grunted in pain, but only staggered back a single step. Though he would never admit it, Orun found the human’s resilience to be impressive.

Suddenly, the downpour slowed so abruptly that it almost seemed as though the rain had stopped completely. The constant thunder that had been crashing all around them like artillery quieted to almost nothing. The energy in the air faded noticeably. The sudden stillness nearly stung. Were the ancient gods impressed or displeased with what they saw taking place upon their alter? Orun was too dizzy to ponder on it.

He forced out a deep, guttural laugh, clutching his axe tightly in his fist. His demonic eyes gleamed with bloodlust. The gods would get their sacrifice one way or another.

[Rok the Blade]

((Bunnying Approved))

Blow after blow exchanged between the two brutish fighters, this wasn't a duel anymore, it was a brawl. Rokusho wondered how he was doing even moderately well bare-handed, he never realized what he could do. Either he had a natural affinity for bare-handed boxing, or just him and the orc both sucked so bad that they kind of cancelled eachother out. The knight quickly assessed in the back of his mind that one of the reasons he was doing alright without Redeemer was due to sheer strength, overpowering the half-orc by a little bit.

Through sweat-blinded eyes and deafened ears due to the raging thunder, Rokusho realized that his elbow had hit its mark. A smile erupted on his wet and dirty face, through matted hair and bloody teeth he grinned... Crack! He felt his own face get bashed in again almost right after - He would've been forced to retreat if adrenaline hadn't dulled any of the soon-to-be seething pain.

With his feet uneven on the wet stone, one foot on one side of a metal strip, and his other on the opposite side, Rokusho struggled to look at his opponent. A big, green, muscle-toned blob of flesh stood before him, clumsily keeping upright yet still grasping his axe and shield, just ready to strike a blow. He felt his arms dangling at their respective sides then, a stupid move but he could barely lift them up to throw another punch. Suddenly his nostrils were flooded with the smell of just-ended rain, but didn't bother to look around. He could see the swirling tempests that made up the storm in the iron-gray clouds in the background behind the half-orc clear up for a moment, and the pelting rain ceased... Perhaps whatever entity that was controlling the arena felt that the storm no longer had an impact on the fighters, they were careless, tunnel-visioned, the only thing they could see was the bloodied and beaten face of their opponent.

Truth be told, the two warriors had barely moved during the entire fight, and both still stood right near the edge just half a dozen feet to the side, the most movement had been done by the half-orc, who had dashed from his side of the arena to Rok's. A giant spike loomed ominously to their side, just waiting to be struck with a bolt of lightning and fry the both of them. Fortunately, they hadn't yet.

Without allowing his foe any reaction time, Rokusho leaped forward viciously like a primate. Any motor skills that the knight had before were now too much to think of, too much for his muscles to concentrate on. Some people called this state the state of "ugh."

Rok's armored arms lashed out and he came in low, wrapping himself around the half-orc's waist, and began to throw him aside with all of his remaining strength. Luckily he was able to wrestle the surprised green brute onto the ground, and a relieved expression popped onto his face when he saw that his opponent had fallen face-first right onto a metal strip, an audible thud - like wood on stone - thudded a little farther back than he had thrown his opponent, he quickly assumed that it was his shield.

Scrambling to his feet, Rokusho scooped up his sword that had been right under his legs, taking advantage of the Still of the Storm, and with a titanic effort, hefted the blade up and pointed the tip at the half-orc who managed to roll over onto his back, clutching his axe still, his spiked wooden shield had indeed flown from his grasp, and lay on a polished square a couple feet farther. Damn, did he have a good grip on that axe, though!

Rok spit out a mouthful of blood and smirked, white teeth showing through the red liquid, and flipped his hair off of his blue eyes, a flame burning within each pupil. He loved fighting, was envigorated by fighting, and this anticipated victory made the knight even more happy.

Warily, the knight mustered enough strength to say, "Looks like Man has beaten the Beast all over again." Not his usual choice of words, had his foe been a human, but his classic knowledge of orcs and creatures of the like told him that they weren't much more than primal beasts. Though obviously this half-orc wasn't.

It was over... Rok had won.

[Green is the new black.]

Orun hit the wet stone hard, his torso in full contact with one of the metal strips. The situation had unfolded so quickly that he was barely aware of what had happened. One moment, he’d battered the human back once again and the next, he was sprawled out one the floor face first. He struggled and grappled with all the strength he could muster, but the human was stronger than any human had business being and Orun was still dizzy. Wasting little time, the green-skin rolled over and tried to scramble to his feet, but he found himself face to face with the point of a very large sword.

Damn…

For a moment, Orun simply laid there silently, catching his breath. His burning eyes gazed at the sky as he tried to come to terms with his defeat, with the shame that he had brought upon his lineage. He had fallen before one of the weaker races; he had been humiliated. But yet, the fight wasn’t over so long as air filled his lungs.

With his eyes closed and the sneering face of the knight gone, the half-Orc sensed the storm gathering energy once again. There was the distinct tension in the air that he’d grown familiar with growing up in the wilderness. Temperatures fluctuated high in the sky and the stubborn clouds were grinding past one another like slabs of stone. It was time to stop fighting like a brute and start fighting like the cunning hunter that he was. Orun’s eyes snapped open and a feral grin stretched across his lips.

“You fight almost as well as an Orc,” said Orun, meeting the knight’s eyes. His laugh gurgled with the blood in his throat. “But you think like a human!” At that moment, Orun dropped his axe and clasped both hands onto the broad blade of his enemy’s sword. An incalculable fraction of a second later, the built up energy in clouds exploded downward, striking all around the arena in a glowing circle of pure destruction and wrath.

Orun’s roar mingled with the cracks of electricity and explosion of the lightning’s impact in an epic chord or devastation. An immeasurably vast surge of energy coursed through the metal and through the half-Orc’s body, singing every inch of flesh and destroying every nerve in a matter of seconds. Still, his hands resolutely clung to the human’s sword.

“Ikh frûmob uglgoth traumu latishu trovat ghaash,” he growled, his charred face still grinning and his burnt-out eye sockets starring at the human.


Force the soul of a slain enemy to guide you into hell.

~Orcish Proverb.

[Rok the Blade]

"Raaaaaaaaagh!" The knight screamed, a scream of fear and shock, surprise and unexpectedness. One second came, and Rok stood before his fallen enemy, weaker than him and his green face trying to cope with defeat. Then the next, nothing...

Rokusho felt a painful surge of electricity rip through his body, tearing any strength he might've had left away and throwing it over the edge of the arena. Immediately his metal body convulsed, muscles tightened, and finally he shriveled onto the wet stone... Thud. Muffled and distant, Rokusho heard his armor clink as it made contact with polished stone and metal strip, but he couldn't see it, and his ears ringed monotonously. He heard it, but he couldn't believe it, his sense of touch had been obliterated, and he could only go by sound. It all went by so slow... And every sound was muffled. He heard another clink, as Redeemer was relieved from his grasp, the hilt bounced over to his side. Then there was darkness...

"Have I won...? Where am I? What am I doing...?" Meaningless, incoherent thoughts ran through his fried mind, and finally he managed to pry his eyes open, only to realize that he was still laying in the arena. Clear, cold and steady rain caressed his face, which felt refreshing after that shock... He mustered a smile, a bloody smile, at least his feeling was back... He could also hear the soft and drum-like patter of the rain on the stone, which gave the environment a cool and calm feeling. Despite the renewed storm still raging, the swirling rage of thunder and lightning only seemed distant now, as if they were avoiding the arena whole-heartedly... Whoever was watching must've been pleased.

Rok's eyes fluttered as soft rain fell on his eyes, he saw nothing but the thick, dark clouds that hovered overhead, and the occasional flash of lightning that graced each puff of fluff. One good thing was, his half-orc opponent wasn't standing over him in triumph... Perhaps he had fallen too? Or maybe he survived somehow and was able to leave and claim victory... Either way, it had been as much of a non-personal duel than an epic clash of two fierce warriors.

He would not forget his first fight at the Dajas Pagoda anytime soon.

[Witchblade]

Chris:

Storyline

Continuity: - 9 You set up the battle really nicely in your first post, mentioning just how Orun came to be in the Hierarchy in the Dajas Pagoda and even how he came up with the idea for the arena. I liked the mention of your other character Christoph.

Setting: - 8 And what a setting it is! I really enjoyed your battle arena, fresh, interesting and just downright hard on both the opponents to fight in. I really, really wish there would have been some more interaction with it though. It was there in the beginning, popped up like once during the middle part of the fight, was mentioned often enough and then didn’t really get used until the end. But that was a cool way to use the environment to end the thread.

Pacing: - 8 You kept the battle fluid and fast moving, making the reader want to keep reading. Even your climax, something I notice rather lacking in battles, was well done.

Character

Dialogue: - 7 Not what you would expect from an Orc, articulate and well thought out as if he has spoken Common all his life and not Orcish. It almost doesn’t fit the character and yet fits him all at the same time, if you get my meaning.

Action: - 8 I enjoyed the fistfight between the two characters where weapons were rather forgotten—or kicked to the side—and the fighters had to use their brawn and their brains. All the action seemed true to the character as well. I did have an issue though when Orun had his nose broken. I know it’s the middle of a fight with adrenaline pumping and the will to survive speeding him on, but having ones nose broken is excruciating and your eyes always tear up afterwards. Whether you want them to or not it just naturally happens.

Persona: - 7 Orun definitely has an interesting personality, it didn’t really get a chance to properly come out in this battle, but that sometimes happens with battles. Still, you could see it in the writing as well as the internal thoughts. As the reader, the constant mention of Rok being human though starts to get a little annoying, only because it’s done so much. I know Orun clearly isn’t all human and Orc and humans don’t mix very well, but try not to mention it almost every post.

Writing Style

Mechanics: - 7 Your opening sentence is awkward only because you used the word ‘sky’ twice and you also use ‘disk’ quite often as well. Try to stay away from using the same word over and over again because it really starts to stick out to the reader. Also, watch your tenses. And you had a few missing letters and the use of some wrong words here and there.

Technique: - 7 You have a well-developed style for writing with this character that comes off as serious and slightly humorous sometimes too. Then again, you do that with pretty much all your characters. Try to avoid writing somewhere where you describe your characters feet hitting the ground and then in the next sentence describe the fall he took to get there. It throws the reader off and will affect the clarity.

Clarity: - 8 Just the one thing that I mentioned above stood out to me, other than that the writing was clear and precise.

Wild Card: - 7 A good battle with some good writing skills that I enjoyed reading. Not to mention the two characters clashing made it rather interesting. If it was two other characters it might not have worked out so well.

Total: 76

Cameron:

Storyline

Continuity: - 9 You also did a good job setting your character up for exactly why he was there fighting Orun and exactly what he wanted out of the battle. Plus the mention of him wishing the setting had been something easier to handle was quite cute.

Setting: - 8 Though you didn’t initially come up with the setting for the battle, you constantly mentioned it in your posts, reminding the reader of just what was raging all around the two of them. You never did it overly so either, I thought it was just enough but not enough to bore the reader.

Pacing: - 6 Your flow from sentence to sentence tends to jump around sometimes throwing the pacing off just a little bit. Also, when someone bunnies your character, try not to retrace too much of what happened during that bunny or anything at all if you can, just jump right back into what’s happening where the previous post left off. This will keep the pacing going instead of breaking it up to tell the reader something they already know. Also, internal thoughts and memories of previous things are good and all, but watch their placement. You don’t need to fill up a post with them just to make it longer if it breaks the pacing.

Character

Dialogue: - 8 I enjoyed all of Rok’s dialogue, though some of it was a little cheesy, like when he said ‘Looks like man has beaten the beast all over again.’ But Rok just seems like the kind of guy who would say something cheesy like that. Just be careful of that, because if you use it too much or get a little too cheesy it will no longer seem realistic to the reader.

Action: - 8 All of the action seemed true enough to the character. My only issue was when Orun was about to cleave his head off with his axe and had his shield pressed up against Rok’s sword, you went through a lot of describing just to have him let go of his sword and block the blow. It made it seem as if much more time had passed than what really had. Also, having your character jump four feet high in quite the feat in armour.

Persona: - 7 I didn’t very much like his simple deduction of Orcs being evil and therefore his enemy and therefore a more purposeful battle. I found that rather ignorant of Rok and thought him better of something like that. Then again, he is a silly knight wearing an entire suite of metal armour that thinks good always triumphs over evil and he is that good.

Writing Style

Mechanics: - 6 Renown is an awkward word. Yes, it’s an actual word and you didn’t use it wrong, but it just reads awkwardly, so try staying away from something like that. Instead you could have written, ‘Being renowned’, which doesn’t seem awkward. You should watch your word choices though; ‘clustered’ to your head isn’t a good choice when talking about wet hair, ‘plastered’ is though. ‘His hands just in front of his crotch’ awkward again! That doesn’t even sound right when taken out of context either. Try using the centre of gravity, levelled with his hips, at height with his stomach, but please not crotch.

Technique: - 7 Your technique needs a little work but I can definitely see your developing style of writing. Try working on the things I mentioned above and this should improve quite a bit; especially watch your sentence flow and pacing!

Clarity: - 8 There were times when your actions were a little confusing, I couldn’t entirely figure out what your character was doing but re-reading the sentence usually helped. Just be careful of that and make sure to re-read your sentences. Other than that, crisp, clear and awesome.

Wild Card: - 7 The state of ‘ugh.’ Lmao!

Total: 74

A close call but Green is the new Black is the winner! Yay Green, go Green, kick some ass Green, have some fun Green!

*coughs*

Rewards:

Orun receives 625 experience!
Rokusho receives 200 experience!

[Sighter Tnailog]

EXP Added!
Gold Added!