Breaker vs Blade: Closing the Battledome

[Breaker]

My boot struck Wulfenbraz a glancing blow. I heard the grind of metal on metal as his armor dented. "That should stop him from hopping around," I told myself triumphantly. But my foot glanced off the iron armor at an odd angle and I stumbled, forced to spin away rather than capitalize on the opportunity. By the time I regained my balance Wulfenbraz was coming out of a roll. I exploded like a sprinter off the blocks, racing towards him for a quick kill. The knight straightened up with snakelike speed, wielding the blade wildly.

"Shit."

I had forgotten the awesome length of the blade, and wielder's might. My feet ground to a halt, digging into the hard mats. I dove backwards as the weapon flashed towards me, rolling several times before coming to a halt in a compact crouch.

"Son of a bitch..."

A long diagonal gash stretched from the left side of my rib cage almost to my right shoulder. More of a scratch, really. Blood seeped from it slowly, slowly enough that it would clot long before I could bleed out. But it looked messy, it hurt, and it left my shirt a complete mess.

"Son of a bitch, I'm gonna' have to change my shirt. Ah well... at least he turned the damn sword off."

Inside the void my mind rested, calm as a monk. Outside the void, my body was pissed off. Doubly so; I felt angry towards Wulfenbraz for taking up my time and ruining my shirt, and angry towards myself for letting the sword touch me at all. My mind turned the fury into cold determination.

I imagined the octagonal room like a clock. If I treated the large double doors like twelve o'clock, my frantic rolling had brought me to the three o'clock position. Wulfenbraz stood almost exactly between me and the open doors. I saw his armor as a beacon, leading me to him. My right hand plucked the prevaldia bayonet from its sheath as I crept towards the enemy. The azure blade did not even whisper as it left the leather scabbard. My feet made even less noise, confident and quiet on the floor I knew so well. "In and out," I thought, [I]"strike quickly to a vital area. The armor should protect my clothes from the blood spatter. I stepped into striking range like a wraith, the dagger gripped tight by sore knuckles. I stabbed at the paladin's left thigh, making sure to use enough force to drive the point through the iron protection. At the end of the extension I pulled back quickly, hoping to slice an artery or leave Wulfenbraz's quadricep crippled.

[Breaker]

Rok has exceeded the ten-day posting period, and by Pagoda rules this entitles me to the winner's GP. Since Rok hasn't expressed any interest in finishing this, I'm posting a conclusion and submitting it. Karuka can be contacted for verification of Pagoda rules.

Wulfenbraz had left, another worthy challenger defeated. I stood bare-chested by the round coffee table, my backpack open on top of it. I applied a light field dressing to the laceration on my chest and found an intact, unstained shirt to wear. I would seek healing later; at that moment I wanted to meet my friends. Wincing slightly, I pulled the backpack over one shoulder and skirted the bloody mats, heading for the door.

I paused on the threshold, turning to take a final look at the arena. The moon had come out, casting a silvery glow through the glass domed ceiling. The blood on the mats looked black in the moonlight, spattered and smeared like some revolutionary piece of art. I smiled. I was glad Wulfenbraz had challenged me after all. Leaving the arena so spotless hadn't seemed right, somehow. Now, with my own blood and sweat mingling with an opponent’s on the battle floor, I could say goodbye to the octagonal building.

"Maybe I'll be back one day," I said, not feeling in the slightest bit silly for talking to an empty room. I stepped outside and closed the doors, and the whisper they made coming together had an air of finality to it. Despite the ugly gash on my chest, I had defeated Wulfenbraz without having to fully exert myself. I had been confident about my battle with Shadar before, but now I felt invincible, looking forward to fighting the half elf and usurping his title. With a spring in my step I walked down the dirt road, my thoughts already on the activities to come.

"I hope Danny didn't steal my woman."

Requesting the Warrior's EXP bonus with a winning streak of 1

[Call me J]

As is generally my policy on incomplete threads, I didn’t include too many comments. One of the reasons here is with incomplete threads, is hard to know what people were planning towards the end, and thus, its hard to know where you were going.

016573

Total- 64. This is an atrociously high score for a thread this incomplete. And I mean that in a good way.

Continuity- 5. You mentioned that you would be having a battle against Shadar shortly, but I didn’t really feel like I got much of a sense of why this battle mattered, or where it really fit.

Setting- 6. You described the setting really well here, but you could have done something more interesting with it.

Pacing- 3. This low score is largely an artifact of how the thread had to end.

Dialogue- 8. There was some very good work in making dialogue consistent with your character.

Action- 6. I was really pleased with the way that you incorporated Rokusho’s appearance here. Your score is a bit lower because I really didn’t like the way you made this conclusion happen.

Persona- 8. This thread oozed persona from your perspective. I felt you could have done something interesting had you chosen as the thread got moving.

Mechanics- 9. I noticed a goof proof reading could have avoided. Not a big deal, but it still means you don’t get a 10.

Technique- 7. You didn’t really have a lot of time to impress me here.

Clarity- 9. The transition between your last two posts was confusing.

Wild Card- 3. This low score emerges out of my ire for the way this thing ended.

Rok the Blade

Total- 57. This is another score that is a bit higher than a thread that ends this early in probably deserves. Good work.

Continuity- 9. The way you brought your previous battle into this thread was downright brilliant.

Setting- 6. I liked how you built on 016753’s setting by adding your own details.

Pacing- 3. See 016573’s comments.

Dialogue- 6. It wasn’t bad, but for the most part, it wasn’t astounding. Only the internal monologues showed character.

Action- 5. I don’t think you’ve really thought through the implications of having a character wearing armor.

Persona- 6. I think you have to work a bit on thinking through what depth there is to Rokusho other than that he’s a knight.

Mechanics- 9. Same case as 016573.

Technique- 5. You could stand to be more adventurous. I noticed the onomonopoeia but that was about it as far as technique was concerned.

Clarity- 8. Things could occasionally get a little jumbled, but they were good for the most part. You might want to read over things a little more closely.

Wild Card- 0. For the incomplete.


Spoils
016573 receives 1650 EXP and 150 GP
Rok the Blade receives 450 EXP

[Karuka]

EXP/GP added! Rok the Blade levels up!