The Really Horrible Make-A-Wish Foundation

[Christoph]

Granted. Unfortunately, the wish you wished for won't be granted. You still have it, though.

I wish that I wasn't so lazy.

[Karuka]

Granted. You're now supermotivated to the point where you don't sleep -- half your brain shuts down for twelve hours at a time. And all your time must be productive, or you get hives.


I wish my parakeets weren't so people-shy.

[Christoph]

Granted, but now they've decides that they like other people better than you and they take off.

And now, thanks to you, I have to wish for Ritalin.

[Artifex Felicis]

Granted. But it's delivered by dogs who hump everyone's legs.

I wish I could draw better formal pictures and not waste talent on my doodles.

With barely any edits.

[AdventWings]

Wish granted.

Incidentally, your amazing Da Vinci level works of art are considered blasphemous by the Vatican Church. Therefore, they were burned to ashes by zealots even before you finished drawing.

I wish I can turn stones into loaves of bread. :p

[Wraith]

Granted. Now your classmates throw loaves of bread at you instead of stones. But the loaves are stale, and often infused with crappy flavor combinations you'd find at Subway.

Oh I wish, I wish I had a fish.

[Solomon]

Granted! However, the fish costs a huge amount of money to keep alive. You end up spending all your money on food, tank accessories, and water purifiers, etc, only to end up broke with nothing but the fish who stares at you through the glass with vacant eyes, always taking but never giving anything back in return. You go mad!

As for me... well, I kinda wish I hadn't lost the Conference 1 finals! Lol!

[AdventWings]

Thy wish be granted. ;)

You end up fighting with Murakama Asuka's almost exact double (Yamihara Asuka) and lose. :D

I wish that my prediction comes true. :D

[Christoph]

(Yay for bringing this back to life!)

Granted, but then you predict your own death.

I wish I knew what happened to the man from Nantucket.

[Seth_Rahl]

Granted. The man from Nantucket died, turned into a lich-mindflayer, mind raped an entire drow city, and then killed everyone that you ever loved or knew in one drunken rage. Yes, lich's can get drunk too.

I wish I was a sex god. Crap cant wish for that, I ALREADY AM!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!

Ok, I wish become an insane killer who justifies everything he does to making the world a better place, and when I die everyone will remember me for slaughtering alot of bad people. *cough Death Note cough*

[Xos]

Granted, and you become just another nobody house-cleaner killer taken down by the F.B.I. people still remembers you slaughtered alot of bad people, but nobody that matters, and nobody that does, cares.

I wish I could think of something so totally awesome right now the sheer awesomness of it makes my head explode.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Granted, and thus your wish has already killed yourself. Bye bye, head!

I wish could Role Play on a site called Althanas.

[Melancor]

Granted, but you discover that you are acually an android who's head comes back together after explotion, ruining your life since you now have to live with your suicidal thoughs and never able to crash.

EDIT: Nvm that, we posted at the same time, ANYWHO...

Granted, but you soon discover that you are a noob at writing, and that you never really learned your ABC's.

I wish I had wings which I could fly with.

[Seth_Rahl]

Granted. But your wings, you find one day after jumpinig off a cliff, are no more than illusions. Bye bye!

I wish I was emo.

[AsukaStrikes]

Granted. You slit your wrist in the bathtub two minutes afterwards.

I wish there are more fodder for the cannon. Haha!

[Seth_Rahl]

Sorry, just had to grant this one. ^^

Granted. You ARE the fodder for the cannon.

I wish everything bad in the world happened to me and ruined my life.

[AdventWings]

Wish granted. ;)

HOWEVER! While you were waiting for the effects to take place, the Planetary Alignment shifted and it missed you completely. Instead, it killed your pet dog.

:p

I wish I had Seth_Rahl's freetime.

[Seth_Rahl]

Granted! However, along with Seth_Rahl's freetime, you also gained a lifttime servitude to his overly obese mother, and must scrub her hairy backside whenever she feels like it.

Congrats! *removes schackles from own wrists and places them on AdventWings's*

I wish for absolute nothingness to encover the universe and destroy everything. BWAHAAHAHAHAHA!

[Letho]

Your wish is granted. However, the nothingness destroys only our universe and our dimension. Interdimensional Police tracks you down and travels back in time before you made the wish. They stab you in the spleen before you start typing the wish. You are dead. The universe isn't.

I wish I had a Playstation 3.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Your wish is granted. But while you're playing it in that white room in the ads, a hole is blown in the wall and a giant Elder Scrolls: Oblivion troll leaps out with a club, just looking for someone to pummel to pulp. Bye bye!

I wish... I wish I was Letho! =D

[Seth_Rahl]

Wish granted. You get assasinated two seconds later. Go you.

I wish I was Ichigo Kurosaki, even with his bipolar split personality Ogichi Ikasoruk

[Kially Gaith]

Wish granted. Your split personality does not like you. This split personality slowly removes your genitals.

I wish all your base were belong to me.

[Seth_Rahl]

NOTE: Split pesonality does like me, but also hates me. Watch bleach.

Anyways, your wish is not granted, cause for the one thing that matters the most:

YOU GOT PWNED!

Anywho....I wish I could tap dance.

[Kially Gaith]

Wish granted. You later fall into the sink and break your neck.

I wish that I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner, that is what I'd really like to be.

[Seth_Rahl]

I really wish I could post to this but I cant without powe posting. SKIP ME!!!

[Melancor]

Granted, but you get horribly devoured by a teenage frat boy with a bad case of acne.

I wish that I could become the cosmos!

[Artifex Felicis]

Granted, then Galactus eats you. Like a lollipop with much licking.

I wish I had FFT

[Master Val'Rysn]

Granted(I love FFT btw), you are magically teleported to a plane flying thousands of feet above ground, the teacher says: "Have fun learning your Free Fall Tactics!" And pushes you out the plane... splat. Haha, get it?

I wish I was a character in Final Fantasy 13.

[Kially Gaith]

Granted. You are the martyr that dies for no apparent reason.

I wish the world was not full of morons.

[Christoph]

Granted, but all civilization crumbles as the vast majority of the human population vanishes. Most of the remaining starve to death in the resulting chaos. You are on of them.

I wish that I wasn't sleepy all the time.

[Seth_Rahl]

Wish granted. You are now not sleepy all the time, but as a side affect piss everyone off with your late parties at night. You get arrested after being reprimanded by the police for the umpteenth time, and then get raped by a homosexual psychopath in jail before he slits your throat.

I wish I could wish for something.

[Rahegalhoff]

Granted, but then that wish is unable to be fulfilled.

I Wish I had the Key to The Bottomless Pit.

[Seth_Rahl]

Ah ha, therein lies the trap! You granted my wish, so thus my wish was fuffiled, thus cancelling out anyother wish that I would have made. So now I can wish for what ever I want for no trouble at all! BWHAHAHAHAHa!

Ok, I grant your wish, but it turns out the Bottomless Pit is Godzilla's vaginal canal. Ewwww......

I wish I was a ninja.

[Kially Gaith]

Wish granted. A pirate kills you and ends the argument of who is better.

I wish I ate him, with some father beans, and a nice chianti.

[Seth_Rahl]

Aha, you fell into my trap #2! I reveal to you a secret: NINJAS AND PIRATES ARE THE SAME!!!! :) So thus I couldn't have been killed by a pirate, or I would have killed him first. There, I WIN

Wish denied. I ate him first. :)

I wish I was Battle Angel Alita.

[Kially Gaith]

Wish granted. You are now a woman with frequent periods. You now bleed several times a month and don't die...How about that?

I wish I had an infinite supply of diapers! XD!

[Seth_Rahl]

Trap #3: Lol Androids don't bleed or have periods. Too bad, so far every attempt for you to ruin my wish has been ruined by my traps. Care to try again?

Wish granted. You now also have an infinite number of babies to use the diapers on too. Congrats!

I wish I could not have my life ruined by anyone or anything.

[Kially Gaith]

Wish granted. Your life is perfect, but because of such, you have no friends because you're so stuck up. The end. Oh, and the other two. No one cares. ^_^

I wish Seth Rahl would give other people a chance to answer.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Your wish is granted, but suddenly you realize that you're madly in love with Seth. You commit suicide because you have scared him off. Sad...

I wish I was Death himself (I already am, though).

[Seth_Rahl]

Wish granted. You are awesome. The end.
Hey there is nothing there to ruin! Lol

Trap #4, in response to Kially: Yay, my life is perfect! Who need friends when you've got minions? Thus you cannot ruin my life.

I wish Cameron was my bestest friend....HEHE

[Master Val'Rysn]

As for your "life can't be ruined by anyone wish" I will grant it. But that same night you are brutally raped by a gang of fat men. So rather than your life being ruined by anyone, it was ruined by anymany! Mwahaha!

Your second wish is granted, but you accidentally slice his head off while fighting back-to-back in the middle of a war.

[Seth_Rahl]

Wow, a trap over my trap! I congratulate you on trying. HOWEVER....*unleashes anti trap* Since I only have one a-hole (eww wrong so wrong), I would have to be raped by anyONE at ONE time. Thus, even though I was raped by MANY, I was only raped ONE at a time and thus my life cannot be ruined.

Even though I must seek therapy.
*looks at headless friend* oops. And another one bites the dust...*kicks head away*

I wish I WAS ALTHANAS

[Master Val'Rysn]

You have an asshole, and a mouthhole... *shivers at the image*

Skip me.

[Seth_Rahl]

Lol, but yet you only said raped. You didn't specify by what kind of rape. So I had control over that aspect. I WIN!

Someone grant my wish. AHORA.

[Artifex Felicis]

You disturb me. And they could use knives.

Wish granted, you don't exist in the human sense anymore, not do you have any sentience as humanity defines it. In addition, you do not become like the Flatline Dixie.

[Seth_Rahl]

SWEET! So bassically I'm you, Aritfex?

XD PWNED!
lol jk

BTW, you didn't wish. I'll wish for you! ^^

Artifex wishes he was a bunny.

[Raimeiken]

Granted! But then I got hungry.

Eeh~? How could I do such a thing, you asked? But I was hungry~ T T

I wish there are real Kitsuna in this world. Then I'll have a lot more friends... -sob-

[Rok the Blade]

Wish granted, but the sudden appearance of thousands of unknown creatures sets the world into an apocalyptic rage. A war starts between humans and kitsuna, ending up destroying world civilization. Good job, Rai!

I wish I had a real greatsword.

[Seth_Rahl]

Wish granted. After playing with it, you accidently cut off both of your hands, god knows howm and are never able to write again.

I wish I was Xemnas. No matter what happens to me, my life is perfect if I can be Xemnas for one moment.

[Xos]

I'm sorry, there are currently no wish granting powers at this time, however if you hold someone will be right with you......... Message number 14603........
*Repeats into infinity. Seth_Rahl's wish cannot be granted.* :(

[AsukaStrikes]

All I can ask is... Who's Xemnas?

Also, Xos did not request a wish to be granted. Therefore, I grant him a Blank Wish!

Too bad, though. Because it's blank, it really can't grant you anything you wish for.

I wish I was the UFC Champion.

[Xos]

It might be blank, but its impossible to screw up a non-wish.

Granted, you are the UFC, but your number one contender is an eight foot 500 pound monster of a man (or woman as the case may or may not be.) from accross the seas. That 500 pounds is not in anyway fat, infact only about ten percent, that's 50 pounds, is fat, the rest is muscle and bones.

I wish I knew what really goes on in area 51.

[AsukaStrikes]

Wish granted.

Then you realized you have only ten more minutes to live afterwards.

I wish he knew what went down in Roswell instead.

[Xos]

Granted, but because of my new found knowledge I am now forced to live off world with our closest neighbors.

I wish I had a pet minotaur, and the labrynthian maze to keep it in.

[Viola Darkstalker]

Granted, but unfortunately, you get lost in your own maze and the minotaur gores you for the rest of eternity.

I wish they would hurry up and make true artificial intelligence.

[Xos]

Granted, but then it surpasses and wipes out human intelligence.

I wish Zeno of Elia's Paradoxes of motion weren't really paradoxes but cold hard scientific Facts.

[Seth_Rahl]

Xemnas is character from Kingdom hears 2

Wish granted. The truth of the paradoxes eventually overwhelm you and you go insane and kill yourself.

I wish I wouldn't have to worry about college...(seriously...)

[Xos]

Xemnas is character from Kingdom hears 2

Wish granted. The truth of the paradoxes eventually overwhelm you and you go insane and kill yourself.

I wish I wouldn't have to worry about college...(seriously...)

HA! I have trapped the trapper! Zeno's Paradoxes state that all motion is impossible and therefore just an illusion. Therefore I haven't killed myself, the paradoxes of motion have, but also they have killed everyone and everything that in some manner depends on motion to exist.

Anyways, Wish granted, you don't have to worry about College because you can't go to college due to Zeno's Paradox because going to college in any manner requires at least some small degree of motion.

I wish I could just will myself from Quantum Time Space Coordinate to Quantum Time space Coordinate.

[Viola Darkstalker]

Granted, but seeing how you accidentally make a miscalculation and end up in space, you die before you realize you made a mistake.

I wish that "free" actually meant "with no cost to anyone"

[Rok the Blade]

Wish granted, but then I decide to run inside your house and murder you. Freely, of course.

I wish the truth of religion would be revealed to us all. Knowing that would have me satisfied enough to die. I literally ponder the true origin of it everyday.

[Xilium Rupertus]

The truth of religon is revealed to everyone, but just a few moments before you die, leaving you left in the dark forever.

I wish this thread would end.

[Karuka]

It did. And then it was necromanced. You perpetuated a zombie thread.

I wish I actually had some energy...it's a long walk home.

[The Bard]

Granted: But to much energy causes your heart to get bigger and now you have a Cardiac disease that lets you live for only 2 more years.

I wish I was a great leader

[Angel of Light]

Granted: You lead an army through the frozen antarctic regions, but everyone but you dies and nobody believes you afterward.

I wish people would post faster.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Hey I take offense to that, I post pretty fast.

Granted, but in a days time you notice that Althanas has been filled with short, shitty and rushed posts. The forums immediately clog up and even after a couple minutes your post and this one have been buried beneath 200 more replies granting that single wish, all in an effort to post faster.

I wish I could cast magic in real life. (No really, I do. I'm a nerd like that)

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

Granted. You start to dream of all the spells you would like to cast at those jerkwads who stole your milk money back in middle school. You start to practice a particularly devastating lightning bolt spell, but it backfires, blows your hand clean off the rest of your arm, and puts you in a coma for the rest of your days.

I wish that I would stop procrastinating and write this damn book I've been trying to write for about a week now.

[Seth_Rahl]

aH SOMeon fInally traPPed mE I conGraTUlaTe xos...HEHE

CREEPY Eh?

WISH graNted. everyonE HAtes your boOK AnD DECIDES TO Burn EVERY SINgle copy of it.
(by THE WAY, these letters aREN't on PUPOSE STUPID CAps lock finG UP)

i WISH MY CAps lock would work

[AdventWings]

Wish granted. :D

Now your Enter key is locked up instead. :eek:

I wish I had ten arms. >.> (Kudos to anyone who gets the reference)

[Xos]

Granted, but their all in inconvienient locations, and are relativly useless, except as conversation starters.

I wish I knew what refrence Adventwings was talking about.

[Seth_Rahl]

Wish granted. You find out. Intimately. :)

I wish I was a vampire

[Raimeiken]

Your wish is granted!

Unfortunately, now I have to slay you. -Executes an Ultimate Secret Sword Technique on the Vampire Seth Rahl-

I wish... Konoka and I are inseparable!

[Seth_Rahl]

Your wish is granted. You now share one body and drive each other insane, and can never ever have sex without it being ruined.

I wish I could quit power posting.

[Xos]

Granted, now you barely ever post and eventually just become a thing of the past.

I Wish I could perfectly and flawlessly understand men and women without exception.

[Seth_Rahl]

granted, you now under stand that you are Neither.
i wish for someone elses wish to come true.

[Raimeiken]

Wish Granted! You've granted that my wish come true!

I wished that Seth-kun has less than normal free-time. Heehee. ^^

[Whiteshadow]

lol wish granted. I am now an exotic stripper hired by your mother for her personal entertainment, and you just happen to see me every Wednesday for "tea time". 0_0

I wish my "hunting job" thread would be judged soon..

[NagashAscendant]

Wish granted
Your thread was judged to be the worst ever and an affront to the online community in general. Hordes of angry blog-nerds wheel their computer chairs out into the streets and chase after you, typing uber-death cheats for WoW on thier keyboards and expecting you to die

I wish i knew more of true magic

[Whiteshadow]

lol alex you hoe

you wish is granted. you accidentally summon the princess of the undead and can only watch as she devours your soul.

Wait, how is that a bad thing?

I wish I didn't have so many issues with my gf....:(

[NagashAscendant]

( hmmm... wtahcing an undead princess as she devours me.... works for me!)

wish granted

you now have no g/f and slowly go blind from self-abuse

I wish I learned how to play "Bat Country" on my guitar

[Moonlit Raven]

Granted.

Unfortunately, you've practiced so much you developed such a extreme case of arthritis that even drugs can not keep the pain out of your joints.

I wish alcohol didn't give me headaches.

[AdventWings]

Wish granted. ;)

But you also cannot get drunk nor taste alcohol as well. To you, wine and beer tastes like tap water.

I wish someone would get me a PS3.

[Moonlit Raven]

Wish granted.

Some kind stranger gives you a PS3 out of the goodness of their heart. Unfortunately the PS3 gives you only one hour of game time.


I wish my cat wasn't such a blockhead.

[NagashAscendant]

Granted

You cat becomes unnaturally intelligent, and then becomes bore dhunting mice. She decides YOU are the ultimate prey, and east you with a side of your parents

i wish someone would fricken aprove my charecter already

[Zook Murnig]

Granted, but you can't think of a good idea for a first quest, finally resolving to kill yourself. If you can't be with your character...damn it how does it go again?

I wish I could finish this damn solo quest I'm writing already!!!

[Seth_Rahl]

wish granted, but as soon as its done you get writers block for the rest of your life and see no point in living.

I wish for nothing.

[Zook Murnig]

Granted. You now live your life exactly as you always have. What a hell it is indeed.

I wish I didn't impregnate with my mere touch.

[Atzar]

Granted. Your dick falls off.

I wish I had everything I wanted and nothing I don't.

[Zook Murnig]

Granted. With nothing left to live for, you commit suicide using your favorite collectible cyanide pill.

I wish that nothing bad could ever come of any wish I ever made.

[Seth_Rahl]

Wish denied. You officially have pissed off the god of this thread and he condemns you to eternal suffering in his mother's vagina.

Not really, lol...

Fine, as god of this thread, i hereby grant your wish. Now go live happy and die fast, MF. :)

I wish I never remember any of my ex's...

[Moonlit Raven]

Wish granted. From here on out you forget every ex as soon as they walk away. The down side is after a spat you break up with the person destined to be your perfect lover and soul mate. Thereby damning yourself to a life of horrible failed relationships.


I wish people would be more friendly.

[NagashAscendant]

Granted. You are forcibly "recruited" into a sex cult commune in the middle of the desert, where everyone in extreeeemly freindly.

I wish i had a blood doll (props to anyone who knows what i mean)

[Moonlit Raven]

Wish granted.

You get your blood doll, a week later you find out that your new dolly has a nifty surprise for you. Three letters.



I wish for a fully modern subterranean society I could use as my play ground.

[NagashAscendant]

haha nice
Granted, but they are secretely a cult of C'thulhu worshippers who lull you into a fake sense of power until they feed you to their ravenous god

I wish they made a cure for HIV ;)

[Kially Gaith]

Granted, you have your cure for HIV, it results in cancer of the genitals.

I wish that you couldn't grant my wish.

[Seth_Rahl]

Wish denied. You now are the slave of the god of this thread.

I wish the devil had a daughter named Laura who was a goody goody in school but could fire bolts of flame or ice from her hands.

[Ladies' Man]

Granted. She finds out you've been stalking her and burns your brains in front of you afer dragging them out of your head with ice stakes. And then her dad finds out and gets a hold of you . . .


I wish I was eidetic.

[Whiteshadow]

What are you talking bout? I AM HER FATHER!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*ahem* Wish denied. Just cause I dont' feel like granting it. :)

I wish for the next person who wishes to wish 3 more times.

[Xos]

Wish denied. You now are the slave of the god of this thread.

I wish the devil had a daughter named Laura who was a goody goody in school but could fire bolts of flame or ice from her hands.


Granted. She finds out you've been stalking her and burns your brains in front of you afer dragging them out of your head with ice stakes.

How the heck do you two know my mother and her powers?

Funny coincidence, my mother's name really is Laura.

Anyways... On to whitey's wish....

Granted, but they are all about harming you.

I wish Whiteshadow suffered horrible unending agony every time he climaxed in sex, whether in Masturbation or with a partner.

I wish Whiteshadow was the world's first victim of a horrible new flesh eating virus that won't be cured for another hundred or so years. A virus that can transmit itself through the air at will.

I Wish Whiteshadow and all his alter-egos were unable to post in this thread for a time span of one month.

By following Whiteshadow's wish the above must be granted and the wisher cannot be held in slavery or in any other way harmed by the outcome of these wishes.

[Shortie_Chee]

I am not Sethy's alter ego, so I can do this for my babe....

I would grant your wishes, but as the 3rd and fine print are not possible I hereby deny your wishes, and Seth's for that matter. Sorry! :)

I wish Sethy would stop complaining bout our relationship and suck it up!

[AsukaStrikes]

Your wish is granted.

Seth turns mute. Bwahahaha.

I wish I can go 72 hours non-stop without needing sleep.

[Zook Murnig]

Granted, you are now dead.

I wish I could fly faster than a speeding tortoise!

[Kially Gaith]

Wish granted, you fly SOOOOO 'fast' that the aging process takes its' toll on you, killing you of old age before you hit 4 miles an hour, kind of like driving a Robin Reliant.

[Whiteshadow]

Why would that kill him? 1) a speeding tortoise. Cant be that fast. So even if it was one/mph higher, his wish would still be granted. that wouldn't kill lol

Anyhoo, Kially didn't wish, so I'm making 2 wishes.

1)I wish that my second wish was denied.
2) I wish that my first wish was granted.

^^

[RumpleGrumblePuss]

Thread revival!

Wish(s) granted. Your granted, not granted wishes create a paradox in which the world is annihilated.


I wish for the ability to understand my mouthy cat when he's going on and on and on about something.

[Zook Murnig]

Granted. Your mouthy cat is apparently an evil dictator, a la Cats & Dogs, and the thought of it ruling the world haunts your dreams every night. You never get a good night's sleep again, until you viciously disembowel the feline, causing the local humane society to kidnap you and torture you similarly.

They do feed you well, though.

I wish I was living in an apartment with my woman at my side, and working at a hospital in the pediatrics ward.

[Skie and Avery]

Wish granted, but unfortunately your woman is at your side because you guys are conjoined twins. Incest is best baby. And you've got to work in pediatrics because all the kids you guys have had are constantly in the hospital for all those disorder your incestuous relationship has put upon them. Sorry about that. Finally, she says that she wants to have babies by other men so you guys can raise some healthy kids. You have to be present for that, with the whole, you guys share some common organs. You think one of her other lovers keeps looking at you weird when he orgasms. And the cum that managed to seep onto your thigh? Because of how her body is positioned, you can't wash it off. The smell reminds you of your shame and her betrayal always.

I wish this child would fall asleep dammit! It's naptime!

[Karuka]

Oh he falls asleep...but due to your gross negligence, he rolls over into a position where he cannot breathe. He does not ever wake up, and you have to explain to his parents why he's dead.

I wish this chair were comfortable.

[Moonlit Raven]

Wish granted. Your chair instantly becomes the most comfortable chair in the world, but, like a delicious poisoned desert you can not help but stay in it. In the soft embrace of your chair you waste away and die, refusing to move for food or water.


I wish the whiney people knew when to shut the hell up.

[Esmerelda]

Thread Revival!


Granted, but no one ever talks to you anymore.



I wish I had a G/F.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Granted, but she requires full time attention and you never have time to post or eat or drink and eventually you die just after you find out your girlfriend was a zombie all along that was waiting for your death so she could eat you without angering you.

I wish people knew more about me.

[Logan]

Wish granted but one small teensy weensy thing went awry. One guy found out about you and became your stalker. He stalked you to the point that even you, I know shocking, were forced into hiding. Eventually he backed off, but as soon as you came out of hiding he butt-raped you until you were ripped in half. So sad...

I wish I had more determination to finish this new character history.

[Breaker]

Granted, but you get denied for plagarism of a story you'd never even heard of! What are the odds right? Turns out it was some late-night radio drama you accidentaly listened to while asleep. D'oh, back to the drawing board.

I wish... for my thread to be judged before the end of the weekend.

[Anila]

Granted. But it scores horribly because you didn't have it thoroughly proof read.

I wish it was about 5 degrees F cooler in here.

[Call me J]

Granted, its five degrees cooler, but the humidity has rose to insufferable levels.

I wish it was possible to be more awesome than I already am.

[Breaker]

Granted. it is. Dem's de breaks.

I wish for more thunderstorms like the one that just ended.

[Bloodrose]

Granted, but during the storm a stray lightning bolt rips through your room, frying your computer and setting all your worldly possessions ablaze! Luckily you were in the kitchen cooking a frozen pizza, and thus saved from a fiery, lightning-y death...

I wish my job would let me work from home.

[Logan]

This one's too easy:

Granted...you beg and plead with your supervisor to let you work from home. They buy you this really sweet multimedia-laced laptop with all sorts of bells and whistles just so you can do work from home. You get home, plug it in, and determine that it's in fact, defective. You call up their tech support...uh-oh...hold music...for ETERNITY!


I wish I could complete one of the threads I'm in this weekend...

[Esmerelda]

Granted, but then you find none of your other threads ever complete.

I wish I had the power to read surface thoughts.

[Karuka]

Granted. And then you REALLY wish you couldn't. Ugh. *shudder*

I wish that [lack of] money was not a hindrance.

[Esmerelda]

Granted, now lack of strength is a hinderence, and the strong prey upon the weak and frail.

I wish someone would answer my purchase thread in The Bazaar.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Granted, but you don't have enough money for the purchase.

I wish I had a life.

[Xos]

Granted, but it's the kind of life that earns you fifteen seconds of shame on America's most wanted, and ends with a showdown with the F.B.I. Have fun in Supermax.

I wish money grew on trees.

[Edward Judorne]

Granted, but the seeds for those trees cost $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 .

I wish I could live a life of leisure.

[Winterhair]

Granted, but you soon grow bored of your life and decide to do something "exciting". That "exciting" thing gets you killed. And there goes your life, and your leisure while your at it.

I wish my mother wasn't the Eater of Worlds.

[Bloodrose]

Granted. Instead of "Eater of Worlds", she's now just plain old "Whooper of Asses". Enjoy your beatings...

I wish my truck ran on a fuel made of used coffee grounds.

[Karuka]

Granted. But the fuel is less efficient than gasoline and takes about 100 pounds of grounds per mile, so it's just not worth it. And it messes with your truck's engine, meaning that one day it blows up in your face. Just BOOM. Dead.

I wish my parakeets weren't so skittish.

[Winterhair]

Granted. They are now fake parakeets. And how pathetic do you have to be to have fake parakeets?

I wish Death was a sexy lady with black hair and spanish eyes. :D

[Valanthe]

Granted, and guess who's your new girlfriend? She's a real killer at parties. Soon you don't have any friends or any other companion, including those of us you speak to online, because we're all dead. As it turns out, Death is very jealous. Your now all alone, and immortal, stuck in a living hell because Death refuses to take her significant other.

I wish I could see dead people.

[Winterhair]

Wish granted. You now see everyone that my new, and awesome girlfriend, just annihilated. Including yourself. :D I just got the best wish in the whole world.

I wish I didn't understand that which should not be understood but is understood by me because I understand that which doesn't make sense.

[Esmerelda]

Granted, however because nothing ever makes sense to at least one person, you now understand absolutly nothing. You just sit around all day drooling on yourself in your lack of understanding. Lady Death leaves you for me. Everyone gets revived.

I wish I had a one way ticket to hell.

[Winterhair]

(sonuvabitch. You win.)

Wish granted.
*hands you a ticket*
What, were you expecting something else?

I wish to be a better writer, in all honesty.

[Esmerelda]

(sonuvabitch. You win.)

Wish granted.
*hands you a ticket*
What, were you expecting something else?

I wish to be a better writer, in all honesty.

YAY! I win. In honor of my win, your wish is granted, without twisting of any sort.

_________________-
Restart
_________________-

I wish the moon really was made of green cheese.

[AdventWings]

Thy wish be granted!

It's still not edible, though. :p

I wish... People would go outside more often.

[Esmerelda]

Granted, nobody plays Althanas anymore, the internet dies because of this. You now have to find something more productive to do in your spare time.

I wish I could visit The Citadel in Radasanth in real life.

[The Forgotten]

Granted. You enter a fight, only to find the monks are taking the day off. You die and aren't revived.

I wish I had more free time.

[Winterhair]

Granted. You spend all of it playing with yourself and thus get nothing done.

I wish Chuck Norris was my bitch.

[Edward Judorne]

Granted, but Lady death kills him because she hates Chuck Norris jokes. Suddenly you find yourself arrested for the murder of Chuck Norris and although you manage to escape, Chuck's family comes after you and take turns roundhouse kicking you to the face.

I wish I knew who I was.

[Winterhair]

Granted. You soon find out your *makes unintelligible garbling sounds* and drive yourself insane from the truth, turning into a pseudo-Sephiroth and wanting to conquer the world. You eventually get owned by some spiky haired kid who you kicked twenty something years ago and for some reason holds a pissy grudge against you, using a sword two times his size and obviously overcompensating for something.

I wish Edward knew what he was.

[Edward Judorne]

Granted, After getting owned by the spikey haired kid, I find my body surprisingly instantly healed. After contemplating this, I realize that I am half elf, half vampire. I have none of the weaknesses, save the lust for blood, and seeing as the kid that beat me up ran away, I attack the closest person to me instead, which is Winterhair. Unfortunately, being only half-vampire, the bite doesn't make you a vampire, and instead kills you.

I wish Lady death was a postman.

[Xos]

Granted, and right after delivering your mail, something ticks her off right on your front lawn and she owns your undead ass and prevents you from ever obtaining any state even remotely resembling life ever again.

I wish I could open a Void Nexus.

[Edward Judorne]

Granted. Too bad my Immortal soul was trapped inside it. ThI escape and you get sucked in, then it closes. have fun. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Heck, though, I'll be nice.

I have nothing better to wish for, so...

I wish the last two wishes were rendered Null and void, and that they never were granted.

[Esmerelda]

Granted, however it creates a Temporal Paradox resulting in a Causality Loop.

I wish I could open a Void Nexus...

[Edward Judorne]

Granted, but only for one reason. Due to this wish being annulled before, it couldn't very well allow the you that wish. Instead it creates a new meaning to your wish.

CONGRATULATIONS! you are now the proud owner of a new car, which you open immediately. It gets 0.1 miles per gallon and can hold up to 10 gallons. It is called the "Void Nexus."

Have fun.
--------

I wish I could battle the next person to post in the citadel

[Aiko]

Thread Revival!

Granted, but I get to pick the character I use, and arena we battle in. Once I know your still active (easily done with a PM or a post in this thread) we can get down to bidness, so that for once a wish from this thread could actually really be granted instead of pretending it was.

I wish Edward Judorne was still active

[Edward Judorne]

Granted. There is only one downside... With that wish granted, you now HAVE to battle him in the Citadel.

I wish I was smart enough not to wish for anything here.

[Aiko]

Granted, but the battle still stands. Expect a PM shortly with details. :)

I wish I was the uncontested master of the art of storytelling.

[Terminus Mortis]

Granted. Millions flock to you and stadiums are filled by those wishing to hear your words. It's not long before religious institutions around the world begin to grow jealous of the following you have formed, most of whom now live on a large ranch in Uruguay dedicated to your newly formed cult. Several major religions unite and, together, send a squad of highly trained assassins with orders to "render you harmless" to your estancia. You awake in your darkened bedroom to the sight of a knife being driven into your chest. You try to scream, but drown in your own blood.

On the plus side, you united several major world religions. Secretly, anyways.


I wish... The fabric of space and time tore itself apart, fusing our universe with Althanas. We all take on the likenesses of our characters and the rest of the world that was unable to adapt died off.

[Valanthe]

Granted, but you're unable to adapt and die off with everyone who doesn't have an althy profile.

I wish I knew exactly how to explain Xos's omnimancy at his level update.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Granted, but it doesn't get approved do to it being overpowered.

I wish I could make more than one wish at a time.

[Valanthe]

Granted, but none of your wishes will ever get granted ever again, not even if you find a Genie lamp offline in real life, or wish upon a shooting star, or ANY method of wishing. You are forced to live life as it happens wish free.

[Crystal Suncrest]

You get bad luck in general because you forgot to make a wish. :P

I wish I knew twice as much as I do now.

[Corsana]

Granted. You know twice as much . . . unfortunately, it's all completely useless knowledge. How many calories in an ice cream sandwich? How many hairs on the left ear of a lion? I don't know, but we can always ask Crystal Suncrest. :)

I wish that my character was approved so that I could start rping now.

[Letho]

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, now you have to do a thread with the mod that approved you. ;)

I wish I get two cents for every cent I earn.

[Saxon]

Granted, but now in your new found success you've accidently gotten a girlfriend pregnant! Despite your pleas, she has a firm pro-life stance to abortion and demands that you marry her in order to insure your child isn't born a bastard. Unwilling to be tethered to a wife and kid yet, you attempt to run away but are then caught by the father and forced into an old-fashioned shotgun wedding.

What does this have to do with the money you ask?

Your kid is born, your wife is still found wanting, and you remain unhappy. Eight years later, when you can't stand the facade any longer, you file for divorce which you're wife is awarded the car, house, custody of your child and your extra shiny pennies as alimony. Your wife takes the other cent you make for child support.

I wish that my bank awarded me 10% interest in my checking account and compounded it quarterly.

[Corsana]

Granted, but you're not the only one noticing your sudden rise to riches. You become the target of an international super-crime society who is determined to steal your wealth and discover the secret of how you earned it. You're forced to go into hiding in poverty-stricken region and can never spend your wealth.

I wish that I could have a nice, big lobster for dinner tonight.

[Valanthe]

Sure thing, but you also have to sail into dangerous seas to catch that dinner. A storm comes out of nowhere, a fierce one. No one makes it back to shore, ever. But hey, Lobster!

I wish money, and it's concept never existed.

[Cyrus the virus]

Granted, but you're a pussy communist.

I wish I had a CAFFEINATED coffee.

[Valanthe]

Granted, but your coffee is so strong it can part the red sea with sheer willpower alone. You never sleep again, ever, and eventually go insane from lack of dreaming and rest.

I wish I understood what was so bad about being a communist, so I could understand how Cyrus's twist makes my wish a bad thing.

[Arsène]

Granted. You express some disdain about the current regime's money management. You end up in a prison for life, being sodomized daily by rough, hairy men with beards thicker than the black forest.

I wish I was dead.

Make that worse.

[Artifex Felicis]

You're constantly on the brink of death, never truly reaching it but by all modern means technically dead. a thousand maggots feast on your flesh and crows constantly peck at regenerating eyes. The closest thing you have to hope is that you'll have but a few moments of peace and the breeze of the birds wings after they finishing blinding yu.

I wish I had a cookie!

[Valanthe]

You have a Cookie! One of Witchblade's poisoned cookies! Your her slave now.

I wish I knew exactly what to give Xos control over with his Science based magic.

[Ataraxis]

You do, and now he can manipulate the phenomenon of spontaneous combustion. The drawback is that he's not immune to it. His epitaph now says: "Best Before 08/15/08. His legacy was a smoking boot."

I wish people would write vignettes about superheroes! /shameless plug

[Mithra Reborn]

you get your wish, people write vignettes about superheroes. But they all suck and are dubbed the worst pieces of literature to grace this world.

I wish my grades don't suck this year.

[Corsana]

Granted. Your grades no longer suck. In fact, they're so wonderful that they catch the notice of a secret governmental branch that comes and whisks you away in the night. You spend years locked in an old army base performing complicated calculations on the rotation speed of missiles.

I wish I had a dog.

[Valanthe]

You have a dog! Remember that notion that myths are based at least partially on fact? Well, not all myths are false. What does this have to do with you having a dog?
Why are there hordes of dead people flooding your residence? Ask your dog, Cerberus. Oh yeah, he's got a real mean temper.

I wish I could watch Corsana play fetch with Cerberus.

[Corsana]

Granted. I grab two large sticks and toss them. Unfortunately, Cerberus has three heads and needs something to clamp into its last empty mouth. His eyes set on your arm.

I wish I had unlimited energy.

[Valanthe]

Granted, but you can't use it.

I wish I could witness the birth of the universe so I finally knew for a fact how it actually happened.

[Saxon]

Granted, but because of the immense stress and strain pushing and pulling on your mind from witnessing such a dazzling sight, you sink back into yourself, develop a severe case of autism, and never speak another word for the rest of your life.

I wish that I could read arabic.

[Arsène]

Granted. But you lose your reading glasses.

I wish we could be heroes, just for one day.

[Corsana]

Granted, but you become mean and I start drinking way too often.

I wish that David Bowie was still rocking his Labyrinth hairstyle.

[Rahegalhoff]

Granted but you lose all your hair.

I wish I owned a highly advanced swarm of Nanites.

[AdventWings]

Thy wish be granted.

On the downside, it enslaves the entire human race. Not you, however, since the Nanites only took over your body after it killed you.

I wish trees could walk.

[Xos]

They do, but never watch where their going, and step on you, squashing you like a bug.

I wish that I didn't have to work for a living, I just automatically generated money whenver I wanted it/needed it, and it was always enough to cover what I need/want.

[Edward Judorne]

Granted, but they are all counterfeit bills and suddenly you find yourself in jail with a bail of $100,000,000 which you automatically generate, all in one dollar bills. With the cell all filled up with the fake money, there is no way for oxygen to reach you and you die from suffocation, drown in a sea of your own money. Sorry, money can't buy your way out of death. There's also the fact that since it was fake money, it couldn't have gotten you out anyway, so in the end you died a pointles, albeit hilarious death.

I wish my life wasn't so full of STRESS!

[Christoph]

Granted. Dead people are very stress-free.

[Edward Judorne]

Man I wish people remembered to make wishes too. (Crap... that was a wish, wasn't it. )

[Valanthe]

Granted, people remember to make wishes, but much to your misfortune, they all cause you great trouble and suffering. You never die, but you'd be surprised what you can live through...

I wish I wasn't so burned out from work so I could get straight to the posts I owe.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Granted, you get fired and can't afford to keep your computer instead.

I wish monday would come sooner.

[Corsana]

Granted. You fall into a trance right now and snap out of it at 12 am Monday morning. However, you can't remember anything that happened to you over the weekend and everyone's giving you these strange looks.

I wish that every day was Saturday.

[Edward Judorne]

granted, but you soon become poor because payday is friday which no longer exists.

I wish I could have fun all the time.

[Moonlit Raven]

Wish granted. The result of you having fun all of the time is your are now in jail and soon to be the jail bride of Bubba. Have fun.

I wish for a cookie.

[Satin]

Wish granted. too bad, though... the cookie was a stale lego brick and sawdust cookie. Maybe next time you should be more specific. Now, Eat up.

I wish I knew where all my stuff was.

[Destrudo]

You know where all your stuff is, it's on Mars, at the top of Olympus Mons, next to all the socks that disappear from dryers around the world.

I wish for a wish that isn't a wish but a dream instead.

[Roith]

Granted. You dream you meet your soul mate, win the lottery, and have a gorgeous home in the Caribbean. Only to wake up moments later next to your fat old spouse, six murder worthy infants, a leaky rundown apartment, and the realization that your life is meaningless and that you should kill yourself.


I wish flying cars existed.

[Moonlit Raven]

Wish granted, the only manufacturer of flying has neglected to recall all cars due to a fatal flaw in several systems that render the cars off balance and more likely to fall like a rock than anything else. Poor you, they just wanted to save some money, greedy bastards.


I wish for a one way ticket to hell that I can give to my nemesis.

[Satin]

Granted, but you can't find your nemesis and you get sent to hell in your Nemesis's stead.

I wish that Moonlit Raven was a Bazaar mod again.

[Moonlit Raven]

Wish granted, but this time I don't bail in time and lose my sanity. In my madness I’m compelled by the devil on my shoulder to hunt down members of althanas that I have made bazaar transactions with and murder in imaginative and horrible ways.

I wish for a thread that actually inspires me to write and a co-writer that won't bail on me.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Granted, but Althanas Crashes Mid-thread

I wish I had a clue on how to beat the optional dungeon in Izuna.

(Ugh. 100 floors, you start at level 1 with no items.)

[Aiko]

Granted, but then you find out your clue is Col. Mustard In the Library with the Revolver.

I wish I could take a stroll around Kessingale.

[Crystal Suncrest]

granted, but it's a short stroll, because you soon find out Kissingale is the name of the totem pole your mom gave you for christmas.

I wish I had less stress in my life.

[Rith]

Granted, except now you've become a thearipist and now you have to listen to everyone else babble about their problems for the rest of your life. Oh and you don't get paid or have time to ever use the potty. Then the toxins in your body cause you to die a horrible painful death all because you could't go tinkle or take a stinky.

I wish google would stop going to Google Deutschland every time I typed in google.com and in any other language for that matter, damnit.

[MetalDrago]

Granted, but Google is bought out by Donald Trump and you have to pay $20.00 a month to use the search engine at all. People everywhere rise in rebellion, only to be quashed by Trump's secret genetic army, all because you wanted a little improvement to Google's page.

I wish that I had 20/20 vision.

[Rith]

Granted, but Crystal Suncrest accidently stabbed both of your eyes out with her fork only the day after you completed both your eye surgerys.

I wish people would put the spatchulas back in the right place after the lunch crew left.

[Irene]

Granted, but they forget to clean up, and an army of cockroaches of every breed and variety infest the kitchen along side a Plague of rats. You realize the error of your wish at least, after coming face to face with a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach riding a giant sewer rat demanding your immediate and unconditional surrender.

I wish I could actually visit Wonderland in real life.

[Tenmatsu Tenimi]

Granted but you must go there with the one person you hate the most, either OOC or IC.


I wish to ahve the power of life and death, as example being able to raise the dead or kill who ever whenever.

[Esmerelda]

Granted, but you have no control over it, and it works by touch, which means no touching me on our trip to wonderland! You end up spending your life alone, miserable, and insane. You move in next door to the Cheshire Cat, the March Hare, The Mad Hatter, and The Doormouse.

I wish I was beyond Tenmatsu's death power.

[MetalDrago]

Granted. You are beyond his power, because you've already been killed by it and brought back, immune to it. The only problem is that while you're still alive, your body is slowly decomposing. The upside is that you're never hungry. The bad side is that you stink, your hair is falling out, your skin is sloughing off, and people run from you. Worse than death, you feel no pain, no pleasure, and your emotions slowly shut down as your despair wears your soul into nothingness.

I wish that I could break the laws of science.

[Play Back]

Granted, but it is soon revealed that living is a science. In your art in defying the laws of science, you are dead, but since you're disobeying the science of decomposing, your body stays perfectly intact, to be raped by any animal or human to come across you.

I wish Dora the Explorer was wiped off the face of the planet.

[Death The Kid]

Granted, but with the void left by her, replacements were mass produced, all even more annoying than the first. Without dora our children grew up being stupid and not understanding foren languages resulting in the next world war.

I wish to ride a wild llama.

[Rith]

Granted, but it kicked you in the crotch and face. Thus you lost all ability to reproduce and broke every bone in your face leaving your steril, horny and retarded looking.

I wish my new debit card would hurry up and come in the damn mail so I can finally buy the new Socom for PS3.

[Irene]

Granted, but before you can get it, I do. I rape your credit report 13 ways from Sunday, and live the good life in the Bahamas while your stuck with the bills.

I wish there was never any such thing as money, not even so much as the concept thereof.

[Rith]

Granted, but then you wouldn't be able to go the bahamas at anyone elses expense.

I wish to kow why cats are such annoying animals. I mean they're so fucking needy, and demanding in subtle ways such as they scratch the doors when they want out, even if you CANT let them out, they bite your ankles for no damn reason, then when they really want something they do the whole "love me, love me, pet me" thing at 4:30 in the damn morning. (It's 5:10am and my cat is stuck in my room and going nuts someone help me)

[Irene]

Granted, but that's because your now a cat. You have no owner, no tags or licenses, and are thrown into a "shelter" for the rest of your life, all two months of it, where you are properly spayed/neutered as appropriate and then when you are not adopted soon enough, "put to sleep". At least you know why cats are as they are though, that's one good thing!":)

I wish there wasn't an overabundance of animals that were unwanted and unloved.
_______________
OOC: Try letting the cat out. Some cats can't stand to be contained.
_______________

[Solstæce]

Granted. There are now a hundred times as many glue factories in the world.

I wish, I wish, I hadn't killed that fish.

[Rith]

Granted, but when it came back to life it stuck a hook in your lip and dragged you around in the nearest body of water and consequently you died of drowning since you aren't a fish. Then it cooked you on a large grill and turned your ass into fillets.


I wish I could go back to bed.

[Torin Reahkari]

Granted, but you realize you picked up a really ugly hooker last night who had a castration fetish.

I wish I was still active. :p

[Knave]

Seems the genie couldn't grant that wish, but I will; years later Althanas haunts your dreams and you will return to post all 162 hours of the week.

I wish this thread was blessed by the necromancer and revived. :P

[Jack Frost]

Wish Granted, but then it became a big troll fest that got out of control.

I wish Activity would pick up