Legend
EXP: 127,650, Level: 15
Level completed: 55%,
EXP required for next Level: 7,350
February Vignette
Prompt: Your character finds love suddenly, coming from someplace they would never have expected.
Yvonne:
Plot:
You certainly have skill in effectively demonstrating the setting, grabbing the reader's attention by presenting them with a beautiful and well-written piece of scenery. Through elegant and elaborate language you give a clear view as to where your short piece is set. You go easily into the dream, presenting the reader with the romance of the piece, and powerful, sexual connotations and passion. The, by using the wind as part of setting, you bring the attention back to the cave, and the here and now. You continue to use setting, by use of sound ("snow-crushing") and mix in a method of horror into the passion, as there is the confusion of your character over what she should and should not enjoy. It has a good solid pace, and I look forwards to reading your larger pieces.
Character:
You build your character well, with a good show in the initial 'dream' of the inner workings of Yvonne's passion. We see here a lot of her persona, and emotions, of what she may or may not want and some of her inner desires. Though there is little dialogue built, and the action that is there is mainly fighting against the attacker, you have some of the strong foundations of what makes a good character. It seems that you have a good idea of who your character is and what drives her. What I would like to see from this is building the voice of Yvonne, and what exactly being a grey dwarf is. You touch on this, and you meet the prompt well.
Writing:
From the outset you prove a very strong use of vocabulary, using unusual words such as, "lambent," to describe the campfire and some examples of alliteration, for instance, "cavern cleft," that help to build your initial setting and atmosphere. The words flow well together, to make a powerful description, through use of adjectives and adverbs. What you could explore is other linguistic techniques, such as metaphor and simile, as well as use of alternative punctuation. What is there, is all mechanically correct, with good spelling and strong paragraphing skills.
Wildcard:
I want to read more already!!!
As Yvonne was the only person who entered she wins!
Rewards:
100 EXP
200 Gold
1 AP
*admin at your service*
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