Code:
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You’re_Not_my_Supervisor.exe
Program executes a single-use stun attack pattern, requiring loading a new ream of printer paper which can be time-consuming, effectively reducing usage to once per encounter/thread. Unit carries a capacity of two reams of paper, and two compatible ink cartridges (refillable).
GoodbyeCruelWorld.exe:
Suicide protocol, intended as a last-resort attempt at eliminating SUBJECT by converting the user into a billowing cloud of fire, concussive force, and shrapnel. Use is predicated upon exploding the end-user, thereby limiting use-per-day to once. Some reassembly required before re-attempting.
Waffle.exe:
Optimal anti-meatbag temperature reached after one turn.
Staple-Gun.exe:
Application has been renamed Spray&Pray.exe, to better describe its intended use. Twice per encounter, used for suppressive fire at range, or more effectively at close range.
Composition
General Automatics model T551-C has a superior natural toughness and does not utilize armor components. Crafted from clockwork and more delicate components of iron with oak joints (thin enough to be just as vulnerable as generic loser meatbag components), thus this model’s substantial weight. Armored points include a reinforced head, chest, and back plate (iron).
