The tension was so thick, you could have cut it with a sexy knife. Jake was a demon hunter of some repute, after all, and the sexy gentleman before him was clearly of demonic descent.

Jake reached sexily into his pocket, but before he could pull out whatever weapon he would choose to wield, the back wall of the store fell away with a whoosh of displaced air. The audience seated on the raked floor behind the false wall set to applauding vigorously.

"What the..." Jake gasped.

Suddenly a conga line of svelte young men burst in from stage right, all sexily naked of course, and a bevy of beautiful women danced the can-can in from the stage left wings, equally as sexily and even more naked.

"Surprise!" The sexy demonic shopkeep exclaimed, pulling a golden magic microphone from behind the counter. "You're on Althanas' Sexiest Singles! If you're as sexy as you think, you won't have any trouble singing a song to serenade and seduce this audience."

"I've got nothing to prove," Jake snorted, "why would I sing for you?"

"Because if you do, you'll receive your poisons FREE OF CHARGE!" The sexy salesman replied. "All I need to know is... how many doses do you need?" He reached out, offering the golden microphone.

Jake hesitated, but then music from the sexy string orchestra in the pit swelled and he seized the mic and struck a pose.

"I need 69!" he sang, "doses of potent poison that is," he drawled, strutting down to the front of the stage and dangling a lithe leg in front of the screaming crowd. He accidentally kicked a violinist in the eye, but the chap had taken some powerful painkillers to numb his fingers for the show and so he barely felt the boot crash into his face.

"But I suppose I can settled for three, or ten," Jake sang sexily, "I only intend to use it on a demon now and then!"

The conga line and the can-can kickers collided behind Jake sexy harmony, and they formed themselves into a single human pyramid of supple flesh. Jake turned and climbed the pyramid slowly, sexily, while continuing to sing in his fine tenor.

"I'm a demon hunter by trade you see, slaying the wicked promotes the free.
But I find myself distracted quite sexily...
By the people in this audience, they're all like a dream!"

Flowers, undergarments, and addresses hastily scrawled on bits of parchment hailed down on the stage as Jake took his bow. The sexy shopkeeper stepped forward and took the magic microphone back, smiling at the crowd.

"Well," he said, "that was pretty amazing. But as per the rules of Althanas' Sexiest Singles, the stuff covering the stage must pile up at least as high as my knees, and it's barely reached my ankles. Therefore, you will have to pay for your poisons. How many doses did you say?"

Jake sighed and pulled out a coin pouch. He'd tried his best. "Just three please."