Trigger warning: suicide attempt, references to suicide and depression
She was left to her own devices, sitting in the warm water. Aynur slowly began to scrub herself with a soap filled washcloth. Unsure if she was even denting the caked layers of dirt upon her skin. What did it matter anyway? She couldn’t see. The water felt nice. Aynur had to admit it was...enjoyable. When was the last time she had felt such warmth?

…

When would she fell it again. The brown haired woman dropped the rag and it slowly fell to the bottom of the tub. What was the point in all of this? Bathing? Cleaning the grime from her skin? Who was she trying to fool. She’d inevitably climb back into the tattered remains of her clothing, she’d find herself back on the streets. Tristain’s kindness could only go so far and she had nothing to offer him.

Nothing…

’I’m nothing…’

The thought screamed at her, drowning out anything else in her mind. The bath water felt cold and numb against her skin and as she rubbed her arms she felt goosebumps form. The temperature hadn’t changed just her attitude. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. This...there was no way this could ever last.

Aynur pulled herself from the bath. Slowly. One foot, then the other. Step by step she shuffled till she bumped into something hard. It sat above the ground around waist height. Her fingers danced oer the cold, circular concave. Oh… It was a sink. Her fingers brushed across something else.

’Scissors’

Her hand clasped over the cold metal and she turned on her heel to shuffle back into the bath. The air was cold against her bare skin and the touch of the water welcomed her like a warm embrace. Something she felt she had long since forgotten. When was she ever held with a tender emotion. Lucifer? No… that was under false pretences. Before that? Her brow furrowed.

She wished she could concentrate on a time before that but his mental torture, his sick and twisted magic made that nearly impossible. If there were good memories they were long gone and buried. Aynur found herself sliding further and further into the waters of the tub til her head was completely submerged.

She could feel the thump of her own heart.

Ba-thump
Ba-thump
Ba-thump

A calming sound that rang in her ears. She felt...at peace. Even as her chest began to burn she felt an odd sense of peace and an overwhelming desire to stay like this. In this moment. Forever. Floating forever in the warmth of these tepid waters.

As her thoughts drifted to such things she realized she still had the scissors in her hand. She ran a finger tip along its edge and felt a prick. They were sharp.

She was going to die someday soon anyway. Why not here, why not on her own terms and in peace.

----

The crimson tide danced in circles amongst the water, rising to the surface in little hurricanes of life. Life being leached from one who had lost the will to live. Her body felt cold but she was barely aware of it.

’This is...peaceful’

Barely aware, unable to hear anything but the beat of her own heart amidst the waters.

Ba-thump
Ba-thump
Ba-thump