Go with him? Have a companion? Not be alone…. Those thoughts appealed to Aynur, but - what good was she? She was nothing. She couldn’t even offer an extra pair of eyes or a warm meal. She could hear his slow footfalls move away from her, and with it the warmth he provided.

“U-uh..I would.” She quickly said before she heard him close the door behind him to leave. There was a silence in the air, stilled and for a moment Aynur wasn’t sure if he was actually there or not. “Come with you- I mean. If it wouldn’t be a burden or a bother or I mean… I’m not, I can’t fight. I can’t see - but I want to learn to do things and I mean I guess I can’t do that if i just sit here I want to be more, I don’t.I ah…” She drew a deep breath and pressed her hands to her heated cheeks. Wasn’t this the exact scenario she found herself in last time?

No...Lucifer had been an Ar’tuel, and she had followed him because she was certain she’d be able to aid him. This was different. She would need a few days at the very least to gain any semblance of strength. Even now she felt dizzy, lightheaded. “I -perhaps I should stay.” She mumbled. Tristain hadn’t replied.

The click of the door signalled his departure and Aynur assumed she was now alone in the room. She couldn’t hear his footsteps. So she was alone, right?

“What was I thinking…” She sighed as she gripped the clothing he had given her in her fists. He had just saved her life. Aynur knew she wanted… still, a part of her wants to die.. Aynur didn’t want to be here, to be a burden. She didn’t want to deal with this wretched life. Aynur pulled the clothing to her face and buried her nose into the soft fabric. They smelt as though they were freshly laundered. The broken girl managed a small laugh, god… I was so pathetic, I couldn’t even take my own life. I failed at the one thing that should have been the easiest. Dammit…

Aynur pushed herself off the bed as she fumbled with the clothes. First, a long sleeved shirt with no buttons. she could feel a criss-cross pattern of cord in the front. They felt to be the typical thing a man would wear. Tristain got what he could. Aynur pulled it on over herself then followed suit with the pants. It felt weird...to have clean clothes. They were baggy but they suited. She picked up the last of the three articles he had given me. It felt heavy, plush...and nice between her fingers. It felt like a thick piece of material and took the woman several minutes to realize it was a cape.

The warmth sunk into shivering flesh and Aynur wondered if she truly deserved such a thing. How long could this possibly last? How long before he was fed up with her? Aynur felt a heavy weight hit her chest like a tonne of bricks. It tore at her and she felt like she was drowning. She felt like she wasn’t in control. The only time she had control...

Where were those scissors?

She slowly made her way back to the bathroom and felt around for the cool metal. She’d feel better having them on her. Just in case. She found them….in the corner of the room and breathed a sigh of relief as her hands wrapped around the metal. Temptation ebbed at Aynur, to finish what she started. Her brows furrowed as she managed to find her way out of the bathroom and back to resting on the bed. Aynur bought her bare feet up to sit cross legged on the sheets.

She began to open and close the scissors, listening to the ‘snip’, ‘snip’ sound. It’d...it’d be easier this time right? She’d just have to press harder -have to make them big enough so Tristain wouldn’t be able to fix it with a bandage.

Aynur flicked the scissors open and pressed them to her skin, just enough for it to prickle. She winced at the slight pain and felt a small pool of wetness slide down her arm. She had drawn blood. Aynur pursed her lips. Dare she continue? The pain wouldn’t last forever…

And…

It’d be better than any sort of alternative.

Aynur pressed again but stopped when the sound of Tristains voice filled her mind. His worried tone, the way he tried so hard to stop her wounds. The warmth of his skin, the shaking of his voice as he admitted he was once in a bad place.

Then…

His offer for her to join him.

Even though she could barely stand, was blind… and virtually useless.

He had offered.

Aynur sighed and pulled the scissors away, hiding them in a deep pocket in her pants. No. She couldn’t do that to him. She couldn’t have him walk in on a dying person. If she were to die, it’d be when she was alone.