Commentary for Ebivoulya

Plot:

The setting you create in this piece is rich and introduced well. Small details such as the butterflies surviving, and not surviving, add to the eeriness that you establish of the place. The scene continues to get interesting with the village of tents, the introduction of other people and the general mystery of the place. You continue to establish parts of the maze-like structure, with suggestions of gears and movement, and the addition of unique details aid your writing well into the end.
Plot is very well established from the beginning, and you have a great sense of the mystery of the horror around it. You build tension well and only let out secrets when they are least expected, that aid the building of such. The final twist is punchy and unexpected. Pacing is more or less good, but is jarred a little with the amalgamation of speech within one paragraph. If you space them out it will aid to clarity and ease of reading.

Character:

The main character being your half-elf Nyadir builds up successfully over time, with elements of his personality being built on. At the start the concentration for the piece was on setting the scene, but once you got into the story and the climax of the betrayal. Though he speaks little his actions are powerful and meaningful, with little fuss about them. Some elements of persona could be used in here, but overall you built a convincing person-hood.
He carries the plot well, though this is also supported by the other characters, especially Ivere and Laudin. They each give their own perspectives on things and give the idea that there is more of a mystery to the place than is at first seen.

Writing:

There is a great amount of description for the scenery, that allows the reader to picture the piece within their mind. The use of language, when you speak of gears and the tents etc adds to this. Overall more imagery could be picked up and a wider vocabulary would be a way to develop, but in general this piece has allowance for the reader to understand what they are looking at and what is occurring.
For speech, it is good practise if you separate out each speaker to their own line. This can help the reader to know who is speaking more clearly. There are times as well that you to not use a comma before introducing a line of speech. A quick scan before posting can aid here.
Aside from this there are no moments where the story is not clear.

Conclusion:

Overall, a good read with just a few areas to tidy up. It fitted the prompt well and though it was longer than a traditional vignette deserved the win.