The Little General Who Could

[Flamebird]

Ash and rain, tears of destruction. Would the past repeat itself?



The Little General Who Could.
Solo.

[Flamebird]

The mind is a wicked place.

What twisted thoughts and horrid memories could be brought up to the soul who wanted to forget? Oh, what agony awaited the one who's head was sick like a black lung. Sleep was never peaceful, sleep was never restful. Physically, the body was well, but every day she awoke with tormented thoughts dancing around the fire of her psyche, dancing in the ashes of her joy.

Deadly, deadly were the dreams that made her toss and turn every night. She slept with reluctance, knowing at least her body needed to be ready for the days ahead. The town of Whitevale vanquished their foe, Arius the Wizard, but at a terrible cost. Now, she was mandatory in the stabilization of the Brotherhood's realm. It was ironic that inside, she was being torn apart all the same. Her mentor, her leader, the person she looked up to, was gone. It was not the first time. Vile memories churned into nightmares even more vile sieged her senses in her sleep. Torment... torment...

Her uncle, her cousin... both died out of her control. She survived, they did not. Her first teacher, Ashla, turned from a distant but kind woman into a murderous monster. Out of her control. She could do nothing... This loss of control, these events from her past, screamed at her every day with the loud clanging of broken symbols. Her dreams were a blur of memories, nightmares, and a mix of both. Eventually, within the echoes and labyrinths of her torture, she finally opened her eye.

In a sharp instant, she flung herself out of bed. As some sort of sound echoed in the background, the girl panted as sweat dripped down her frame. As her heavy breaths began to slow, she steadily came to. This place was familiar. In the darkness of what appeared to be night, several weapons were neatly hung on one end of the wooden wall. Turn around, there were a bookshelf and a wardrobe standing side by side. The bed, she turned to see again, was soaked wet from her sweat, tears, and spit. It stunk too. The sheets were knotted, tossed, and torn. The pillow had been flung across the room, no atop the wardrobe. At last, the girl turned to where she finally became more aware of the repeating ding in her ears. The rich, redwood grandfather clock had struck four in the morning, just as always.

Oh. The girl walked towards the mirror next to the clock. Time to get up.

She wore a loose, white nightgown which was soaked now, hung to her muscular frame. The girl sighed as she pushed her red hair, wet as a mop, behind her ears. Green eyes glared into the mirror. The look reflected was filled with sorrow, dread, and self loathing.

"Felicity," She spat at herself, "Wake up."

[Flamebird]

Slowly walking into the kitchen, barefeet creaking the wooden floorboards, Felicity tumbled towards the windowsill. Outside, it was pitch dark as always. However, some plants stubbornly grew despite the rolling ash cloud above. Felicity had been lucky to come across them during a patrol early in her stay in Whitevale. These were nutritious, strong plants capable of surviving in the dark. She plucked some of the spiked, brown leaves and turned to the stone counter of the small kitchen. She reached to the back and pulled a massive pot of mushrooms closer to her. She reached in and dug a large, pure red mushroom out. These were not the kind that got one drunk, no, these too had nutritional value. Refusing to spend the limited rations of the Brotherhood on herself, she took to growing her own food at home.

Of course, these limited options were disgusting. However, Felicity did not go as hungry as she would otherwise.

As Felicity cut them and mashed them together with her alchemy kit, she turned her face away from the sharp, rough smells wayfaring through the cabin. She grimaced as she poured the strange looking "meal" into a cup, eyes watering. This looked more like dirt than any kind of food, and it smelled like manure. Reluctantly, with harsh thoughts racing through her mind, the young woman yanked her head back and swallowed the stuff as fast as she could without tasting it. Going down her throat, however, it was awful. Felicity had to quickly grab canister of water from the cooler below to avoid barfing the nutritious garbage up again. No matter how horrifying, food was not to be wasted in this time; especially with her high metabolism.

Slamming the empty bottle against the counter, Felicity rubbed the tears from her eyes as she caught her breath. The small, wooden kitchen was small enough to be an outhouse. Still, Felicity was barely here outside of this one meal. She sighed, pushing the mushrooms back to be not so enjoyed another day. She stretched, the thin exercise clothes feeling light and smooth as she groggily pattered towards the door leading out back.

The backyard had been dead in the first place, so Felicity had called in an order for a smooth but flat flooring to be added. This thick cloth flooring was perfect for working out. Heavy weights, poles for stretching, and bars for pulling herself up were all available for the grueling three hours she set aside to keep up her physical prowess. She hastily got the work. The cold morning winds against her tank top and shorts, and the physical exertion, hastily woke her up. She stretched with intent, then she rigorously worked out. As she pushed herself to her physical limits, she counted the amounts of push ups, chin ups, and weight lifts as high as she could. She focused, intent on staying in the present, not the past.

Soon, dim daylight seeped through the thick, grey clouds above. As Felicity lifted another hundreds of pounds weight, she watched the cold morning light break through the trees.

"... One hundred and-"

She let her arms fall, the weight crashing on top of the bar it rested on. As Felicity laid in sweat for the second time, she panted as she felt her body flood with the feeling of being alive. As long as she was physically active, she could live just a little bit better. It was when she stopped, it was when she had to stay still that... the memories returned...

[Flamebird]

Eventually, she returned inside. Now that the light was in, the house was more visible. The simplistic design could stand to be decorated - if Felicity cared. No, the furniture was plain, unpainted and without design - save one or two pieces bought from sets or collections that she needed, like the clock in her room. She briefly peaked into her room again. Adjacent to the wall with her tossed up bed, the clock stood in its usual place. The hand was indeed on six o'clock now. She had an hour.

She leapt into the tiny bathing room and filled the tub with cold water. She hastily bathed, cold and without comfort. Still, she made sure she was clean before drying off and returning to her room just across the hall.

The drapes were closed, they always were. Felicity pulled out black pants and a dark grey, double button top that reached to just above the knees. After placing them on and smoothing her hair our, she turned to face the clock again. It had been about twenty minutes. With a sigh, she pulled a strong from the top of her bookshelf and started to work at her hair. Now, now the time clicked on and on. She desperately tried to work her hair in a way that her massive forehead did not appear too, well, massive. The half-neanderthal growled as she tied and untied her hair over and over. As the clock hit six forty, she forced herself with stick with most of her hair being tied in a tight bun, save the front locks which were left down. It still felt ugly, but it had to do. She then grabbed a single weapon, her prevalida arming sword, off the shelf and tied it to her waistline.

Now, she was ready to go.

Her heart still pounded inside her chest. She was never at ease...

Stepping outside, she was greeted with Whiterun's increasingly familiar scenery. The stone buildings, all appearing the same, were spaced out evenly in a series of cobblestone streets. The scents of business filled the air. Feicity could smell pies cooking from a bakery down the street. She also heard the loud clanging of a metalsmith's hammer against the force. All the murmuring of people walking around, talking daily news, resounded, Felicity felt strangely optimistic. These people were still getting out, despite all that had transpired. So, Felicity walked down the street. As her boots thudded against the hard ground, she walked through the hazy streets as a street cleaner swept up stray ash still laden upon the ground. As Felicity walked, however, she heard the whispers and chattering of those talking amongst themselves.

"Lord Osiris has been gone for some time, will he return?"

"I hope so. Lord Veritas just came back moments prior to his disappearance! He is hardly fit to take his place!

"Do you think Veritas had something to do with it? Was he in league with the Wizard so he could take control?"

"Don't say such things! They have been good friends for ages! Besides, the reason Lord Veritas left in the first place was to track down the traitor for the good of Whiterun... right?"

Felicity reached up, feeling her pulse. Indeed, her heart was racing. Yes, people were in the streets, but they were gossiping and spreading panic. Once again, the heavy burden laying atop her heart felt even heavier. These people needed someone to keep them calm! Steady! Secure! She scowled as she realized she may have to be the one to do it... while all this time, she cried for her mentor to return in her pillow at night.

[Flamebird]

The Banner of Whiterun, with the Banner of the Brotherhood just below it, flew on multiple poles in the dry drought winds.

Felicity was still in awe at the military base's command center. The large, square system had multiple business meeting rooms, barracks, mess halls, and more. In the center, of course, was the outside training grounds. Felicity walked under the massive stone pillars, still looking up at the crests of her home like a bewildered, lost child. Eventually, she slipped through the shadows of the massive entrances into the training grounds. The ground obviously used to be filled with life, but all the plants and grasses had wilted. Only one or two straggling trees remained. Felicity found it hard to not be overwhelmed by current events. Since the Lornius volcano erupted, it was chaos. The only thing that saved Whiterun at all was the limited trade with other countries not so affected by the eruption. From there, rations of food were provided for people. Oh... real food... that sounded incredible.

Felicity shook her head, stalking through the bare dirt grounds to a huddled corner under the shade of the building. There, there was her regiment. Her commanders, captains, and lieutenants all stood ready for her to come. By an early seven o'clock in the morning, many of these men and women were up for a while now. However, it probably was not near the time Felicity woke up as of late.

Felicity cleared her throat, placing her hands behind her back in a formal manner. She lifted her head, trying to create a stature of dignity.

They all saluted her, driving the feelings of being overwhelmed in further. A middle aged human male nodded curtly, "General."

Felicity nodded back, "At ease, everyone."

As they slipped into an at ease form, Felicity turned to a blue skinned dark elf near the edge of the group. "Commander Morloth, are there any threats to report?"

He shook his head, "No, General. All has been quiet since the wizard Arius has been defeated."

Felicity smiled, relieved that no further trouble came from the outside. "Very good, then here are my next orders."

Everyone stared a little closer, tension filling the small corner of the base. Felicity had to gulp the lump in her throat down, clearing her throat to prevent her voice from shaking. Sh spoke. "I order a decrease in patrols. From seven a day to four."

A high elf female and younger human male glanced at each other, a bit worried. Some others were obviously relieved at the lax of patrols. Shinsou and Storm Veritas had pushed the entire Brotherhood to its limit searching for Arius. Now that he was gone, Felicity was free to usher in a sense of calm. This was her plan.

The high elf raised her hand, "All due respect, General, but is lowering our guard risky?"

"I am not lowering any guard." Felicity spoke back. She had planned this conversation all morning and knew exactly how to respond to these questions. "The average patrol, prior to the war on Radansanth, was three a day. We know very well that with peace established and Arius finally gone, we can start to calm down a bit. Especially since the public is doubtful." Felicity leaned in, narrowing her eyes, "There are enough rumors going around to make hell freeze over from the ridiculous claims. If we keep our military presence in everything this high, they will think we are still in danger."

The human next to the elf raised his hand, Felicity held her hand out to silence him. In desperate need to relieve her heart's pounding, Felicity let out a single sigh. "Of course, we have no enemies right now. However, if an enemy were to attack, this would be the time." Felicity closed her eyes, forcing herself not to cry. "Lord Osiris is MIA. With our leader missing, anyone with a bone to pick could seize their chance."

Felicity opened her eyes again, determination hot like fire burning through."I will not let that happen. This is why I still did not reduce our patrols to the base level. Understood?"

Felicity turned to face each and every person here, "I want you all to take your best, and most well rested, men out with you. Chose carefully, because we need the watchful eyes of a few good men more than a million overwhelmed, exhausted ones."

With determination to match her's the vast majority of commanding officers nodded. Although some were still suspicious, Felicity was happy that they saw where she was coming from. With a sharp breath, Felicity looked to Morloth again. "Now, concerning the potential of migrating predators entering our borders..."

[Flamebird]

*Slam!*

Felicity's leg soundly slammed into the punching bag. Now, the sun was as bright as it could get in Corone. Under the cold day's gaze, Felicity practiced her unarmed combat and form. As she practiced, she was pulled away from the world around her and the soldiers training alongside her. Right now, apart from the wind and the voices and even the ground below her feet, was just her and her target. Her victim.

*Whack!*

Her fist landed into the thick hide of the stuffing filled bag. Felicity scowled. Her anger steadily grew as she continued to beat her arms and legs against the object. Her thoughts swirled. Am I doing the right thing? Decreasing the patrol? Maybe I'm just paranoid, of course this is for the best! If the people see us flexing our military power they will see fear! Of course, I- A single wrong hit. Felicity's balance was off and she hit off center. Felicity slowly lowered her stance, gazing upon the punching bag blankly, then...

*POW!*

Felicity slammed her body into the practice item, causing the entire stand to shake in the power of her blow. Teeth gritted, Felicity did not notice her magic affinity swell inside of her, causing her eyes to faintly tint in a dim shine. Inside, things just exploded. Her punches and kicks amplified in power and strength as her grunted in frustration. You just had to leave, Shinsou! You just had to make everything awful!

Surrounding her, the soldiers practicing in the outside world turned to watch her, faces filled with shock.

Why! Why did you leave?! The plan was perfect then everything was ruined! Why?! Why did you leave us?! Why did you-

The punching bag was now deformed. The wooden beam was bent and breaking. There were multiple holes and worn tufts across the punching bag's body.

Why did you leave me!? Why!? You know where I came from, you know what happened to me! Why?! Why would you do this to me!? Traitor! Why!?

Tears swelled in her eyes as her lips parted. Her vision was completely red.

"Why! Why! Why! You little- why-" *Shhhcrack!*

Felicity snapped out of it in the complete release of the punching bag from the earth. The flimsy, pathetic punching bag now was flying across the entire training yard. Felicity leapt back with a gasp as it landed between two men who were sparring and prior to the bag falling between them, had no idea what was going on. As they cried out in terror, they turned to see where it came from. Suddenly, Felicity was aware of many eyes on her. Turning around, she saw saw that a massive crowd of soldiers were drawn to her, saving watched her demolish the training dummy.

Hot shame flooded her chest. As a single tear slipped down her cheek, she remembered her image. She was a General! It was her job to stay strong for these people, to stay composed and mature in the face trouble. Now, the entire garrison had watched her take out some form of feeling on a practice dummy. Her knees felt weak, she struggled to stay afloat the waves of reality again. How could she let herself go in front of them? She lifted her head high, maintained a much calmer stance, and swallowed. Time to put on another mask.

"Get someone to clean that up!" She barked, wincing when she came off as much more enraged than she aimed for. Still, no one questioned her as the two sparring partners dropped their swords and picked up the punching bag and slung it over their backs. As they struggled to keep the weight of it balanced, Felicity turned to see that from the shadows, another man wearing the same badge as she was was watching from the shadows. Another general...

Felicity gauged the door next to him, which lead to a washroom, and dusted herself off. "I need to cool off."

She marched through the crowd slowly. Her heart was pounding so hard it could fly from her chest and land in Dheathian. She felt the boring through her. Through the clothes of dignity, they caught a peak at the bare weakness she carried. The anger, the shame... She needed to escape. Holding her own long enough, she ascended the hard stone steps into the shade of the building's overhangs. There, she eyed the general. And the general eyed her.

[Flamebird]

The General was kept tightly fit like her. He was a middle aged man with a massive, intimidating frame. His short, black hair was orderly and tight as he nodded to Felicity. He seemed human, yet something abut him was far more imposing. Perhaps he had orc or even giant blood somewhere in his family tree? Either way, now, Felicity saw that his gaze was far from intimidating. His eyes were not glazed with wrath, and his stern features were not tight in rage.

"General Felicity Rhyolite?" Oh yeah, his voice was too deep be be a pure human. It was rather frightening.

"Yes." Felicity struggled not to choke, "And you are?"

"General Soot of the 59th." He jerked his head, supported by a thick neck, towards the door. "Follow me."

This man, about seven feet tall, had to bend to get through the small wooden door. The architecture of the hallway was quite impressive. Smooth stones with carvings of ancient happenings, structures, and figures. Felicity was positive she spotted some of the Thayne in there. As she gazed upon the walls of the skinny side hall, Soot spoke. "You lost your composure out there."

Felicity turned to him briefly, then looked down. Once again, the raw emotions began to bubble over as she desperately tried to shut them in. "Yes..."

"You are..." Soot breathed in sharply. Felicity looked through the corner of her eyes to see him crossing his muscular arms, "... Stressed. Anxious."

Felicity pulled her gaze towards the wall, running her fingers across the three dimensional carvings. "Are you here to belittle me?" She spat, her anger bubbling as she felt cornered.

"No," the man spoke. Felicity heard hi begin to pace back and forth. "Believe me, young one, I can tell when I see a tormented soul."

Felicity sharply turned to him, half hunkered as her loose strands of hair covered her face. "Oh yeah?! What i your concern over it!?"

Her saw between her strands of hair, that he was gazing at her softly. "You were wounded, and you never healed. And now, you carry a great weight on your shoulder."

Felicity lashed out with her arm, the rest of her body hunkering against the wall, "Stop!"

The large man stepped closer to her, looking completely unimpressed with her outbursts. "General Rhyolite, from what I hear you care very deeply for your men. You have quickly proved to be a considerate and quick witted leader. Whoever promoted you chose well.

Golden eyes flashed before Felicity's eyes. Her other hand fell against the wall. Shinsou...

"But," Soot lifted his finger, "You are clearly barely holding it together. Not a moment with me and you are cornered like a feral cat. Lashing out like one too."

"So?" Felicity barely breathed, tears flooding her eyes.

"I too joined the military at a young age, not even in my twenties." Soot lowered his hand. "I understand, being unable to develop properly." He lowered his head. "Here is my advice to you, General Rhyolite."

Felicity hastily tried to wipe the tears as fast as they fell, finally listening to General Soot's words.

"Take care of yourself as much as you take care of your men."

[Flamebird]

Clutching her forehead, the girl walked numbly down the streets. Her scuffing footsteps kicked pebbles across the stone street as Felicity was riddled with confusion. All these streets, all the stone and wood buildings, were the same. They all felt like they loomed over her as massive bars, closing in on her. Feeling constricted, Felicity once again felt the desperate desire for escape or comfort. Yet, she knew it could not come. Veritas was cold towards her, and Felicity really did not like him. Shinsou was missing, who knew when he would come back. Even Gweneal had been whisked away to be judged by the Great Thayne for disobeying a direct order. The two closest people to her were out there, somewhere, in danger. Was Gweneal to be punished? Wherever he was, was Shinsou in pain? The questions stabbed her like daggers as she remembered the images of her cousin being murdered, then lying on the ground dead.

Tears flooded her eyes as Felicity sleepwalked through the streets. Why? Why does this always happen?

Her heartbeat accelerated as she remembered. Her uncle died while she was away from him, died a lonely death in an empty house from stroke. If Felicity had been there, would his death have been better? Even preventable? If she was stronger, would be have been able to save her cousin from the woes of Corone's late civil war? Tear streamed down her face as she felt the pangs of grief and guilt tear her apart.

She never took the time to grieve.

The more she spoke with her therapist, however, the more he convinced her to let her feel these things. Anxiety soared as Felicity's steps hastened, near running to her house where she could cry without being seen. She was terrified for the ones away from her. She was terrified that she was not there to protect them. She failed to be there for her uncle and cousin, she now failed to be there for her teacher and guardian.

She raced up the stone steps to her small house. A curse flew from her lips, a habit picked up from Veritas, as she rushed inside and locked the door.

Inside, the untidy house was how she left it. Dust cllected on the furniture, the floors were filthy. No rugs, no decorations, and the placing of the furniture was crooked. She threw her sword onto the floor as she darted to one of the chests. Opening it, she spotted a carving tool she threw in there and forgot about. Felicity pulled the tool out. It was about to be used again...

"Let your take time to grieve," her therapist's words echoed in her head, "You cannot be there for those in the present until you let go of the past. But running is not the answer. Let yourself feel what you feel inside."

"Take care of yourself as much as you take care of your men." General Soot's words resounded much stronger in her thoughts

Felicity darted outside, pulling two large stones from the corner. Plopping them in the center of the yard, Felicity took out the tools ad start engraving letters into them. She had needed to do this a long time ago...

[Flamebird]

Two stones, half buried into the cool dirt, were rested against the tall, stone wall that isolated the left end of her property from all other's. The other sides of the yard were all bordered by the same wall. It was a relief, as Felicity needed to be alone for this. She The clouds made the sky turn darker, and Felicity could smell ashy rain in the air. Quite the coincidence. Felicity stood in front of the stones, her tools rested on a nearby weight lifting bench. The two stones in front of her, the names she engraved herself, were the first visible signs of her grief she let her hand craft.

Fulcrum Rhyolite, loyal father and uncle, 1773-1813.

Jonathan Rhyolite, Proud Soldier of the Coronian Rangers, 1793-1813.

Felicity clasped her shaking hands together. The cold winds rustled her proper, general-like uniform. As her messed up hair waved in the wet winds, Felicity turned to the first tomb. "U-uncle..."

In the distance, the low rumble of thunder was heard.

"Uncle Fulcrum, I..." She shut her eyes, wincing at the memories, "I remember when you came from from working the metalsmith shop in Deerhorn. You were always so tired, but you took the time for my cousin and me..."

She opened her eyes, tears already pounding the ground like it was already raining. "You were there from the very start! When my mother hated me, you took me in as your own, like your own child." Her back throbbed, "You were always telling us two to calm down, and that it took words rather than fists to solve a problem!" She raised her hands, balling them into fists with all her might, "Now, I don't know what to believe anymore!"

She shook her head as a higher pitched crackle resounded in the sky. "Uncle! I love you so much! I never was able to repay you! You took me in and I ran out the door the first chance I got! I'm sorry!"

She screamed at the tomb, which could not hear her, "I ran off with a mentor who turned out to be a murderer! I wasn't there for you! You fed me, clothed me, and I stubbornly ran off for - oh - I don't even know!" Felicity threw her hand, "Glory? Was that it? I don't know why I left you!"

She fell to her knees, her nice black leggings scrapping against the flooring. "And now you're gone! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I need you! But you're gone!"

The image of a middle aged man entered her mind. A middle aged man with thin, black hair with tints of grey. He always was so calm, so collected, even when Felicity and Jonathan came home cut and scraped from run ins with the townsfolk who did not take kindly to Felicity's existence. This man always lectured them, and he was strict at times, but he never raised his voice to the point of wrath. He was the one to defuse the anger Jonathan had, then Felicity picked up on. He was the one who laughed when Jonathan and Felicity kept pulling pranks on each other in unholy times in the morning. He was a good, kindhearted man... and now he was gone.

"I-I was..." Felicity's head was lowered to the ground as she spat, "I never thought about what you needed... You moved to Corone so I could have a better life, then I walked out... I was..."

Flashes of light dotted the sky, but were silent.

"A spoiled brat..."

A single drop of rain hit the ground.

[Flamebird]

"Jonathan..."

Rain began to fall lightly as Felicity whispered.

"You always protected me. You were the one who saved me when kids bullied me or adults tried to hurt me. You stood by me when they said those horrible words..."

She stopped speaking all together. Heavy crying exploded from her as the rain began to slam heavier onto the ground.

"... Please..."

She was out of breath, holding on to concept of breathing by a thread. She wept heavily, the memory of his passing assaulting her mind even now.

"Please..."

She hunkered down, her head against the wet, ashy ground.

"Forgive me..."

She went on and on. For hours. As the sky went dark and the moon started peaking through the clouds. She rambled her heart out to her relatives. About how much she loved them, how they saved her, and how she was coated in shame for being unable to save them from death. All the internal build up over three years of inner torment. Finally, she let it go. She cried, screamed, and physically beat the ground she was on as, at last, she faced the grief and guilt she felt over her family, how she wished she was there like they were, and how they were now gone.

Finally. Closure.