~Act 2: Theselak Forged...~

[Preston]

~Act 2: Theselak Forged…~

If either of you would like to have any further critique please reach out to me and I would be happy to help. I am also open to discussion if you would like to discuss the feedback. Otherwise, it was a pleasure to read this thread and give the following judgement.

Strengths

• Nos, you did well working on describing some of your background. I wish you had expanded on it more as if the reader didn’t know anything so you could explain. However, it was good to get some of it from the history with N’Jal and establishing the city as well.
• At times there were some posts with Cerna that had a good touch of character and story interaction. I would love to see you continue to develop that over time, putting in a bit of characterization with your posts and developing the story!
• Nos you did a good job of continuing the story with content based posts that continued the flow.
• Cerna, Post #54 was very good. It had the proper sentence structure. The sharp way it was written lended to the action of the scene. It also had a pretty good metaphor attached to the attack. That is very good!

Weakness

• Prose: There are a lot of grammatical things throughout the thread on both sides. Simple things like punctuation, capitalization and word usage are absent in a majority of the posts. The more advanced like tense agreement (using present instead of past, or vice versa) is also prevalent.
• Story: I honestly did not get a lot for the background to understand what was happening regarding NPC’s. I get that Nos has a city he founded, but beyond that the other NPC’s in this didn’t give me much to learn about them. And I wasn’t sure on the purpose of the thread as a whole to start. Additionally, the dialogue was flat between both and didn’t show much character.
• Timeline: In post 37 you are suddenly a month later, I’m not sure why but also not sure why this didn’t start a new thread potentially? Or what happened…
• The battle with the demon lord of Xaliel lasted less posts than just the general love making of your two characters. I’m not entirely sure why Nos either doesn’t just rule all of Tular Plains if that is a demon lord, or why he is very much overpowered in comparison.

Stars: ***

Overall, with the star system I would give this thread a 3/10

Rewards

Nos - 1300 exp | 100 gold

Cerna - 480 exp | 100 gold

[Preston]

Exp and Gp added!

Congrats to you both! Nos is now level 9 and Cerna is now level 3!