Judgement: Round 2; Team 2
Congrats on getting to the second round. I’m looking forward to judging. Please let me know if you have any questions or would like additional commentary. I will keep the feedback brief for the most part. =)
Overall: I think, despite you both coming from a round where you were writing together, that you surprisingly did something different, you opened more individually. While you could have easily, and immediately, picked up together you told your character’s story since the end of the past round - this is a great example of how random people being put together could also open a story.
Plot - 17
(Story, Setting, Pace) -
I love the setting and pacing of the writing, interesting and flowed well. I think the story was good as well, but would have liked to see a bit more at the beginning to know what the intention of the thread was going to be.
Character - 21
(Communication, Action, Persona) -
The characters were very realistic for both of you, stoic on one hand and young/energetic on the other. Well written by both. The communication was very good, other than towards the end when the dialogue of the NPC’s felt a little like a tired trope. Action was hard because it was very clunky at times and difficult to read through.
Prose - 20
(Mechanics, Clarity, Technique)
Umbra - the first part of the opening post had a lot of short, quick paragraphs separated that felt a little disjointed or could have been elaborated on a bit. Afterwards, it felt like the style started to settle into place a bit more and flowed well.
The writing for the battle with the demons had portions that were a little unclear, it felt like more word usage and sentence structure, with a scattering of grammatical errors here and there.
Overall it was average across the board.
Wild Card - 7
- Caught that random Star Wars reference thrown in there. =p
- Score - 65
- Rewards -
Umbra: 975 exp | 245 gold
Celandine: 1224 exp | 306 gold
