Judgement: Round 2; Team 4
Congrats on getting to the second round. I’m looking forward to judging. Please let me know if you have any questions or would like additional commentary. I will keep the feedback brief for the most part. =)
Overall: The pacing of the story was well done to start, with the fight flowing nicely. The rest seemed to go a little too fast, like I was reading the cliff-notes of a full story in a way. I thought it was interesting though in general.
Plot - 20
(Story, Setting, Pace)
Pace, as mentioned above, was very quick and yet it somewhat felt like some of the posts could have been condensed into just general “passing of time” paragraphs and more of the story could have been shown towards the end. Speaking of, I wasn’t quite sure I fully understood the demon mind control device mechanic…
Character - 19
(Communication, Action, Persona)
There was a fair amount of good dialogue, both internal and external, and I thought it suited the characters well. I was a bit surprised to see Sorian to lithe at the beginning, as the previous round made me feel like he was more of an old, worn out type of guy. Overall, I felt that ther was a bit of a lack of action that made the thread go by quick with the narrative, but didn’t give me as a reader much to really cling onto outside of the opening posts.
Prose - 22
(Mechanics, Clarity, Technique)
No complaints here overall.
Wild Card - 7
- Score - 68
- Rewards -
Elite: 1511 exp | 377 gold
Storm: 3159 exp | 790 gold
