Workshop: Tap Dancing

[SirArtemis]

Story
Storytelling, Setting, and Pacing

Terrific. I almost hate you for it. Your narrative was so compelling that I wish it was just the preface of a book that I'd sit down and burn through without being able to hold back. You're so talented in storytelling and writing with you is a treat (though you sometimes misrepresent Artemis). But your ability to integrate so much complexity, history, lore, and influence into such a brief narrative is really engaging and exciting. In such a brief space, it makes me want to know about ALL five of your characters and their histories. I've only dabbled with Ruby and Leopold and know barely anything else about the rest, but they seem so vivid and interesting that I can't help but want to know more. I want to google the wiki page about their history, about Oblivion, I want to go read up on the old gods, about all of the Thayne, about the war of the tap, about the forgotten ones, what they did exactly, about Wainwright. The ability you have to make a reader want to know so much about these things is terrific. My biggest complaint is sometimes the settings didn't stand out to me. I had some scenery with the castle and them standing in a circle and I had the scene of them being in Scara Brae around some tree, but beyond that I didn't have much. Maybe that's more on me than you. I'd also say that the pacing sort of got really bumpy right around the transition into the past after the last song. It took me a couple posts to get back into a flow.


Character
Communication, Action, and Persona

Each character has such a unique identity and I want to read a book on each of them, knowing their story and how they came to be members of this troupe. I'd even read one on Wainwright. There's so much I want to know that it's terrific. They all have such unique expressions and habits and characteristics that it really brings them to life vividly. Ruby has her own sass. Arden has his own quite power. Lillith has the contrast of a samurai with a heart. Duffy the lip-pierced lead singer type who has bad judgment. And Leopold, the diligent one who nabbed the gorgeous wife despite his potbelly. Their attire even blends into their personality, and I am starting to think Ruby's feet are enchanted to be immune to pain or deformation. From the alcohol conjuring, to the notebook jotting, to the hand signals and letters in the air - everything had such depth to it and I can see these characters are fleshed out in your mind quite thoroughly.

Prose
Mechanics, Clarity, and Technique

You suck. I hate that you don't edit. So many typos. Be grateful you're good enough to make the rest be great despite you dropping the ball on this and not caring.


Wildcard

Your writing is terrific and so enjoyable. If you just learned to clean up after yourself you'd have a terrific foundation to get a book published. Which I hope you're working on. I'll eventually go over it when you have more done.