I reached out and took her hand gently in mine. I waited for her to look to me. I had waited for - for a century to even see her again, and hadn't even known it would happen. And now, here she was, and - falling for me again. I didn't know who had more trouble forgetting the fact that she had been my wife in a past life - me, or her. I waited for her to stare at me with those eyes, black and bleeding red - those thing rings of golden light trying so hard to revive parts of her she thought long dead and I let out a slow breath.
“Dawn girl.” My name for her came out softly. I was making very sure to use that instead of her real name - I didn't want her to think I was confusing her for my wife. Not here, not now. Despite the similarities - the small, tiny mannerisms, the unspoken knowledges she shouldn't have - she was not my Ri. She was different, her own person. Ri didn't have the same angers inside of her - the need to lash out and push away. Yes, she'd had trouble expressing herself - but Ri had had me by her side for hundreds of years. Dawn - had had no one. And her solitude had made her pricklier than my wife, more afraid and desperate.
“I am, and will be, whatever you ask of me. If you need a hunter, I will be the Huntsman to answer your call. If you need someone to hope for you - I'll be the Fool who walks the path.” I stared at her intently. I knew, that she wasn't free. That she couldn't let herself be free, not yet. But I also knew - that emotions run rampant whether you want to or not. The only time you stopped feeling was when you were a true monster. And as dark as she might be, Dawn was not a true monster. I had slain those before, and the scared, betrayed, broken woman before me did not stand in their ranks.
She bought her knees up to her chest and hugged them. “A part of me wants to become that emotionless monster again. Then it truly would not matter. Nothing would.”
“But it would. Because whether you like to admit it or not, Dawn, there are people who care for you. Not just me. I'm sure you can think of others who would be sad to see you go.” I did not say, did not want to say, how much the thought of her becoming emotionless hurt. She'd always been bright, fiery, full of life. To see that stripped away - it was just wrong.
She was quiet for a long time. I wasn’t sure what was going through her mind. Nor how horribly hurt she had been. “Why do you insist that it’s easier?” I asked.
She looked up at me with sad broken eyes. “I’m tired...of living. Of this dance. I think...I need to reel these emotions in. There is no reason to feel any of them. I’m just...latching onto the first pathetic fool to show me some sort of warmth.”
I reached out and pulled her into my lap, turning her around and nestling her into my arms. Her back was against my chest, and my head rested on top of hers, as my arms curled around her stomach. I held her, quietly, for a long few moments. When I finally spoke, it was slow. I was trying to figure out what to say, what I could say.
“No reason? None at all - no one at all you want to be closer to?” I was quiet. I knew what she was having trouble admitting to. “Dawn. Trust me - I understand pulling your emotions in. Hiding them away, and sheltering yourself. But - but there are times when it is safe to feel. And - I won't ever judge you for them. Even if you're feeling sappy, or angry, or just moody. I'll still come whenever you call, and be here as long as you need me to.”
“that's the problem. There are people I wanna be close to. I can't afford to have those feelings.”
“Because of your Master?” My voice was soft.
“Yes. And…” She fell quiet as her body curled around mine. “You may say you are here, but I can never believe someone will always be there.”
“Then we need to get us both another of these teleport stones. Or ones that don't have the exhaustibility that these ones do. I - don't have a base of operations, really, so I wander. The stones are an excellent way to keep me by your side when you need me.”
She scoffed. Then again, there was that long and painful silence. She was thinking, and I wasn’t sure if it were good or bad thoughts running through that mind of hers. “This place. This should be your place. The room is nicer than most inns; lavish really. This building has cells for beasts and spoils, it is run down but It can be fixed. It can be your home. I’d know where you are. Where to go to.” I was quiet for a long, long moment. It stretched, as I tightened my arms around her. I - I couldn't help the amusement and warmth bubbling up in the back of my throat. She had absolutely no way of knowing that before, it had been Ri who bullied me into actually getting a house. Who had gotten tired of never knowing where to find me except through the Huntsman Corps office. I took in a slow, deep breath, and let it out.
“I'll need your help. I'm terrible about setting up a ho-house. And I'd need to make sure there's a room for you here too.” I didn't say what I wanted to. That the only room she needed was the one I would be in. I don't want to make her feel like I was trying to drag her ever closer to me. Sweet moon. It seemed no matter what life she was living, Amari wanted me to have roots, and a place to return to. Where she knew I would be.
“I don’t need a room, just a bed. If you need I can organise construction workers to fix things. I hold sway in Salvar. I will use that to my advantage. I-”
“It might be better to disassociate this place from you to the public eye, Dawn girl. It would make it harder for the ones in your group who dislike me to track me down, if there's no connection to you that is easily findable. But - I am definitely going to use your advice.”
“I see. Then ensure the kitchen is well equipped. That is my only request. I will only come here when I need to.” I chuckled, and without thinking kissed the back of her neck. She batted me away.
“So. A bed - in my room, if you don't want one to yourself. A well stocked kitchen. I think I can handle those.” It would take some time, I think. But - but a house? “And not quite right, Dawn. I want you to come here whenever you want to and need to get away. If this is my house - it can be a retreat for you.”
“This will be your home, Hunter.” She leaned back against me, nestling deeper into my hold. It didn't seem to be a conscious action on her part, especially with how adamant she was trying to be about avoiding anything too sentimental. Despite that... It - was comforting. I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall. A home, huh? That sounded nice.
-Fin_
