A Throwback to Teenage Yari Rafanas

[Jake Narmolanya]

Jake walked into the bazaar like a real studmuffin of a wrangler, like a Coronian captain who really knew his wines. He adjusted the silk scarf about his neck, sexily. He straightened his demonhide vest and strode about in his matching boots. He did that sexily too.

The half elf had a keen way of picking out the best shops in the whole bazaar. He had a nose for new deals, a beeline for bargains, a strange sight for sales. He had grown up living as a thief in places similar to the Radasanthian shopping district, so he had no qualms about committing a little "robbery" through clever shopping habits.

He found the front he wanted and strode in like he owned the place, not bothering to pause and read the sign. It didn't matter what it said. He knew what was sold there.

"Poisons," he said to the clerk, smoothing his hair sexily. "I'm here to buy potent poisons."

[Amari]

I was an astute businesswoman. Business came first. Pleasure came later, always later - especially when there was gold to be made and foolish people who were all too willing to part from it. At least, that was usually my stance. Not a man, woman or god..living or dead... could ever sway the GREAT Sah'je from her mission.

That was, until he walked into the shop. A golden haired half elf. Oh his hair... his lucious sensual sexy hair. Oh how I wanted to caress the silken tendrils sexily through sexy gloved fingers. Ah...

I bit my lower lip just thinking about the sexy exchange as he sexily approached my counter and with a sexual flourish of his sexy, young, plush lips he whispered six words as though he were talking to me and me alone. Those six glorious words danced upon the breeze and tickled my own pointed ears. Causing them to blush a pale hue of soft pink. Which could be seen, despite my dark complexion.

I cleared my throat and shook the haze from my mind as I sexily pushed the glasses up the bridge of my nose.

"Y-Yes. Of course. Please, tell me what you wish to purchase."

[Jake Narmolanya]

Jake radiated sexiness like a bonfire throwing off heat. He knew he had picked the right store when he saw the way the clerk drank him in. She looked like she had been deprived of pleasure far too long, lost in a dry spell the size of Fallien. Jake was that cooling brook she longed to taste, flowing wild and free and sexy. He gave her a smile that might as well have been an arrow of sexiness straight to the heart, and then leaned forward, sexily.

"I need a poison that will coat my dagger and arrowheads." He said in a conspiratorially sexy voice. "A paralytic that could bring down a yeti from a single cut, or a single... penetration." The sexiness in that line was obvious.

Overhead, the ceiling fan spun in slow, sexy circles. It knew what was going down.

[Philomel]

Hi, are you looking to complete this purchase? Apologies for not getting back to you.

[Jake Narmolanya]

Yes. Sexily.

[Philomel]

Sexily, I vanished, knowing that my partner, who was even sexier than I was, would be better at this transaction.

A tall, elegantly bearded gentleman who was not dissimilar from a sexy devil with a human complexion, appeared in my place. He leaned over to me, hips swaying out and then forth and nodded, sexily.

He spoke in a deep, sexy voice.

"Things are heating up," he said, opening a palm. Small sexy flames leapt up and licked the air. "A poison eh? And how many doses of this poison would you be looking for?"

[Jake Narmolanya]

The tension was so thick, you could have cut it with a sexy knife. Jake was a demon hunter of some repute, after all, and the sexy gentleman before him was clearly of demonic descent.

Jake reached sexily into his pocket, but before he could pull out whatever weapon he would choose to wield, the back wall of the store fell away with a whoosh of displaced air. The audience seated on the raked floor behind the false wall set to applauding vigorously.

"What the..." Jake gasped.

Suddenly a conga line of svelte young men burst in from stage right, all sexily naked of course, and a bevy of beautiful women danced the can-can in from the stage left wings, equally as sexily and even more naked.

"Surprise!" The sexy demonic shopkeep exclaimed, pulling a golden magic microphone from behind the counter. "You're on Althanas' Sexiest Singles! If you're as sexy as you think, you won't have any trouble singing a song to serenade and seduce this audience."

"I've got nothing to prove," Jake snorted, "why would I sing for you?"

"Because if you do, you'll receive your poisons FREE OF CHARGE!" The sexy salesman replied. "All I need to know is... how many doses do you need?" He reached out, offering the golden microphone.

Jake hesitated, but then music from the sexy string orchestra in the pit swelled and he seized the mic and struck a pose.

"I need 69!" he sang, "doses of potent poison that is," he drawled, strutting down to the front of the stage and dangling a lithe leg in front of the screaming crowd. He accidentally kicked a violinist in the eye, but the chap had taken some powerful painkillers to numb his fingers for the show and so he barely felt the boot crash into his face.

"But I suppose I can settled for three, or ten," Jake sang sexily, "I only intend to use it on a demon now and then!"

The conga line and the can-can kickers collided behind Jake sexy harmony, and they formed themselves into a single human pyramid of supple flesh. Jake turned and climbed the pyramid slowly, sexily, while continuing to sing in his fine tenor.

"I'm a demon hunter by trade you see, slaying the wicked promotes the free.
But I find myself distracted quite sexily...
By the people in this audience, they're all like a dream!"

Flowers, undergarments, and addresses hastily scrawled on bits of parchment hailed down on the stage as Jake took his bow. The sexy shopkeeper stepped forward and took the magic microphone back, smiling at the crowd.

"Well," he said, "that was pretty amazing. But as per the rules of Althanas' Sexiest Singles, the stuff covering the stage must pile up at least as high as my knees, and it's barely reached my ankles. Therefore, you will have to pay for your poisons. How many doses did you say?"

Jake sighed and pulled out a coin pouch. He'd tried his best. "Just three please."

[Philomel]

"Well your singing was quite marvellous," the sharply bearded and sexy gentleman said. Poof! A top hat appeared on his head so he could doff it. "And sexy."

He straightened again to his full height, which was very tall. Especially with the top hat. He grinned, showing some long, white teeth.

"And I am most definitely not a demon," he said, smoothing his hair to hide his tiny horn and tucking his tail away behind his legs. "Most definitely not devilish."

He lifted up his slender sexy fingers. "Three lots, eh? Well if that song was anything to go by, you definitely deserve sixty nine, I mean three, potions. Unfortunately, you will need to pay."

"Shall we say," he said sexily, "1350 gold?"