March Vignette Judgment

Prompt: Your character is faced with one of their biggest pet peeves. What is the pet peeve and how do they deal with it. You could look at how your character got the pet peeve in the first place and/or the situation they are faced with, how it happened.

Black Shadow: You used the topic well by building a story around your character's pet peeve, although it didn't become completely clear what that pet peeve was until the very end (at first I thought it might be torture, which seemed an odd choice). This could have been improved upon by either introducing the pet peeve earlier or else saving it for the end, almost like a punch line. The story itself provided some insight into the type of person Black Shadow is, but details were few and it felt rather bland overall. A lot more creativity and outside-the-box thinking would have made for a more interesting read. Your mechanics were not bad, however there were several instances of awkward phrasings and redundant information. This is where giving your work an extra read-through can really boost you up to the next level. Your vignette was an appropriate length and while the brevity is appreciated, it did feel like you sacrificed a lot of creativity in favor of brevity, so a healthier balance of the two could have helped.

Yvonne: You employed a very strong use of the topic, although it would have benefited the piece overall if the pet peeve had been introduced a little earlier and harped on a little less. As it was, the build up lasted too long and the payoff felt like too little. You displayed a lot of creativity (or possibly research, which is fair game) with all of the dwarf jokes, and provided enough detail that I felt like I got to witness a little slice of Yvonne's life. Your mechanics were clean as far as I noticed, although I might suggest double spacing every paragraph including new dialogue lines, it tends to flow a bit better the way it looks on here. But, since you kept your paragraphs reasonably short anyways, it didn't really become an issue. I enjoyed reading your entry and feel like if it had contained a few less jokes and a sharper ending, it would have been a truly excellent vignette.

1st Place: Yvonne
2nd Place: Black Shadow

Yvonne receives 200 EXP, 200 GP, and 1 AP.

Black Shadow receives 560 EXP, 150 GP, and 1 AP.

Congratulations!

(Rewards to be added soon).