Osiris Open 2017 Round 2:
Revenant Vs Warpth: Raganrok

Combat:

Revenant: 21/30

Strategy:
Heading into the arena straight in Revanant's war form certain helps. It gives a good example of using your best strengths to your advantage. He takes time to ask the name of his enemy, and reacts well when the first hit comes. There is cleverness in his brain, and this showed in the tactical comments you have William make about the raw strength and energy of Flint. The only real criticism is that it did not have as much of an impact as Warpath's writing in this particular section.

Resourcefulness:
I did not see much resource using in combat itself, unlike Flint falling from the airship, though William does take in clear consideration of the structure of Ragnarok and how that can be used to his advantage. This definitely here could be a hint of what would lead into a very powerful thread, wherein setting would be used brilliantly by your writing.

Execution:
With the focus on fire you have comments such as about William's aura, and how that would effect others. You have a calm consideration of Flint and assessment of the situation – before the fight truly begins which is a wise move on your character's part. Flint's actions speak of his personality a little more rawly though, and I felt you could do some things to reflect the war-like prowess of William, but perhaps this would have been seen later on in the thread.

Warpath: 22/30

Strategy:
You begun the story beautifully, with the vision of Flint and Aetena showing what was to happen. It gave him a form of reason join the battle, because he is quite literally told it will occur. From this he goes to the battlefield (post 5) and throws himself right at William. It shows a brutish manner of simple 'charge in and get it done' which can work, and gave focus. The questions also that make up part of post 5 from Flint about what William is shows strategy on Flint's own side. For what it was, it was good, it was only a shame there was not time to finish.

Resourcefulness:
There was a great set of scenes of Flint falling dramatically into the battle field, and then getting up. This really was your moment of resourcefulness for this battle, in getting out of the airship. For your character it fits well. You also have Flint using Atena's ability to some extent in knowing what William was going to be like, although more details of this perhaps could have been added slightly, as you have an excellent opportunity there with her.

Execution:
With your character's primary abilities focused on raw strength, endurance and general survivability, you show a good natural way of fighting and reacting, by simply having him running in that makes entire sense. With the inability to make much comment on the exchange of blows there is not much this judge can say in terms of the battle overall, but you did have Flint react to William's first cries and questions. In terms of execution this marks it out as a powerful start.

Character:

Revenant: 22/30

Communication:
Though there is very little communication from William directly you make a point of this in post 4 with: “dry and raspy as it was with disuse”. When William does speak it is to the point and focused, with only a few words. This seems to suit his personality well. It would have been good perhaps to see some internal monologue, or thought which can be seen more with Flint's own questioning, that may have given more picture to William, but this is something that has a great foundation.

Action:
There is confidence in the way that William moves, with his “march” towards Flint on them meeting at the battlefield. You have some good basic actions, but tend to focus a lot more on persona than anything in terms of character. Some things could be described as action, such as William's look at various items, but overall there is the feeling that there was something missing in this thread. Even though it picks up in post 6, with the eerie smile at the start, and you have some good focused actions, and we did not see the rest of the thread this reader did feel that more direct actions could have helped.

Persona:
In post 4 you remark, “his destructive enlightenment had shown William a dozen ways he could exploit the structure's minute flaws,” which shows to the reader not only William's power but also his intelligence. It shows part of his personality and his way of thinking, done with strong language use. This is one example of excellent persona use, for which you have a great skill, and though it would have been good to see more of a balance with communication with action this is very much one of your strongest abilities.

Warpath: 23

Communication:
The communication given in this, though un-ended battle, was constant in tone and in presence in terms of a character, with moments of silence and wise words. With communication you develop the relationship between Artena and Flint well, showing what the dynamics of it are. Overall there is not enough communication in this thread to truly be able to see the extent of true skill, but what you give is raw. Subtler communication techniques such as shrugs and so on are also ones to consider besides silences, going on from this.

Action:
There is a genuine remark of the power and confidence that Flint has, when he falls from the airship and gets up again in a “simple” movement in post 3 that shows off your character's personality well. This is continued with mentions of “glances” over his body (post 5) that your character does, which shows the effect of more subtle actions and what use they can be. This confidence is shown further in running at William directly, and although it would have been good to see your actions written with stronger technique, they certainly made an impact.

Persona:
Directly from the start of the thread you have the reader be introduced to the inner workings of Flint. Him as a person, with his thought processes and an indication of what is important to him is done very well and introduces him wonderfully into the thread. There is a excellent continuation of this also, as there are open questions with: “Did it have bones? Could he break them?” that Flint asks the general audience, or himself. There is view of a kind, gentle, father-like figure, but also a warrior. In two small threads you deftly construct a very good persona.

Prose:

Revenant: 23

Mechanics:
Mechanics is strong and with no noticeable spelling mistakes. There were lots of correct use of comma and periods. One thing that might be good to look at from here is going into the use of more prolific punctuation (elipses etc) but what you had was technically correct and well-structured.

Clarity:
Affecting Clarity to some extent, I would have liked to see William's war form described a little more than just “charred”. Though it was a passing comment, it was rather unclear as to how it was different from his 'normal' body. This is not an issue, however, when it gets to the main body of text and the understanding of the action sequences and the general plot. You write in a smooth, harmonious manner that gives no need for confusion.

Technique:
Technique is one of your greatets assets. You open well, with a powerful, impactful first post, ending with, “Ragnarok had called, and William had answered.” This has real strength within it and displays a good hold on the introductory side of the battle, which is always very important in making a first good impression. Although, as a general note, it would have been good to see more linguistic techniques (similie, alliteration etc) you have a powerful word choice and structure to bring your scenery to life (see setting). One focus to see good examples of this is post 4, where I was impressed by your use of phrases such as, “rippling of corded muscle.”

Warpath: 21

Mechanics:
Very similarly to Revanant, there were no major, recognisable issues with spelling or sentence structure. Paragraphing was gone correctly, with only a couple of places that could have had commas in, but it was not necessary. Use was made of hyphenation (post 5) which was strong, and more of this type of technique will only make your writing stronger.

Clarity:
There are some clarity issues in your first post, in moving from the scene back in time to the “current”. At the start it is clear but when you have Flint come to Ragnarok itself. It is punctuated by “Flint opened his eyes” (post 1) however the tenses are the same, (past perfect) for both. Aside from this your writing goes on to continue with a well written, understandable plot and pace.

Technique:
Technique was done well overall, although did feel a little lacking in places. In post one you write, “... toward the thing” where a better word could have been chosen for “thing”. That being said it is proceeded by a glorious description of, “Despite the unimaginable eons through which it had endured, the heat and wind and sand had not diminished the edifice,” using an excellent example of run on sentence to illustrate Ragnarok well. You have a good sense of imagery, with a continuation of fire-like words (“inferno” etc) for talking about William that is continued through the thread. Overall there was chance to make use of other techniques such as simile and metaphor, but in the short space of time you made good use of this section.


Wildcard:

Revenant: 7

Warpath: 6

In terms of setting the scene, Revanant you won there. The setting was described so beautifully (see technique) that I felt there definitely was scope to add extra points. Use of the intial description given, and then expanding upon it worked very well for you.

For sheer base story telling, Warpath you did remarkably well here. I was very impressed how you wove together a really impactful introduction even in just the two posts that you had, and really would like to know more of what happens.

Final Comment:
This was a very hard battle to find a winner for, you both wrote so well here. Genuinely I struggled in comments, in overall sheer genius of some of the writing here. Thank you for a really good read!

Final Score:

Revenant: 73

Warpath: 72

Revenant wins and goes through to Round 3.

Rewards:

As per with the rules of the Osiris Open, all rewards are based on a score of 65.

Revanant receives:
600 EXP
40 GP

Warpath receives:
315 EXP
30 GP

Warpath forfeits his GP win as per rules of the Osiris Open.