Judgment: Team Four
Hey hey! So I will be doing a condensed version of the rubric for the tournament. I will still be adding commentary to the sections, so you may see random comments as I notate and read through things. If you have questions or concerns please feel free to reach out to me to discuss. I wish you all the best!
Plot
(Story, Setting, Pace) 19
All: there was a huge lack of setting in the beginning. And it continued throughout really… Post 11 Azza mentioned traveling through dunes of ash and glass, but there was no context of what that meant or where anyone was.
Christoph: I really LOVE the mapping of the constellations and the names for them because it made it feel real (post 9).
I thought that your overall story was great. I think that there could have been more to justify Flame, as her opening didn’t really give me a clear indication of why she was joining. Otherwise, the plot was great. As the story continued I felt like Flame and Rhet were both side characters, which missed the mark for me. The pacing was great, the story was missing, and the setting was nonexistent.
Character
(Communication, Action, Persona) 25
Overall: The communication was great, in a book way. It felt hard to differentiate between the characters, and you all wrote dialogue together which made it flow better, but also made it harder to actually judge.
Christoph: I’m putting out here that the opening dialogue between you and Azza in her first post is the most genuine and engaging I’ve read on the site ever. (Post 2).
Orphans: I love your character, from dialogue to subtle interactions. I felt like while I was reading I could picture Azza easily the whole time as a true character, not just a person talking. I actually laughed out loud at your interaction with Christoph in your first post. I LOVE Azza’s character and the internal dialogue and passive interactions… so good!
Post 15 felt like too much dialogue and not enough character with her, like a filler and it took away from Azza
Rehtul: I love how you approached the opening to the story, it felt very character driven and true to the character as well. Your writing focuses a little too much on the dialogue between characters and there is a missing element of physical reactions and setting along with it at times. Otherwise, It’s on point for the character.
Firebird: I have to give you props for dialect based dialogue that was well written. Aside from that, you wrote pretty well. Post 17 felt like you were a side character, which is not against you as much as it is on the team not incorporating you into the story well.
Prose
(Mechanics, Clarity, Technique) 25
All: I have nothing really overall to critique, so I will just observe individual thing
Christoph: Your opening writing style was very staccato and was hard to follow. While engaging, and interesting, it made it hard to figure out what was happening, and it ended up being a dream that, while a good opening, was confusing at first.
“gate’s power buzzed like a beehive in his skull” - Such a great line!
Rehtul: Your posts are very heavy with dialogue, which without any prose or narrative leaves the reader just going back and forth between people talking.
Flamebird: Your pacing and writing style for the demon attack in Post 21 was phenomenal.
Wild Card
0
Every post after the 10th post doesn’t count, as it was after midnight on 12/29. So I will be giving you all exp and a reward for joining, but it depends on how the tournament goes if you will advance. This is due to 16/24 posts being past the deadline (only 8 happened before the midnight cutoff).
- Interact with at least one faction, either as an ally or enemy - or create your own and that faction must interact with the others somehow - Kinda
- Overcome one “political” obstacle - Kinda
- Due to the hurried nature of everyone scrambling to get to the new discovery, your characters are not fully stocked/prepared in some way - I saw mention of it, but it didn’t really impact the story that much
Score: 69
Christoph: 1740 exp | 200 gp
Azza: 1410 exp | 200 gp
Rhetul: 1325 exp | 200 gp
Flamebird: 1655 exp | 200 gp
