I don't really have enough to work with for a full on Judgment, but I'll post some notes as I can see them.

Due to the nature of this thread/post, there is almost no setting. Honestly I couldn't tell where you character was in relation to anywhere else on the map. That isn't necessarily to say it was needed, but as she created her chrysalis of ice, maybe adding some notes about her surroundings would have helped.

You described how Crystal's inner voices behaved, but didn't particularly show it. You could have gotten some extra mileage out of flashing back to times when they were emblematic of those traits you said they had. As it is, they are "asleep" and don't do much to add to the story itself.

Going back to that, you described the Fae she tethered to her soul. You wouldn't know from reading this thread that sealing them within herself caused physical mutations that caused her to look more monstrous than Fae-like.

As it stands, that's about the most advice I can give you off the top of my head.

70/100

You are awarded 300 XP and 100 GP