Via Dolorosa

[Yari Rafanas]

Via Dolorosa

Wynken and Les Misérables

Story: 7
Fantastic intro from Wynken. It's rare for me to see an intro post that does not star the player character and this hooked me right away.

Halfway through, though I was enjoying the read, I couldn't help but feel I was reading what amounted to a side quest, an unimportant blurb and chance for Wynken to make money. Finally though, it started to get good when I recognized the antagonist and mystery drow, Kron, come into play.

Overall, what was crafted was an excellent short story that tied everything together rather well. It took a while getting there, but I was happy I paid enough attention to watch all the pieces fit in the end. I mention it a bit later with some of the minor characters, but I felt a little bored in the rising action. It was written well and very detailed, but if I had a taste of a little bit more action in the earlier parts I think it would have added to the momentum of the thread.

Continuity: 8
I think you both did an excellent job of representing the docks of the city while constantly reminding the reader of the location of several landmarks throughout the thread. I gave bonus points here as Phyr's knowledge of Althanas lore really injected a sense of the world into the story, reminding me of life outside of Corone, the current political climate, and major past events tied into minor characters (Ocean's nod to the Bazaar Wars) and not just the player character reciting something he heard in the Flying Stone.

Setting: 9
I don't know how you do it but it seems these walls of text you write always seem to excel at bringing the locales to life, Mr. Misérables. I was also pleasantly surprised to see this level of attention from Wynken as well, as this is the first I've read from him. Great work here. Seriously, though, you mentioned the fish smell way too much. Give me bird droppings or something else to take my mind off of it. Every time I read about the smell (I don't want to go back and count, maybe it's less than I'm remembering) I had to kinda pause and think of something else. Once or twice is enough, not every post near the water, though.

Creativity: 7
I really enjoy catching your metaphors and interesting descriptions, Misérables. I would score this category higher for both of you if it was really, really creative in terms of what actually happened. Despite being written really well, if you take a step back from it, you guys just created a complicated thread involving a half a dozen people, Snatch-style, fussing over a bunch of boxes.

Character: 7
Phyr's descriptions and reactions to the docks were fantastic. The trail of cats and their curiosity was an excellent detail and the type of cleverness I like to see in your posts. Only two threads with reading about this guy and I am hooked on him as a character.

Wynken, I think you suffered here a little. It took the whole thread for me to grasp what Wynken was about—he's an opportunistic duelist. I like it! However, the pacing and the introduction of his character made him seem more like he was trying to get down to the bottom of something to set a couple low life's straight. So overall I have some mixed feelings about him, but want to learn more.

The double pair of mercs and their characterization was classic, but I felt that pursuing them took a bit longer than I would have liked. There were a few posts here from Wynken that, while excellently written, almost bored me as it felt like nothing substantial happened. However, at the end, I found myself feeling kinda bad for Snitch, and I can't remember the last time I cared about an NPC.

Despite excellent NPC work, I can't score it higher without seeing these characters grow. I get that both are low level so nothing life-changing is going to happen to them for a while, by Althanas standards, so save it for a good thread. Wow me then.

Interaction: 7

Strategy: 8.5
Heres where things are most interesting to me. This thread was obviously started over a solo, slowly developing over a couple months and growing into its own with Wynken at the helm. It seemed that partway through the alliance was formed between you two to craft something out of essentially a stale solo jaunt. This is awesome to me! This, coupled with well-timed switches between authors and the methodical approach each character took showed me that this thread was discussed and planned well.

Clarity: 7
Despite beautiful descriptions, I think you both should take a step back on occasion and ask yourself, is this paragraph a little meatier than it should be? Do I have too many details? You guys are both great, but I hate going back through a paragraph feeling like I missed something and realizing I read some over-complicated metaphor wrong and it has to settle before I continue. Good job on keeping so many characters in line and on the right track. I was able to follow all that pretty easily, it was mostly just the little things.

Mechanics: 9

Wildcard: 7

Total: 76.5

EXP
Wynken gains 1150 exp.
Les Misérables gains 1360 exp and loses 50 gold paying Stitch and Snitch

Loot!
Wynken is forced to relinquish some of his weapons to the elves accompanying Kron, and chooses to part with the Snitch's plynt daggers. However, he keeps the enchanted damascus dagger. The expanding ability can last a few posts or until Wynken loses concentration.

Phyr keeps the pepper spraying wrist band, 4 shots remaining.

[Breaker]

EXP / GP updated. Phyr and Wynken both reach level 1!