...In which a delivery is made, and our hero is inconvenienced

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

I came to sprawled on the floor of the kitchen. My head ached so fucking much. My vision was still blurry. I did a quick check to make sure all my mental faculties were there, and did a quick check of my legs, arms, head, fingers, toes, and such to verify that I had survived the ordeal in one piece.

I heard some banging around in the other room. Slowly but steadily, I rose to my feet. I felt... heavier. I was having trouble moving. With my first step, I nearly tumbled to the dusty floorboards below. Eventually, I shuffled my way into Zenotti's living room to find his corpse floating in a circle of blue light. Maladim Karunungan stood in the middle of the room, curtains still drawn, candles still lit, putting his gloves back onto his hands. With my left arm, I steadied myself against the door frame.

"Ah," the demon said with a smile, "You've come to. It's only been minutes; a lot faster than most people. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," I squeaked out.

"That's common for most people. I would recommend a solid week of bed rest; your brain will be trying to process and understand all the changes it has gone through in the past ten minutes or so. Don't concern yourself with Zenotti's murder; I've seen to it that you won't be implicated in it--in fact, nobody here in this little town in the middle of nowhere will ever notice he's gone." Maladim chuckled for a brief second.

"Zenotti's... murder? I... can't... don't remember..."

"Good, then you're all set. Our deal is complete." The demon turned towards Zenotti, floating in the air, but suddenly stopped. "Except..."

"Except...?"

"There is still a matter of payment for me removing all those nightmares and bad memories of yours..."

In an inhuman flash of black and white, the demon closed the gap between us and grabbed my right arm tightly. Before I had any time to react, with his free hand he grabbed my bicep tightly and tore my arm clean off my body.

I have never felt so much pain before in my entire life. Dismemberment is one thing to deal with in the Citadel; in reality, the horror of seeing your arm come clean off in one tug is far, far worse. I'm not sure how to describe it without abusing every swear word known to man, elf, dwarf, orc, goblin, or god. I fell to the floor screaming, hot tears burning in my eyes. With my free (remaining) hand, I pressed my shirt sleeve down hard on it to try and stop the blood from pouring out in buckets. The thick, warm liquid quickly saturated the black cloth of my blouse top.

As casually as you would say hello, Maladim said, "Knowledge for knowledge, trauma for trauma. It's only fair." He moved back towards the floating corpse and orb of blue light before he realized that my severed arm still was attached by the quarter-inch-thick length of delyn cable that I kept wrapped around my arms for.... for what? I couldn't remember. I was drawing a blank.

"Oh, hold on a second," the demon said before wrapping his hand around the dangling length. There was a blue glow coming from his glove, and the cable melted, completely freeing my arm from my body for good. As he stepped into the blue ball of light, he waved my arm at me, taunting me. "Think of it this way, Ms. Freebird: Now you can put that new knowledge of yours to good use by building yourself a new limb!"

And with a laugh, he flashed himself out of existence, leaving me in the middle of Zenotti's living room a screaming, crying, bloody mess.

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

Spoils requested:

In the spirit of the thread, I wish to nuke some of Madison's abilities in exchange for the acquisition of a few.

In addition to losing her right arm, here's what I wish to get rid of as titled in her character sheet:

• Dual-wielding knives
• "Shhhh!"
• Mental Disruption
• The wire (she will no longer be able to telekinetically control her delyn cable)

Here's what I wish to replace them with instead:

Artificing: Madison has an advanced knowledge of the creation of steam-based technologies and humanoid constructs. She has an highly advanced knowledge of steam-based weapons systems, and a basic but working knowledge of Aleraran aviation technology. At this point, the strongest materials she is able to work with are delyn for metals, trakym for wood, drakescale hides, and golem carapaces.

Humanoid constructs themselves will operate with 1.5x human speed and strength, 3x human endurance, and the intelligence of an average 18-year-old human. She can build them to each carry two weapons systems; one ranged and one melee. Constructs will make noise due to the steam-based operating systems, which are unable to be silenced. The constructs will be autonomous thanks to an alchemic rune emblazoned in their innards, located near the base of their "spine". Should the rune be destroyed, the construct will cease to operate. Constructs will not be able to fight for Madison in the Citadel or in tournaments.

Aleraran Alchemy: Madison has advanced knowledge in chemistry, physics, and biology, and an above average understanding of astronomy. Using this knowledge, she is able to create potions, poisons, explosives, and fluids required to operate her artifacts and constructs. Her knowledge of runic alchemy extends to granting "life" to her machines. She is able to adjust the runes she creates to alter the "personality" of her constructs, but she must remove the original rune before replacing it with a new one. The rune rewrite process takes several minutes.

Fungus Among Us: Madison has taken in interest in the biology of fungi, and has discovered a way to weaponize deadly spores that spread, grow, and destroy the victim's tissue at a slow but noticeable rate. If left untreated through basic healing magic or medicine for longer than four days, the victim will die.

If there are any changes that need to be made, I'm open for anything, really.

[Mordelain]

Thread Title: …In Which a Delivery Is Made, and Our Hero Is Inconvenienced
Judgement Type: Basic
Participants: BlackandBlueEyes

Story - 24/30

Strength: Effluent use of previous history, present direction, and narrative hook. Character development augmented the sense of development between demon and demon (one is Madison), and gave you an interesting, devour in one sitting premise.

Weakness: The other side of a deep background and history is that people unfamiliar with the events you describe may not appreciate their importance. Perhaps a little more exposition, or at the very list, a quote with background reading (suggested, of course), might aid in not undermining what remains a solid story.

Character - 23/30

Strength: Madison and the NPCs jump off the screen. You know her, as though she were part of you, and I can find little fault in the thread for this category. Outstanding dialogue, excellent wit, and a perfect exchange between hero (however unlikely), and villain (however dastardly.)

Weakness: The importance of Madison’s sacrifice (which, let face it, is an arm…a big deal), did not come across in how she reacted. It seemed like she, though emotionally stunted by her…madness. Was not very bothered. Heavy use of nomenclature and mumbo jumbo left me assuming a lot.

Writing - 26/30

Strength: First person narrative and internal voice are, and have always been, where you work best. I believe I was wrong in a previous rubric in suggesting you should change that. In that time, you have nailed the perfection nail into the style, and mastered the techniques required to deliver it effectively. Very few mechanical arrows (though naturally usual proof reading and sentence structure issues arise as in every thread), and a strong, solid pacing wowed.

Weakness: Tarnished by clumsy mistakes and I know you are better than that. One post simply stops seemingly halfway through (post 10), and there is a handful, only a handful mind, of moments where proof reading slipped. Technique was flawless, and I struggle to find fault beyond mechanics. In essence, little to fault, so less a weakness, more a rap on the knuckles to take care with the rudimental!

Wildcard - 7/10: One of, if not the best piece of writing from you. Lavish, involving, and detailed, the exchange between Maladim is commendable, and the way Madison bludgeons her way through life is endearing, exciting, and in a sort-of-strange way, intoxicating.

Total: 80/100

BlackandBlueEyes receives 1650 experience and 300 gold.

Thread nominated for Judge's Choice.

[Mordelain]

Experience and gold added.

Thread will be archived pending Judge's Choice decision.

[Mordelain]

Congratulations!

This thread was nominated, and voted into the Judge's Choice Hall of Fame.