The Gripe Thread [Rated Aure]

[Eteri]

FEnn Rayleigh is right, that is absolutely abuse, and I feel a form of emotional manipulation. Your mum may not realise she is doing it, which makes things compicated, especialyl if you are like me and avoid confrontation; but if she is aware of what she is doing; that is not on and I'd agree, I'd attempt to distance myself just a little bit come college.

IF you can somehow, someway get into a travel abroad program and come here, I'd totally board you for free, and on days I am nto working help you get to and from college and and all the things.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Oh Fenn. This is heartbreaking to read. As a teacher, I absolutely see this as a form of abuse. I have seen how this can affect young people, so never doubt your own feelings regarding it. I only wish I had words of wisdom for you. I know this is drastic, but have you considered to what extent you'll be able to distance yourself come college? It is more difficult when your mom has a hand in paying for your classes. But if you were to get a job, apply for scholarships, do what you can to be financially independent, that would be easier. And believe me, when you're in college, surrounded by new friends you make, it will be easier.

<3

This, 100%.

I'm not saying leave home, but I know my fractious relationship with my dad and stepmum improved three million percent after I got my own space and independance.

[Breaker]

*patpats the Wenn*

I'm really sorry to hear that Fenn - hope you wake up today feeling somewhat better. To be honest this reminds me a bit of the relationship I had with my mom at your age. I used to feel the exact same way about pictures, and like I wasn't a person so much as a pawn. There was one occasion where she made me drive four hours (despite the fact I hadn't slept in the past 48) to her sister's second wedding, all because she wanted to ride in her then-boyfriend's car.

I think a lot of people grow up feeling like their parents are in some way perfect; they're our main models for what an adult should be, after all. Like you, I grew up in a middle class family, and felt like I "couldn't be abused" even though my parents did hit me. I never suffered any prolonged beatings or serious injuries as a result, so I chalked that up as "normal" and figured it was just part of being a kid.

You're coming into the age now where you'll start to notice your parents' mistakes more and more. You'll question behaviors that previously seemed normal and appropriate, you may challenge things that you've always accepted in the past, and you'll almost certainly feel some anger for the emotional abuse you've suffered. These feelings are normal and natural, and you should give them all the time and respect they require, but no more than that. Try to let them go once you've identified and made peace with them. If you hold onto them, you may never get the closure you want, because parents can be pretty horrible at admitting their faults.

Just like your mom can't tell the difference between you making a mistake and you being disobedient, it's entirely possible that you can't tell the difference between her making a mistake and being intentionally cold/cruel. It sounds like she's stuck in some (admittedly questionable) parenting habits that may have been effective when you were younger, but will need to be adjusted now that you're growing up, if she wants to have a good adult relationship with you. And I'm sure she does, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, this stage in your life is probably going to continue to present conflict, but it won't last forever. At some point (I hope) your mom will realize that there's nothing to be gained through trying to control every little aspect of your life. At some point, she'll accept you for the beautiful and talented young adult you are. At some point, she'll be happy just to get a call from you, or a short visit, or a picture. And when you get to that point, it's a lot better to be open and accepting than it is to be bitter or angry. [/waxing philosophical]

I really hope everything works out for you to go off to college, and that that space and freedom brings you all the happiness you deserve. For now, I hope you have an enjoyable day with your family. We the people of Althanas are here for you.

[FennWenn]

Aww, thanks guys. Doing a bit better today; having guests over tends to make Mom more composed.

I don't think she knows what she's doing, or means to hurt me. But yeah, I think some space at least for a bit would be a good idea, since I don't think trying to talk to her about it would go over well. Completely cutting myself off won't work for a good long while, since I'm still financially dependent at the moment. I guess all there is to do at the moment is wait it all out until I get to that point. Still kind of tired.

If I do find any Australian travel programs, I'll take you up on that Mari. <3

[Cards of Fate]

The assured solition is to come to college in Texas. Texas is one of the best states in terms of growing economies and excellent schools for a myriad of degrees.

You get hella distance, a lower cost of living than most northern states, good food AND Red and I are both in this general area.

Just sayin.

[Rayleigh]

Don't listen to Fred. Michigan is lovely, and I have a guest room with your name all over it.

[Venex Apara]

You guys keep misspelling Wisconsin.

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

you guys keep misspelling upstate new york.

ftfy

[FennWenn]

Aww, you guys are the best. Don't think I'd be allowed out of state for college, heh. I am going to need to take a road trip to visit erryone someday, ;P

*Hugs!*

[Venex Apara]

That's going to be a long ass road trip.