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Thread: Can I have 170 Words of Your Time?

  1. 01-08-17, 09:06 AM #1
    Gum
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    Can I have 170 Words of Your Time?

    I posted a micro-story over in the Nexus and wanted to ask for some feedback? Thanks in advance.

    >HERE<
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  2. 01-08-17, 12:17 PM #2
    redford
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    BRUH.

    This was great. It's difficult to draw genuine emotion from me at times but you did it. The story is exceptional, it's imagery sublime, just vague enough to hint at the readers own experiences though, to allow them to insert their own past and make the story their own. Great work

    You misspelled a word tho. Plumbs is supposed to be plums, if you speak of the fruit that is.
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  3. 01-08-17, 12:40 PM #3
    Gum
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    Wow, thanks man--I really appreciate the kind words.

    You misspelled a word tho. Plumbs is supposed to be plums, if you speak of the fruit that is.
    Oh man *blush*

    Last edited by Three; Today at 01:38 PM.
    Fixed!
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  4. 01-08-17, 12:56 PM #4
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
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    For 170 words, that was awesome and very poignant.

    I know we couldn't do an official judgment on it with it being so small but i'm going to award you 2 AP for this anyway. Well done man.

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  5. 01-08-17, 05:25 PM #5
    Gum
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    Shin, thank you dude ;D
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  6. 01-08-17, 07:53 PM #6
    Storm Veritas
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    Thank you for sharing this, it was genuine, thoughtful, and poignant.

    There were a couple of tiny mistakes that quickly be edited.
    - "grown" at the far end of the back garden
    - "tender" was her life lived (it's still used as an adjective in the second clause, so keep the adjective form)
    - Are you sure you don't mean "it's today's seedlings, not tomorrow's daffodils, that kept him preoccupied"? It would agree with the premise that he enjoys life for the journey and not the destination.

    Again, I really enjoyed reading this and thank you for sharing something so touching. Many of us (myself included) have lost loved ones that faded near their end with dementia or Alzheimer's and this sentiment really hits close to home. Well done.
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  7. 01-08-17, 08:11 PM #7
    Gum
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    Storm, thanks so much for pointing out the errors. That's exactly what I was hoping for, because I pull a lot of gymnastics out of my ass and I need to learn what works and what doesn't. And the praise, man, thank you so much.

    Just want to say that I'm genuinely sorry to hear your family went through something similar.
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  8. 01-10-17, 04:03 PM #8
    Hysteria
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    Holy shot dude. I'm glad I'm wearing sunnies on the tram because im tearing up. One of my grandma's had dementia and that really struck me. Really well done!
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  9. 01-10-17, 07:47 PM #9
    Gum
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    Thank you so much, Hysteria! I'm really sorry to hear about your grandma.
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