Round 2: Misery Business Vs My Little Homicidal Maniacs

[Zack Blaze]

Can’t say the chick’s not graceful. Oh well, let’s rock!

Zack watched with mouth agape as Madison bounded over his double flame shot, the fires finding their way into a wall before scattering to the winds, a trail of melted floor in the wake of the attack. The boy’s eyes widened when he saw the girl reel back for a punch, the street fighter attempting to quickly raise up his own dukes in defense.

He failed.

The blow made a sickening crunch, the digits of Madison making a very noticeable imprint upon the peach-scented youth’s face. Zack grabbed his nose, screaming at the top of his lungs as he crumpled to the ground in pain. A stream of blood began to pour down his nose, his rolling on the floor causing the crimson liquid to splatter onto his emerald colored jacket. Madison stood there, her hand still made into a fist where Zack’s face used to be. He could feel her eyes upon him, probably seeing the tears streaming down the fighter’s face at this point.

“Uh…” Madison’s arm dropped, along with her guard, “Are you ok?”

Those words were all Zack needed. Without a second to spare, the boy bounded to his feet, a recovery medical experts would have deemed miraculous and actors would have deemed amateurish. His feet were planted firmly on the ground, his body in as crouched a position as he could manage. With all of his strength backed into it, Zack brought his right hand up into the air, landing firmly on Madison’s chin and sending the girl flying upwards, through wood and roof alike to the outside of the hotel. This was Zack Blaze’s new secret technique, one he had been saving in case he had engaged Aurie in combat; the Scene-Stealing Uppercut.

Now that Zack could clearly see the outside of the mansion thanks to the Freebird-shaped hole in the ceiling, the boy reached into his pockets. Zack pulled out a small, rune-ingrained power stone and smiled, his form vanishing from within the confines of the establishment to the rooftop. His green eyes quickly searched amongst the black shingles of the house top to find Madison already lying upon the ebony squares. Zack whistled casually, stuffing both the Teleportation Stone and his hands firmly into his pockets. He could feel the warm sun rays upon his features now, the youth shielding his eyes from the brightness of the daytime.

“Toasty,” Zack walked over towards the seemingly unconscious Madison with a big grin plastered on his features. Around the girl’s body were fragmented clay shingles, splintered wood that resembled spikes, and for some reason, a mechanical cog with the word ‘guilty’ written upon it. Zack raised his eyebrows, kneeling down to further investigate the bronzed item, his knees bending at Madison’s side as he looked on with a piqued curiosity.

“Are you frightened?” Zack mocked the librarian, “Guess that’s what you get for taking on an Adventurer’s Crown Finalist. Maybe when you wake up, you’ll consider joining Misery Business…”

((Bunnying approved by BaBE))

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

Bunnies approved by Zack.

As soon as my face connected with the peachy boy's uppercut, I knew that I had made a serious mistake.

After my thunderous punch had connected with Zack Blaze's milky-white jaw and sent him flying down the decadent and decorated hallway, I had let my guard down. Stupid, stupid, stupid! My time away from being a (complete) heartless bitch had softened me; when I saw his blood and tears beginning to pour, I felt a twinge of guilt. I walked over to him, guilty that I might have broken the poor kid before we had a chance to battle properly--since, as far as I was aware, our Lorinus-sponsored fight was still a few days out.

For my efforts at empathy and caring, I was sent crashing through the mansion's ceiling. My vision went white with the impact. Chunks of gray plaster, splintered wood support beams, straw insulation, and eventually clay roof tiles broke and scraped my exposed skin as my body traveled upward and outside. I finally came to a stop several feet away from the hole that, seconds ago, I burst out of.

I laid there on my back, an intense amount of pain wracking my body, forbidding it from moving. The handles of my daggers dug uncomfortably into my lower back through the leather bindings of my corset, but that was certainly the least of my worries. The midday sun was bright; perhaps too bright. I tried to lose my eyes and relax--yes, sleep sounded really good at that moment. But the intense, absolutely unbearable pounding in my head wouldn't grant me so much as a moment of respite.

I was able to roll over on my side after a few moments. My head, pounding and spinning, rolled around on the reddish tiles of the mansion's roof. My vision was all over the place. I couldn't focus. After traveling head-first through all that shit, not to mention the sheer force of the punch required to make it all possible, I was lucky if I got off with a mere concussion.

There was a slight whoosh off to the side somewhere on the roof; and then, calculated footsteps. The figure rattled off a few inane sentences--I had trouble making out most of the words. Something about crowns and miserable businesses.

I groaned, fighting back the urge to vomit. Somehow, I found the strength to climb to my hands and knees. I clenched my eyes shut and grit my teeth as the blurry figure with the green jacket and effeminate voice prattled on. "Hmm. Is this who Aurie really chooses to tag up with? It's official. You both suck!"

Zack placed his boot firmly on my side, and gave me a hearty kick. I rolled over a couple times, my already broken body banging against the tiles even more. As I came to a rest, I could see Zack's thin figure bent over me, his hands on his hips in mock disappointment. "I take my previous offer back. You're weak, creepy, and pesty. Consider euthanasia!" He burst out into short fits of laughter and raised his right hand. Against the blinding midday sun, I could make out a flash of fire forming in his fist.

I had to act, and I had to do it now. I reached deep down inside, calling upon the last of my strength to reach behind my back and unsheathe one of my delyn daggers. The sun glinted off the cold metal as I brought it around; and in a flash, it found a new home in Zack's right thigh. The scraping of bone against delyn was barely audible over his sudden, ear-piercing scream. He fell to one knee, and I found myself with a sudden burst of energy flowing through my body. I grabbed my second dagger, and gave it a new home in Zack's other thigh. His jeans immediately began soaking up pools of the boy's blood as he collapsed onto both knees. The mixed look of shock and horror on his face as I shakily rose to my feet was absolutely priceless.

"My turn," I managed to say as I raised my right foot into the air. With a quick thrust, the heel of my boot found the bridge of the boy's nose. The sound of cracking cartilage and shattering bone echoed on the rooftop as Zack snapped backwards.

I felt myself get dizzy again, and found myself collapsing to my knees once more. With a heavy sigh, I leaned forward and shut my eyes, praying for a moment's respite in the heat of the midday sun.

[Zack Blaze]

The pain of two knives jammed into each of his legs paralyzed the youth. As his twitching hands tried to reach for the knives, he was rewarded for his efforts by a foot planted square in the middle of his face. He could feel the pain of the punch coming back, this time in tenfold. Madison had put all of her weight into this big boot. It was a desperate attack, but Zack half expected a leg drop upon his throat to follow up the devastating maneuver. Spurts of blood flew from his legs and face, dripping onto the tiles like a miniature crimson rain.

The boy coughed, droplets of red flying into the air and lading upon his delicate features. The fatality of the blow was minor, but it was enough to keep Zack from moving his legs. Even now, as his thighs twitched and convulsed in pain, he could almost feel the nerves in his limbs tearing with each involuntary movement. His turned his head as he coughed again, his eyes falling upon Madison. He smiled; the pearls in his mouth were stained because of this girl and her killer instinct. She definitely had what it took to be on Zack’s team.

She opened her eyes. Her eyes met with Zack’s own bloodied face before she toppled over backwards herself, the air of the outside filled with nothing more than the heavy breaths of both competitors. “Not bad… but you must defeat sheng long to stand a chance…” Zack left his mouth open, allowing his blood to dribble out onto the shingles. He was referring to the fact that the librarian, while strong, still fell by the force of Zack’s uppercut, which (at least in the street fighter’s mind) struck with the force of a rising dragon.

“Oh….go home and be a family man…” Madison retorted, accompanied by what sounded like a spit sound between panted breaths. Zack laughed at this quip, which in turn, caused the woman to laugh as well. Pretty soon, Aurie and Ags would be done fighting one another, which meant that the winner of that bout would turn up on the roof and seize victory for their team.

“Hey,” Zack cleared his throat, trying to speak loud enough that Madison would be able to hear him clearly. “Join Misery Business. We could really use someone like you….” He coughed again as he finished speaking. His vision started to fade as he looked up at the clear blue sky. Zack took a deep breath and tried to will himself into awaiting the female warrior’s response.

“I’ll….think about it…” she slowly coughed out before her breathing took priority once more. Now, it was much lower, and with it came a small snoring sound. The girl had managed to answer the boy before passing out. It seemed that her resolve could be just as strong as even the great Zack Blaze.

K.O. Zacky boy… the youth smiled as he let the darkness finally overtake him, you win.

((Final post from me and BaBE, had permission to skip Aurie from his team mate. Aurie, you got a problem with me posting before you, please let me know andI will be happy to edit! Great fight, guys!))

[Aurelianus Drak'shal]

Permission given to write for Ags at the end of this post.

The blow from behind took Aurelianus completely by surprise.

He felt his armour part, metal tearing deep into the meat of his back. It was followed almost instantly by a wash of black blood, running down over his armour, dropping to the floor in a pattering rain. The tiefling was staggered forward a few steps by the force of the blow; but as he faltered into the darkened room before him.. he emerged into the corridor, looking at the room he had just fallen into.

What the pikin' He--

Aurelius' swore a long stream of profanity when he realised what had happened. Ags, the canny bitch, had tricked him. And, like a bloody rube, he had fallen for it. Reaching up, wincing slightly from the pain in his shoulder, he touched the object embedded in his flesh. Sure enough his fingers brushed over the serrated shuriken- his own shuriken. The fact he had been tricked so easily hurt the plane-touched's ego more than the wound, and he clenched his fangs, drool running down his chin as he frothed with pure rage. He didn't pull the bladed disc out, knowing how much damage it would do to him upon removal.

Instead, the warlock spun on his heel, barreling into the room behind him, the portal only working as an exit from the other entrance. He burst into the room, almost taking the door of its hinges with a violent boot. His head swung from side to side, taking in every detail of the room; from the ornate armchairs in front of the gilded fireplace, to the elegant goldleaf decoration framing the walls. He instantly hated it, but not as much as he currently hated the only other occupant of the room- Agnie Lar.

The fairy was backed up in the corner of the room, knowing she had nowhere to go. Aurelius had her.

She pressed herself against the rear wall, her red dress bunching up. The tiefling's serpentine eyes ran up her creamy legs, seeing again the flash of lacy underskirt... but he wasn't in the mood to explore that avenue. That realisation was.. unsettling for Drak'shal to tumble to, but as the shuriken grated against the bone in his shoulder, he forced his libido down for the first time in... quite possibly ever.

The blades deep in his flesh sent white hot flashes of pain through his back, but the Cager forced himself to ingore them, swallowing down his dizziness as he stalked closer to the fairy. His eyes were wide, the black surrounding his golden-yellow irises seemed all-encompassing. Agnie found herself unable to look away from Aurelianus' cold gaze. He stopped two steps in front of the voluptuous Fey, his fangs creaking as he ground them together. She mocked you, mate. Played you like a proper gully.

"Aye, she did," he muttered, seeing the slight confusion on Ags' face as he spoke to himself.

His hand lashed out, far faster than any normal mortal, his gloved hand catching the blonde round the throat, instantly cutting off her air supply. He could feel how soft and smooth the chit's skin was, his fingerless gloves allowing him to feel her neck, the tendons straining under his iron grip, feeling her pulse race. His knuckles cracked as he tightened his grip even more, seeing the veins on Agnie's neck stand out in stark contrast. The half-breed leaned in close, his mouth close to the fairy princess' ear.

"Y'know, luv. I'll admit, I'm mighty pissed off.. but I'm impressed. You actually managed to nick me."

Ags struggled against his grip a little, trying to pry his hand loose but he slammed her back against the wall, rattling her head against the wall with bone-jarring force, then lifting her up so she was suspended completely by his fist around her delicate neck. Her struggles ceased pretty soon after that.

"Not very often a body managed to get the better of me, luv. So, as I promised," he said quietly, lips brushing Ags' ear, "I'll make it quick."

Agnie had a second for a look of confusion or fear to cross her delicate features. Then the tiefling leaned in and kissed the Fey, much as he had her friend Luned in Ettermire, months ago; except without the rancid blood coating his features, or the grim, hellish surroundings of Swanra'ann's tannery. He felt the Fey try to resist at first, but then she stopped fighting- either because she was enjoying the tiefling's attentions... or more likely because she was close to losing consciousness. Or she was, until she felt Aurelius' knife ripping through her dress, before parting her flesh like cloth. He sank his blade into her stomach, hilt deep before he stopped kissing her, drawing back to watch her die.

Aurelius loosened his grip around her throat a little, giving her just enough to breathe. The fairy took huge gasps, trying to draw in as much oxygen as she could, staring down in disbelief at the gush of her blood, running down her dress, darkening the material nearly black, before streaking down her pale legs. The tiefling's senses were flooded by the rich coppery scent of her blood, making his mouth water.

But, after a few moments, he dropped the fairy to the ground, ripping his chiv out in another spray of blood. If it had been anyone else, he would have twisted the serrated knife in her guts before tearing it out. But, he'd promised he'd make it as pleasant as possible. The warlock stood over the dying fairy, on her knees in a steadily widening pool of her own blood. Running his forked tongue over the blood-coated blade, Aurelianus lapped the Fey's vitae, shivering with lust at the taste. But, he didn't stick around too long- he waited only until Ags fell over face first in her own blood, soaking into the rich carpets. He knew the bleeding enchantment on his knife would take care of the chit within a matter of minutes.

And besides, he still had another berk to pen in the Dead-Book.

***

It didn't take long for the tiefling to track down Zack and Madison.

He simply returned to where he had left them, trying to ignore the incessant itch, the pain of the shuriken still sticking out of his back. He tried to shrug it off, grunting under his breath as a fresh trickle of his inky blood ran down his back, warm under his leathers. He still had his bloodied knife clenched in his fist, knuckles white under the fingerless gloves. Shaking his quills out of his eyes in frustration, Drak'shal simply wanted to find out if he still had to take out the young, cocky street fighter, or if Madison had dealt with him.

Glancing into the destroyed remains of his room, Aurelius scanned for signs of either of the pair of sods. Aside from two deep melted channels in his floor, there was nothing. But, the half-demon had already guessed as much. Outside, in the demolished hallway, there was a newly created skylight in the ceiling.

Aurelius cocked his head, wondering which of the two fighters had been put brain-box first through the roof. Ignoring the glittering dust motes caught in the beam of sunlight, the tiefling scanned with his other senses, smirking as he picked up the smell of blood, up above. Normally it would have taken the free-running Cager a few seconds to make it up to the gaping hole in the ceiling, but with the shuriken planted in his muscles, he found it decidedly more irritating. His forked tongue wrapped itself around another string of profanities, hissed out in the guttural tongue of the Hells, heaping all his scorn upon Agnie for actually managing to wound him.

But, after a few more minutes, the plane-touched warlock was dragging himself on to the warm tiles of the mansion roof. The sun was coming down weakly, but still enough to be felt, shining over the surrounding woods.

Only a few feet from the broken wound in the roof, Aurelius marked the cutters, lying unconscious across the tiles, blood soaked and beaten. Looks like they 'ad fun, he chuckled, strolling over to them, careful not to lose his footing when he stepped in one of the blood-puddles- even with his physical endurance he doubted he could survive a four-story fall onto hard-packed earth. There was a decent bit of blood about, making it hard to say who it had come out of, but Aurelinaus took a wild guess when he saw the daggers impaling Zack's thighs. Both of the humans before him looked like they had been through the wringer, their faces bruised and bloody.

He knelt over Madison first, placing a finger against her neck. She was still alive and as he leaned in closer, knife-ears twitching slightly, he chuckled as he heard her snoring lightly.

"Well, time to wrap this ride up," he said to no-one in particular.

Strolling over to the blonde-haired youth, Drak'shal went to a knee, wincing as the shuriken ripped into his shoulder more, the flesh tearing under the strain of moving. He shook it off, sheathing his knife, knowing he could worry about it when My Little Homicidal Maniacs' victory had been assured. To that end, the half-breed took a hold of the daggers in the brawler's thighs, and wrenched them out with a vicious tug- he barely stirred, and judging by his unhealthy pallour, the blood loss from his wounds had the youth close to being a deader. A dark smirk slid over Aurelius' mouth as a thought popped into his brain-box- 'e told you not to pull any punches, after all.

Taking a hold of the boy's collar, Aurelius dragged him over to the edge of the roof, his dark-red quills ruffled by a cool breeze, leaving a smeared red trail. He could see the ground, a long way below, but he didn't stray too close to the ledge, the winds at this height plucking at him. The warlock quickly made his way back over to Madison's side; reaching down, he took hold of the long delyn cables the chit kept wrapped around her upper arms, pulling them loose. They rasped across her skin as he roughly yanked the long cables free of the former assassin, then walked back over to the still unconscious Mr. Blaze. He didn't have time to go into anything elaborate, or particularly inventive, so he settled for merely making an example of his latest employer.

Ripping away the green jacket covering Zack's chest, the tiefling took Herzaa's blade from it's leather cord at his belt. The curved and notched dagger looked like a torturer's wet dream, and had been used as much for that purpose as it had for surgery. Leaning over the youth, his delicate features a marked contrast to the rough features of the Cager tiefling, Aurelius went to work. First, he carved his team's name in Althanas Common (as opposed to his native tongue, also called Common) into the slightly tanned flesh of Zack's chest- the lack of blood flow from the wounds told the warlock his plaything was close to death. Whistling to himself, Drak'shal bound the younger man's arms together, tightly, behind his back with one of the delyn cables, the metal biting into his flesh. The second one was coiled around Zack's neck and secured to one of the exposed roof beams- at this, the kid actually woke up, eyes flickering weakly, rolling around feverishly in his brain-box.

"Glad you're awake for this, cutter. Would've been a shame if I went to all this trouble for nothin'," Aurelius smiled, patting Zack's shoulder. "You look like 'ell, by the by. I told you to watch 'er," he added, nodding to the prone form of Madison. The blonde-haired fighter managed to focus for long enough to see the blade in the fiend's hand, looming over him like some jolly specter of death. He registered the metal binding his arms and throat, before he looked up at Aurelianus, a faint smile at the corners of his blood-stained mouth.

**"G-go on then, Aurie. Don't.. pussy out on me.. now,"** he slurred, blood running down his chin with every laboured breath.

'e's got balls, I'll say that for 'im. Aurelius glanced over Zack, deliberating with himself. Could change that, he thought, but quickly dismissed the idea. The shock would kill him too quickly.

"'ave it your way, chief," he smirked, lifting the abused teen to his feet, supporting his weight- his wounded legs wouldn't be up to the task. "I win," he smiled, even as he quickly slashed low with Herzaa's blade, opening up a deep laceration across Zack's stomach.

Without another word, the Cager threw Zack from off the roof, his body hurtling down two storeys in the space of a heartbeat. But the delyn cables ran out quickly, snapping taut- they instantly arrested the teen's momentum, and in the same instant his vertebrae snapped, the gash on his stomach tore open, spilling his intestines in long wet ropes, tearing free. A moment later, Aurelius was rewarded by a hideously wet splat, as they hit the ground below, leaving a wide, visceral stain on the dirt.

"I win," he said, chuckling.

***

On the floor below, lying soaking in a pool of her own blood, Agnie's eyes flickered open. She lay still for a moment, trying to remember where she was, what had happened. Her head throbbed dully, making the fairy moan quietly. She tried to sit up, then gasped as a white-hot flash of pain seared its way along her nerves.

She finally managed to push herself onto her knees, tears streaming down her blood-marred beauty, and looked down.

She saw the ragged hole Aurelius had opened up in her stomach, but oddly, she felt little pain now. All she felt was cold. She blinked a few times, trying to clear the little black spots from her vision, but she couldn't.

The first thought to enter her mind was that the rude tiefling had ruined her dress. And it was a good one too!

She pouted in a caricature of anger, her little bow-shaped lips scowling. Her once-golden curls were dripping with matted clumps of blood, her head feeling heavy with the weight of it, and even her arm bracelets were slick with the collected ruby liquid. She had known exactly what would happen if Aurelius had caught her, and here it had happened. Still, there was no excuse for ruining her dress, especially when she had just suffered the bout of indigestion a short while ago.

The bloodied princess looked up at the door, still cracked from where the leather-and-blade clad fiend had kicked it open. She felt extremely faint, and even as she started to crawl towards the doorway, more blood spread out, dripping from the sodden fabric, even staining the lace underskirt a vivid pink.

Agnie didn't know she was dying, exactly. It just sort of.. crept up on her. But, even as death forced his icy claw into her chest, taking hold of her heart in a grip of ice, Ags' hand brushed the doorknob. She tried to drag herself to her feet, but the door didn't support her and she fell to her knees, slamming the door shut in the process. Her last thought was to picture a place, far off- a cold, dark place, deep at the bottom of an ocean. With a mischievous grin on her rosy lips, Agnie reached up with one last herculean effort, and turned the door knob.

And the ocean roared out.

She was the first to be washed away. Then, it tore through the building, the terrible, unbearable pressure smashing through doors, sending enormous cracks spider-webbing across the walls. Extravagant furnishing were obliterated as the wall of sheer, elemental force destroyed everything with its inevitable momentum.

It gutted the building, pummeling through every room, every floor, eating the mansion from the inside like a vile cancer.

It only took moments of the power of nature unleashed to destroy the mansion, sweeping Agnie and Zack away in a torrent, his body torn free from the delyn cables when the vast ocean exploded out the windows, drowning the forest around it for miles in a matter of minutes.

But, up on the roof, Madison and Aurelius had managed to avoid the worst of the destruction. Even as the tiefling allowed himself a relieved chuckle, however, a sound like the very earth was breaking apart roared ferally beneath him. Before he could even attempt to find a way out, the bottom walls of the building caved in. The ground lurched under the tiefling's feet. Great rents ripped across the stonework, sending head sized chunks falling into the deluge thundering from within. Another mournful rumble, and the rest of the building began to break apart, collapsing in on itself even as the sea erupted out.

But, as the remainder of the walls finally shattered, and the roof began to fall, unsupported from beneath; even as the entire mansion was demolished, so too was the doorway Agnie had opened. Just like that, the water stopped.

By the time the dust had settled, falling on the surface of a newly created lake, with just the merest tor of rock left, the remnants of the mansion perched atop, there was no sign of Zack or Ags. Though after a few long, agonising moments, one of the large chunks of wall began to move. It was finally thrown off, and from underneath, Aurelius dragged himself, his inky blood slathered across his skin, mixing with the plaster dust. He had broken at least one arm, his ribs, he could taste blood and he couldn't feel either of his legs, but even as he extricated himself from the rubble, spitting wads of blood, and growling in agony as the shattered shards of bone grated together under his flesh, he collapsed once again, sending a small avalanche of stones skittering down to the murky water surrounding the little island.

"I still pikin' win," he spat, as he passed out, the blackness rushing up to claim him.

[Enigmatic Immortal]

Misery business vs. My Little Homicidal Maniacs

Misery Business

Plot 18/30

Story 6/10 – The Story here wasn’t terribly far from one of the more common storylines of allies fighting allies. The lack of brotherly love is about what made this a step beyond the others.

Setting 7/10 –

Pacing 5/10 -

Character 16/30

Communication 5/10 – The dialogue was running back and forth between characters, and so it’s hard to tell who wrote what, so both teams will gain the same score as I can’t penalize or reward both teams for something they may or may not have written. Not that that’s a bad thing, but in a battle too much integration hurts the battle from a judging standpoint, simply an oddity of our rubric.

Action 6/10 – As Zack is built on fighting games and Ags is a tricky fairy princess the actions were in line with characters. I’d have liked a little more, especially with the nice moment where Ags felt *gasp* guilt. Actions are more than clever posing and signature moves. Look at a character sometime, and look at their mannerisms. Have you ever watched someone acting out a character with no dialogue and you knew instinctively that’s who they were? That’s what you’re trying to achieve with Action.

Persona 5/10 – The focus on the Fighting Game references, coupled with the smaller posts from Ags hurt here. I couldn’t tell if something was in character for Zack or if it was another fighting game reference.

Prose - 18/30

Mechanics 7/10 – Writing was good, what there was of it.

Clarity 5/10 – The references to the various fighting games hurt. While I understand you both were trying, it hurt your clarity because my mind after recognizing a few of them refused to continue on till I understood them all, and I’m still certain I missed a few.

Technique 6/10 – Slightly heightened technique for attempts at the allusions. If you had made them more subtle like Madison and Aurelianus this score would be higher for the nice treat.

Wildcard: 7/10 The use of a pyrrhic victory always amuses me. I am a spiteful person and the idea of tearing down the house for no other reason than to make someone pay for ruining your dress put me in a bit of a chuckle fit.

Total - 59/100

My Little Homicidal Maniacs

Plot 19/30

Story 6/10 – Hints of a larger story help, especially when I’m feeling like this is a stop in the larger story.

Setting 6/10 –There was a few nods to setting, mainly by Aurelianus but you tried as well Madison. Still remember to show not tell me about the setting. Maybe an absent kick by Aurelianus on that wadded paper, sending it under the dresser, maybe sweat dripping off you from fighting. Things like that help solidify the setting.

Pacing 7/10 – Pacing was a bit quicker without the worry of hunting down the references.

Character 18/30

Communication 5/10 – The dialogue was running back and forth between characters, and so it’s hard to tell who wrote what, so both teams will gain the same score as I can’t penalize or reward both teams for something they may or may not have written. Not that that’s a bad thing, but in a battle too much integration hurts the battle from a judging standpoint, simply an oddity of our rubric.

Action - 6/10 – Another facet of the problem with dialogue scores. The bit with the Cigarette generated bonus points as it gave me a conduit to both characters in the same moment. The Differing reactions allow me brief glimpses of characters that the fights would otherwise lack. More like that would have been preferable.

Persona - 7/10 – Slightly higher persona awarded for Madison’s crisis of faith in the murder and slaughter. I’m giving bonus points for Aurelianus’ reaction to it, even if it was to threaten her if she fails to perform. It’s the smallest things that you choose that display character more impressively for a reader. Each choice, each decision underlines a character’s persona in ways that are otherwise intangible.

Prose - 19/30

Mechanics 7/10 – Solid writing all around, couldn’t complain about most of it, even if it was confusing to read.

Clarity 5/10 – While I understand the use of Cockney accent, it hurts my brain to filter that and get all the slang. By the end of it I got the hang of it, but having to reread the words a few times to understand hurt your clarity.

Technique - 7/10 – Your use of Fighting Game Allusions was better and softer in terms of integration. While they were obvious they didn’t detract and felt less forced.

Wildcard: 0/10 Wild Card Zeroed out due to post time failures on BaBE and Aurelianus missing post times.

02-23-13, 04:47 PM posted by Agnes, next post by Aurelianus at 02-26-13, 03:12 AM.

02-27-13, 05:06 PM posted by Zack Blaze, next post by Black and Blue Eyes at 03-03-13, 04:59 PM.


Total ~ 56/100

Misery Business wins

Zack Blaze receives 1925 EXP and 48 GP
Ags receives 1925 EXP and 35 GP
BlackandBlueEyes receives 478 EXP and 34 GP
Aurelianus Drak'shal receives 478 EXP and 34 GP

[Mordelain]

Experience and gold added.