Fae Conundrum

[Flamebird]

Fae Conundrum.

Sequel to Entanglement. Closed to Yvonne.

~ ~ ~

The sizzling of a campfire was one of just many sounds in the early morn. The purple sky was slowly turning blue over the landscape. Settled into a campsite cradled within a massive set of rubble and stone, the group would have been shaded from the sun anyways, thanks to the massive columns of white, vine coated rocks and ruins. On one side of the campsite lied the vast jungle the group had met in. Dheathian's rain forest was a place of danger the team managed to survive. Yet, what lied on the other side of the camp was perhaps even more dangerous. The ruined city of Donnalaich was home to many drakari – one of which had his shop demolished by the girls – and fae – who were magic users.

The events of four days past were… interesting.

The heroes of this story seemed to be ignoring it. One of these girls, a redheaded teen, was sitting on the mat she called her bed. She currently wore a yellow shirt and brown traveling pants. Her shoes were unwisely taken off. The near-human was recently crippled in practically every way. Only several days after such a daunting experience, most of her physical problems were resolved. A previous slash to the stomach was well mended. As she and her partner in crime were both medics, they both knew how to use any bandages, creams, and medicines to rapidly heal the wound. Her previous state of exhaustion and starvation was also cured. In fact, thanks to both stress eating and a massive metabolism, almost all the deer meat they had was gone. In fact, right now, a half eaten bowl of soup was sitting next to her. She had nothing but rest as of late, thus she rapidly bounced back from her tired haze.

The only thing that did not heal was her head. Her emotional and mental state.

Yet another panic attack had taken over on that wretched day. For the first several days of rest, she was borderline unresponsive. Mostly, she was in a sort of vegetable state, although sometimes she went into crying fits as well. Today, she was still distant and reserved, but better. At this point, her run away from every internal thought mentality was starting to come back. As she stared off into the growing sunrise, she was starting to crack.

The last several days of awkward, uncomfortable silence was driving her crazy!

She could literally feel the weight of every dropped and unanswered question crushing her back. She knew she and her newfound sort-of-friend had so much to talk about after that scene they made in the city… she wished to run away and avoid it like the plague, but she just knew… she knew… they had to face it.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar squeaking itched her ear. She turned to the direction of the sound and looked down. There, a large mouse was eating her remaining soup.

The ragechild's eye twitched.

“GET AWAY, YOU LITTLE FOUR LEGGED, DISEASE INFESTED RODENT!!!”

The bowl was cast clear out of the camp, the tiny mammal tossed with it. The bowl landed within a section of jagged boulders, food splattering across the white rocks.

Seconds later, the increasingly irritated neanderthal hybrid heard crackling in the bushes. She instantly scowered the encampment for her delyn sword. Beneath the bags, the sleeping mats, cooking supplies. She overturned every object trying to find her only weapon – wait!

She telepathically called her metal bluebird out of her large backpack. The explosive object flew right into the girl's hand. “Halt! I have a bluebird painted bomb and I know how to-“ Her companion, Yvonne, stepped out of the shrubbery. “-Oh! It’s you.”

She dropped the telepathically controlled weapon onto the forest floor. “Sorry.”

She immediately went to clean up her mess, retreating back into that horrific silent treatment.

[Yvonne]

Well, that be an apology I guess. It might be tha only one I be getting, I had better appreciate it, for what it be worth.

Yvonne opened her mouth to say something, anything, but Felicity had already turned from her and walked away. Sighing softly, she closed her yap and frowned, refocused on sorting out the water she was carrying. Borrowing the grumpy teen's water purifier she set about cleansing it of impurities and diseases, so they'd survive another day at least. She poured it through the thing as Felicity had explained days ago, bit by bit, and put it in the canister. Boom! Hopefully she wouldn't notice her belongings were being utilized behind her back. She hadn't previously. The last thing the drow-dwarf woman wanted was another argument with her blood-sister, especially over something silly like who owns what.

The liquid was worth as much as gold out here in Dheathain, where the sun was scorching and sapped the energy of even the most resilient hero. There was no way the shrewd trader was going to barter for it, when Felicity owned a water purifying device and a babbling brook trickled through the jungle nearby. The jungle was life-endangering to be sure, though if it wasn't her that fetched their water some poor townsfolk would have to instead. No, Yvonne had time on her hands while her companion recovered from the brink. She could manage the water herself.

The grey dwarf had made a single trip into the town of Donnalaich during the last four days, to acquire some more water-skins. When she journeyed across the sea to this continent she had no idea the heat would be this punishing. She'd been drinking perhaps double her water in-take since arriving here, sweating it out twice as fast with the atrocious humidity. Squatting behind bushes twice as often to have twice as many pees was getting rather old. Her skin hated her sun exposure as much as she did - Yvonne had developed a sort of sun sensitivity, unless it was sunburn, sweat rash and never really recovering from either which she was cringing about.

Yvonne took her pack off, giving her back a rest and setting it down on the forest grass. The caress of the straps across her shoulders exacted a stinging pain which she tried not to react too loudly to. Her involuntary response was a whimper, nothing more. The sunburnt half-breed sat down upon her moss-supported bed, one of few comforts, folding her legs and opening her herb pouch. She knew she still had some left. One could get plenty of uses from an aloe vera plant by breaking off only very small pieces at a time. Yvonne gingerly rubbed the soothing sap over her blistering skin, her cringe and crinkling forehead fading.

I wonder how long she plans on keeping this up. This be tha fourth day of resting. She be getting restless, I can tell. Her wound not be too bad anymore, she be well fed and hydrated. Only a matter of time before she wants ta do something productive with her days. When she does that means we be going into Donnalaich I imagine, nest of fae magi, tricksters and witches. Tha least she could do would be ta help me understand what she knows about magic, prepare me a little for what we be getting ourselves into here... but no, avoiding conversation be tha least she could do.

Yvonne closed her glinting silver eyes, letting her pained facial expression relax, basking in the cool feeling of aloe vera on her skin while simultaneously burning beneath the sun's relentless stare. Her pointed elven ears twitched, swiveling slightly, listening for unusual sounds throughout the nearby jungle wilderness. The rustling of a hundred thousand leaves and the calming symphony of bird calls played in the distance. Birds were wonderful creatures. They were her own personal lookouts. Birdsong indicated a region without predators. Silence foretold danger. The little mistress inhaled a deep breath, filling her lungs full, holding it... before exhaling eventually. She was essentially meditating, clearing her mind of frustration.

[Flamebird]

Yvonne did not appear to be doing that well in the sunlight.

Daybreak was now fully blooming across the horizon. With the fae's magical powers not reaching the camp, it was dreadfully humid. Felicity could handle heat. Humidity, however…

As she continued to organize the campsite, she growled in annoyance. As Yvonne rested, Felicity tried to stay clear of her path. She always got this weird, jumpy feeling in her chest when she got close to her. It was the anxiety kicking in. Honestly, Felicity could tell that since she revealed her status as a magic user to Yvonne, the Alerar-born lady seemed to not… like her… so much anymore. In honesty, her insecurities were ramping up over the concept of losing a friend – then again, she remembered screaming at her, ordering her to leave and let her die.

Despite the heat, Felicity shivered.

Her body movements were loud and provoking. She was obviously in a foul mood as she shoved objects into bags and forcefully readjusted her sleeping mat. Her face was beet red. This was absolute torture. As mosquitoes flew around her sweaty head, the girl tossed her metal bird into a bag. This bird, in fact, was a creation of Alerar’s technology. The gunpowder within could explode upon its user's command. It was kind of like Felicity’s powers, minus the anger issues, blood letting, and anxiety. Felicity’s own powers were granted by an alchemist of Alerar. Would this change Yvonne’s opinion? Yvonne seemed, well, petrified over the mere mention of the topic of magic. Felicity’s abilities were wild and uncontrollable; deranged and violent. Was there any way Yvonne would continue to associate with… this? Felicity could not bear the thought of rejection again.

She just wanted to run. Run far away and never look back. Yet… she could not… She needed closure. Would the truth sting? Or was Yvonne somehow one of the select few to really understand? Did she fall somewhere in between? Was Felicity doomed? Yvonne was like a sister at this point. Felicity needed to know! Felicity finally caved.

After long last, she raised a frying pan in the air, screamed, and threw it to the ground. The loud clang it left as it collided with brick hard debris resounded across the whole camp. Her red, fiery hair matched her temper as she finally gave up. "Okay! That’s it! I've had enough of these silent treatment shenanigans!”

Her body was tense, enraged and terrified, as weakness forced itself to bleed through her vocal chords, “We're just about out of deer, we need to go into town, and we need to talk…”

[Yvonne]

The drow-dwarf mongrel’s forehead creased, her eyebrows coming together as she weathered the storm of Felicity’s temper, boiling over. Yvonne remained silent, despite her companion’s spiel intended to lure her to speak. The closed curtains of her black eyelids barely stirred, the grey dwarf lingering in her thoughts a while longer, where things were peaceful. She considered her blood-sister’s words, turned them over and examined them in her mind’s eye but gave no indication she was even listening at all.

She been thinking about things for a while, obviously. That be an elaborate word choice, poor dear. Shenanigans… did she read a dictionary tha last few days? Must be smarter than she first appears - never judge a book by its cover. She knew exactly what she wanted ta say, not even a hint of her lisp interrupting her. So this be how it unfolds, Felicity on tha front foot and putting me on tha back foot. How do I recreate equilibrium?

Yvonne opened one sterling eye and looked at the temperamental teen directly with it, her expression taking the form of a raised eyebrow. She was still foolishly holding out hope for a genuine apology, even though the Alerar-born had already forgiven the antagonism of days past. Perhaps it would be best to forget about it as well.

Whether it would be better or not, at her core she believed she had gone out of her way for Felicity many times, shown a benevolent side of her being because the truth of it was they were the same. Hybrids. Outcasts. Misfits. Yvonne’s benevolence came with a price tag attached. You didn’t necessarily have to pay the price when you took advantage of her kindness, but in the minds of all conscientious people they would understand they owed her. They were indebted and should either pay it back or pay it forward. Either option was satisfactory.

Felicity had protected Yvonne with her own body, with her life potentially while the charismatic force of will had straightened out the tyrant-butcher. For that Yvonne was thankful, but the berserker had followed up her selflessness with a tantrum-torrent so devastating it had deprived the black-skinned dwarf of any composure whatsoever. She could count the number of times she’d broken down and bawled her eyes out, physically emptied herself of sorrow on one hand. Felicity had made the list, she’d come to mean that much to her in such a short span of time.

Before Felicity could give her another tempered serve, Yvonne finally spoke.

“Let’s do those things in reverse. Talk. Town. Deer,” Yvonne cued, not saying another word.

[Flamebird]

Felicity blindly shoved a bag off a large rock, then awkwardly sat on it. The contents of the bag, which humorously included her sword, fell out. The teen paid no attention to it at all as she desperately awaited any replies. Silence was one thing she simply could not stand. For a moment, Yvonne seemed to have completely missed her before a single eye opened. The silver orb watched, thoughts obviously dancing in her head, as she raised an eyebrow. The girl bit her lip, her body coursing with lightning like negative energy, before –

“Let’s do those things in reverse. Talk. Town. Deer.”

Oh thayne.

Her peridot eyes grew three times larger. Her heart skipped before her nuclear blood continued to flow. Pale, the young woman looked away. She stared off into space somewhere, wondering where on earth she could start. Her knee jerk reaction was self defense. She needed to justify herself, direly. She went with it.

A long, shaky sigh escaped her. As jungle parakeets squawked in the distant trees, she closed her eyes. She was obviously nerve wrecked. Her body visibly shook as she gripped the stone with her bulky hands. From across the camp, Yvonne waited. Whether or not she was impatient, Felicity could not tell. Maybe it was her backstory, her lack of confidence, or both; Felicity was still socially awkward. Finally, she lowered her head.

“I wa-as trying-ing to… p-protect you.”

She gritted her teeth. So much stress was pulsing through her, her already unhealthy blood pressure was starting to rise to a point even the medication she was taking could not help. Shy but dark eyes opened. She started to sweat worse than she already was. She stopped gripping the rock and uncomfortably held her hands instead. For all the uptight body language, her voice remained timid and fearful. She spoke in a bit of a whisper. Her tone in itself seemed to plead for some sort of mercy.

“I didn’t want to hurt you back there, I-“ She stammered, anxious eyes darting around the camp as she slumped. “-I…” Another sigh. “I knew what I could be. Yes, I have magical powers. Yes, I have a hard time controlling them.”

Her voice finally started to rise. Anger was audible, yet it was not aimed towards to drow-dwarf mix. It was a rage that she held towards herself. “And since an alchemist first stuck a needle in me and gave me this, I’ve been paranoid of this ability getting out of hand.” Her hand fell over her rapidly pounding chest, “I hate the idea of hurting any of my friends with them – but you. You came from Alerar, right? And I saw how you handled that fae guide, you loathe magic. So how could I let you anywhere near me when my powers are raging! I could tell I was hurting you – my-my blood has nuclear poisoning – I had no way of stopping it from hurting you – I had to push you away! I couldn’t hurt you!”

She was tearing up. Heavy droplets of salty tears splattered onto her oak colored pants. Her voice shook as she quivered, “I wouldn't be surprised, if you probably hate me now for merely having magical powers. And, well, I guess I was also pushing you away before you had the chance to-to push me, if that makes any sense...”

There was still so much she could say. The way her powers worked, all the research she'd done just trying to figure them out, why there were no sparkles or fairy dust when her "invisible" powers switched on. For now, however, as the jungle started to teem with morning life, she waited for her judgement day.

[Yvonne]

Yvonne held any form of her judgement until the very end, until Felicity had spoken everything she was willing to say. Until she understood exactly what she was dealing with here, until the atomic-teen’s side of the story was told, the half-dwarf remained stoic. She didn’t interrupt, she listened. She didn’t stare, she made eye-contact and then looked away, considering her words. She didn’t prompt the girl any further than she already had - didn’t need to as her companion explained all. The black-skinned hybrid tended and cultivated her thoughts.

Poor lass. Her reasoning I comprehend. She tried ta safeguard me from herself, even as I be helping her. If I had been in her place, what would I have done differently? If I be cursed with a dangerous magical power, wouldn’t I do as she had done? Push, rage, scream, yell. I would do anything ta protect those I care for. I would do worse. I would lie. I would manipulate and pull strings. I would subdue if it came ta that. Who be I ta scrutinize her imperfections? I have more than me fair share of flaws.

The mention of another, an alchemist was key information. Someone else had burdened her with this, of their own volition. They had made a decision to take Felicity’s life in their hands and alter it at their whim. Yvonne’s eyes narrowed dangerously. Her immediate thought was to take an eye for an eye. They had punctured Felicity with a sharp object and should meet the same fate. A dagger between their ribs would suffice. Even the thought of it made her feel better. She would have to question the lass about this alchemist, learn his intention and whether she willingly accepted this serum-magic or not. If it was forced there would be… consequences in this individual’s future.

“Hate ye? I could never,” Yvonne declared, stressing the importance of her words to banish the thought from Felicity’s mind. No wonder the berserker had been standoffish and unapproachable for so long. She thought there was hatred between them and one more false move might end their friendship, but that simply wasn’t the case. The grey dwarf was more complicated than a harbourer of fear and hatred, unlike many of her dark elven brethren.

“Someone else burdened ye with uncontrollable magic? An alchemist injected ye with nuclear power? How ye be ta blame for that? Why would I hold it against ye when I could hold it against them?” Yvonne challenged. Felicity’s tears softened the half-dwarf’s stern expression, the emotion in the teen’s voice spearing through her resiliency.

“I’ve come ta a crossroads, dear. I’d never met a fellow sufferer weighed down with magic, until now. I could turn me back on yer pain and run away in fear, or… I could face me fear with yer help, so that in time I might help ye too,” she offered, stating her options. Yvonne was scared, there was no doubt. Her trembling was intense, especially in her hands. Even the plain and simple act of talking about magic frightened her but she was pushing through. Her willpower was fortified when she put her mind to it. It would take a magic-siege to break her with her mind made up.

“I be sorry, for tha days of silence. I allowed ye ta expect tha worst, yer thoughts running amok. That wasn’t fair of me,” Yvonne conceded. “By way of apology ta ye, I will try ta learn about yer magic-burden. If I understand it, mayhap I will fear it less.”

Yvonne closed her tired silver eyes a moment, taking a deep breath to settle her nerves. She hugged herself, arms wrapping around her sides to create some kind of comfort feeling. It appeared absolutely childlike but was entirely necessary. Learning about magic was a courageous leap of faith out into an endlessly void-black bottomless pit of terror.

“Ye be forgiven yer misconduct, on one condition…” Yvonne smiled bravely, through fear overwhelming, looking into Felicity’s teary eyes again and taking hold of her attention.

“Ye try ta think of yerself with kindness,” Yvonne stipulated.

[Flamebird]

Felicity’s very life was brightened upon hearing Yvonne’s gentle reply. Waves of relief rolled in on her, soothing her in a fresh ocean breeze. As she gulped down every ounce of the young woman’s words, the liquid was like a soothing tea – despite the bits of tea bag grains still left in.

She looked away as Yvonne finished. Well, Felicity was quite the selfless soul. She despised the idea of hurting any of her friends. She would defend the innocent, fight for the weak… yet, one thing she struggled to do was love herself. It was ironic. Really, Felicity was much more of an individualist. She followed her own stars, dressing and acting the way she wanted. She was not a traditionalist or conformist… yet, she hated herself. She refused to follow any crowd, but she hated herself.

She still did not know why.

To make her matter worse, she could easily see how scared – no, terrified – Yvonne was. The half-dwarf was as tight and bunched up as the redhead. She hugged herself in fear, anxiety, over the mere topic of magic. It threatened to kill Felicity. She could barely watch her. The promise she made, however, to face her fear together if it meant helping Felicity, it was real. Raw, made in a pact of steel. Strong as the quality weapons forged in the half-drow’s hometown. Felicity went pale over it, but how could she turn her own? Especially when her stipulation for forgiveness was a little self-respect.

The teen’s chest was tight, throbbing, in her own anxiety. She felt a need for relief. Maybe, a thrill-seeking moment of excitement? Whenever she was faced with a problem, Felicity turned to whatever external freakshow she could find. The adrenaline, excitement… was a double-bladed sword. An alchemist and botanist, Felicity knew very well to stay away from the unhealthy, sickening drinks and drugs. Some people intoxicated to relieve their pain. Felicity coped by putting herself in the most extreme of situations, like a random hike through a foreign continent, in hopes of that next thrill high. Little did she realize at this time, that maybe her external focus was just as deadly to herself and others. Right now, however, she was stuck here. With duty and loyalty binding her to the situation, she stayed. Held captive and imprisoned by her feelings of warmth and friendship, she looked Yvonne in the eyes. Paranoid grey met devastated green.

The teen sighed. Desperate, she was willing to do anything for her select few friends. Her very fear of rejection forced her to say it, “Deal. Done.”

Her thoughts drifted towards her comments about the alchemist, Daisuke Toivonen, and how Yvonne addressed him. The girl shook her head. As she pulled greasy strands of thick red hair behind her ears, she spoke. “The alchemist, Daisuke, is… sort of a friend?” Even Felicity was confused about him, “He and my previous teacher thought it would be a good idea to help me grow stronger. By giving me powers. He had focused on a making some sort of serum a long time ago but remembered it when I came along.” The teen shuddered, “I was willing. I mean, Eiskaltian neanderthals have an affinity towards magic, what could go wrong?”

By the shaky tone in her voice, it was obvious. A lot had gone wrong.

The berserker looked down to her right hand, her mind scrutinizing over her abilities, “How they work, well. Every time I bleed, I become impervious to pain and get stronger. If I get hit a second time, third time, etcetera, it stacks. I get stronger, the nuclear energy trapped inside me gets more intense, and –“ She took a sharp breath as her anxiety continued to get worse. Her words were quick yet filled with so much bitterness and woe it could be just as potent as her nuclear radiation. “- I get angrier…”

She squeezed her hands as she continued on, “After all the research I, and others, have done. We still don’t know why.” Her desperation pierced the air, “But I lose control, lose my sanity, whenever this thing is activated.”

A humorless laugh briefly was let out. Her joyless smile shone like artificial moonlight as she shook her head. “Don’t ask me why. Daisuke made this potion and he doesn’t know. It’s a blessing and a curse. I appreciate the fact that I have this sort of power, I really do.” She lowered her head, “I just wish I could control it more than it controls me. It isn’t voluntary, I can’t make it turn off or on. It’s always there. I accidentally cut myself while cutting herbs? Boom! I fall and scrape my knee? Terror time. It-it always hounds my steps. It forever haunts me…”

[Yvonne]

Nerve-wracking phobia-fright pulled her away and maternal instincts for the teen’s well being drew her near. That’s why she remained so still. The conflicting feelings counterbalanced each other - didn’t cancel each other out mind you. She experienced both emotions - terror and compassion - together at once like a hurricane of tumultuous water and wind spiralling in and out of control. The Alerian listened, meditating amid the eye of the storm and there she felt contentment. She and Felicity had an accord.

The berserker understood a great deal about the effects her magic had on her, the results of it - what she knew from experience. Yvonne would have liked to understand the cause of its occurrence, why blood and injuries were triggers that set it off but it was clear Felicity did not know herself… and neither did that misleading weasel Daisuke.

Yvonne committed his name to her very long memory. Experimenting on an impressionable child, having no understanding of what was to be injected into the poor girl. How it would affect every facet of her life. He had converted an innocent child into a living weapon. It was reprehensible. It sounded exactly like something her dark elven brethren would do.

The slate-skin dwarf attempted to break her looming contempt before she blurted out something cruel and unnecessary. Perhaps in response to Felicity’s humourless laughter she decided to take the comical approach.

“Ye don’t get hurt, ye don’t go berserk? Yer saying all I need ta do with ye be ta wrap ye up in cotton wool from tip ta toe, and ye be fine? Oh I can do that - I be having more bandages about here somewhere…” Yvonne joked, rummaging through the medical kit she’d acquired free of charge, at Zrazire’s expense.

“Here we be, try this on for size!” the cheeky drow-dwarf directed teasingly, not serious in the least as she tossed the unrolling bandage through the air. It settled lightly and fully extended over Felicity’s lovely red locks and face. With a puff she blew the material out of her eyes, not that impressed.

“Kidding. I know me jokes need some work but I be trying here. Come on sweetheart, just a teeny weeny smile?” Yvonne requested, bestowing her own fond smile upon the angst-ridden teenager. They both needed a little break from the seriousness of it all, to catch their breath and renew their courage.

“If yer alchemist, this Daisuke,” she tested the name on her tongue and found it distasteful, “never fully understood his serum we may never understand how yer magic does what it does ta ye.” Her words sounded grim, grimmer than she would have liked, but the truth wasn’t always puppy dogs and rainbows. Her expansive mind scoured her thoughts, her memories, her knowledge, her wisdom for some kind of solution. An entire minute passed them by while she concentrated, silent. Eventually she spoke again - a strategy had come to mind but she wasn’t currently capable of executing on it.

“Mayhap there be a way we might respond ta it after it flares up though. They say sometimes it be best ta fight fire with fire. A clever phrase, ta use tha same tactic of yer adversary against them, even if ye find their method distasteful. Our situation be a little different. We be our own adversary and tha tactic we be unfamiliar with, but if magic does this ta ye… mayhap magic could undo this too. Like one of those - what do those Raiaeran’s call it--” Yvonne paused, digging deeper through her memories of rare occasions when magic had been discussed in her vicinity.

“--a dispelling spell,” she finally managed, her memory coming through for her. For some reason she didn’t feel afraid, afraid of the thought of a spell which would unmake magic. She felt hopeful.

[Flamebird]

“It’s more complicated than that,” Felicity shook her head. With the role of wrapping on her head, she reached up and pulled the distracting cloth off.

“This magic is literally a part of me.” She folded her arms as she cynically explained, “A friend of mine, Nevin, a dear person, helped me a lot in this research. We found out many things, like how exactly it affects my body. One thing is that it’s bound to my chemical makeup, maybe even my DNA. Trying to dispel my powers would be dispelling me. He used the word ‘deleterious.’”

The soft wind ruffled the palm leaves of the jungle trees. As the sound swept pleasantly through the camp, she lowered her arms into a self preserving hug. It was the anxiety. Her chest pounded in constricted pain. She still pushed on, “We’ve decided on medications that have helped. Blood thinners for thick blood, blood pressure pills for the blood pressure, lavender oil for the stress and anger issues, pinkleaf juice concoctions for the anger, angel tree syrup for the anger…” Her voice trailed off more and more as the list of anger reducers came up. She finally stopped, red cheeked, and nervously chuckled.

After the moment of embarrassment, she smiled, “We’ve made progress, Yvonne, believe me. We just aren’t one hundred percent there yet.” She waved her arm lightly as she looked towards her sword. Her expression narrowed as she spoke, “This ability is an incredible help in combat. I just-“ She stopped, stammered, closed her eyes. Her voice was lower, but still loud. “I am determined to control this beast. I will. I’ll prove them all wrong!” Her shout was aimed towards, well, her many discriminating and naysaying foes.

She turned her focus back towards Yvonne, looking back at her. “You probably wouldn’t understand, considering your culture, but I can make lemonade out of lemons, so to speak.” She smiled, “I believe this can work, with effort. It’s hard to see sometimes, but I can do this.”

She slumped again as a thought crossed her mind, “Back at the butcher’s, I-I had an anxiety attack.” She chuckled in a mixture of awkwardness and sadness, “I was thinking irrationally, it’s a symptom.” She held her hand out in a matter of factly gesture. “I’m not as, well… hopeless… as I sounded back there.”

She winced as she looked back. Yvonne’s mention of the phrase fire with fire only made her think more of the person she had her flashback of. She shuddered… In actuality, she despised that phrase.

[Yvonne]

Deleterious.

In spite of Yvonne’s extensive vocabulary she had never in her life heard that word uttered before. Her tutor had neglected to mention the word. The way Felicity portrayed its meaning filled the grey dwarf with terror. Her hope of imagining a spell that might prove beneficial proved to raise the hairs on the back of her neck instead - the thought she may have had an inclination to affect her friend with a spell that would erase her, leaving behind a dribbling vegetable was too much to bear. How could she have even thought of doing something so abominable?

How was she any different to this Daisuke person, who had thought it a marvelous idea to experiment on the poor teenager without considering the consequences? Isn’t that exactly the same impulse which had come to her mind? To play with metaphysical forces beyond her own understanding and subject her guinea pig to an idea of how to fix her? She felt like she needed to be sick, her stomach churning. In her mind there was little difference between them now, between Daisuke and herself - her morally superior self-righteousness collapsing into ruins as quickly as it was built.

Mayhap the sel darthirii were right. If even her first trepidatious thoughts toward the practice of magic resulted in negative responses, in mind-boggling guilt, perhaps there was truth to the stigma. She had, in a moment of weakness, considered the possibility that magic could bring her anything but fear and misery. It seemed very clear in this moment she had been wrong. The concept of wielding the energies of the arcane - despite all warnings to avoid it like the plague - had allured her, tempted her. Yvonne had dipped her toes into what appeared a warm, inviting bath on the surface, only to be burned by scalding, boiling water.

The magic hopeful felt crushed beneath the weight of a hundred Alerian voices in her head. They told her who she was, what she was to do, when she could speak, where her place was and why magic was to be avoided.

Yvonne listened, deathly silent and still.

A biting, stinging sensation pulled at her awareness, pain intensifying until it tugged her attention back to the present. Her little hand slapped a rather fat mosquito busy draining her of blood, squashing it to a pulp. She regretted the action instantly, pain of her fierce sunburn exploding from her neck - a tormented whimper escaping those black lips. She had no words, her desire to say anything further shutting down lest she suggest another horrible, personality-voiding solution for the sake of her own peace of mind.

Sometimes her existence felt like it was about taking two steps forward, one step back, as though for twice the effort she received half the reward. How quickly the tables of emotion could turn, from Yvonne attempting to raise Felicity’s spirits to the need for Felicity to lift her own. No, that wouldn’t be necessary. Yvonne possessed the willpower of a titan, or so she told herself. She could lift her own mind up.

“We should be going… into town,” the little woman said, sadness evident in her voice.