Commentary:

Strengths:

You start with a really great sender of foreboding, and open the story slowly and well. You do not provide all the information, but instead do it gradually so that we, as the reader, can be introduced to the idea of the tale with good pacing.

In terms of character voice you have this defined well. Rehtul's inner voice is clear and present, as well as his more snarky comments, and as he goes on his adventures the reader learns with him, and learns more about him. The comments about the person who kidnapped him loving the sound of their voice is a good example of how his personality shines through the writing.

A really beautiful insight into the purpose and wants and desires of your character, that really opened up to a future of exciting things that leaves the reader wanting more.

Weaknesses:

Overall I would have liked to see more of a balance with description and dialogue. There was some heavy explanation in parts and lots of conversation where there could have been more prose. What was said though was decently written.

Scenery. More description and details would add just a little more to the overall thread and give it a sense of adventure and more meaning. The story seems all about the words and purpose for your character, setting up for possible future threads, and though this is fine to do it could have more done with the setting.

The threads seemed to end on a staccato point. Although it was a good cliffhanger it was a little disjointed and sudden, with something missing. A bit of a, "and it was all a dream," type stereotype.

Score: 65

Rewards:

Rehtul Receives:

1500 exp
70 gold

Includes some discretion. All Rewards added.