Verisyl nods and follows the other two offworlders. She was starting to feel like this was gonna be the start of an amazing adventure and Veri was never one to shy away from an adventure even back home. She secured her shield and sword to her back and took off as a brisk run to follow her two newfound friends. Adventure awaited her in the world of Althanas!
~End
Equipment: 1-handed Iron Sword, Iron Armor, wooden Shield
Judgment
Hello again Ashe!
As requested, here is your basic judgment. This thread is 20 posts long, and in the vein of your style the writing itself is more akin to a quick "burst post" RP. There were motes of character development, which is progress, and I think you would really benefit by writing and RP'ing with other writers on the site. This will definitely allow you to keep your style while adding to the content of your posts.
Pros
- Again, another thread completed!
- There were hints of character development between the trio of demons. No thread is ever hurt by even just a little bit of character progress, so keep this up.
- On some of your posts, you've improved the content. A paragraph, at least, gives the reviewer something to work with, so keep doing this.
Cons
- Aside from the three meeting and agreeing to journey together, plot and overall detail was too thin on the ground. These are early days, but I imagine you'll get better the more you expand out and write with other people.
- Some posts were merely a sentence long. This is NOWHERE near enough to be able to give the reviewer a sense of the story you are trying to tell, or picture the scene you are in.
- Be mindful of cliches. As I said before, it's early days in your career here so there is plenty of time to iron out the easy stuff.
Final Score: ***
Rewards (Inclusive of Stonevale x1.5 EXP bonus):
Verisyl receives 481 EXP and 48 GP!
Cerna receives 486 EXP and 48 GP!
Lilithios receives 241 EXP and 24 GP!
All rewards added!
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