“Because,” I glared at Amari over the rim of my mug, my eyes flashing in angry amber light, “all my friends are useless, gone, or dead.”

Aurelianus pissed off to another dimension where every fuckable hole was replaced by the mouth of a lamprey, where he could finally be happy. Diggs and Hedge bit the dust during some recon mission in Alerar. Philomel, as much as she said was my friend and harbored no ill will after what I had done to her precious sluts, hated my guts--I'm certain of it. Even if I had dragged her along for the ride by the curved horns on her head, that stupid flaming fleabag of hers would've protested and ended up with another faceful of acid. Nevin would have shit his prissy pants at the first sign of danger. Hyperion would've furrowed her brow and shook her finger at me, tut-tutting the entire time. Lye...

...who fucking cares about him. Probably lost in the wilds, his self-pity rotting him from the inside out, desperate for someone to see his schemes through in his stead.

...do I really have so few friends? I mean, I knew that I have a lot of enemies--

I gulped down some of my hot chocolate and set it back down on the table. “At least I can count on you. You're pretty good at the whole senseless slaughter thing, y'know? I remember what you did to those twenty-some-odd slugs that raped you your first week in the Sanctum. Fucking worthless, the whole lot of 'em, but you still took the time to give them some pretty creative and thorough deaths.”

A sly grin creased my face. I licked my lips. “You're very much like me. A natural. An artist. Someone who I know can appreciate the look in someone's eyes as they draw their final breath. Someone who revels in it. Otherwise, you wouldn't be running the Hands like you do. And I need someone like you with me for this.”

The Ar'Tuel cocked an eyebrow for the millionth time today. “And you're not concerned with—”

“That book told me that people being shitty to you is what corrupts you,” I spat at her. “Not you being shitty to others. You'll be fine, I promise.”

I paused to take a deep breath. I was itching to lay some hands on someone. Dig my fingers into their soft, pale flesh. Tear out some vital organs and have an early lunch.

“Look, if you're that worried about your soul--” I reached into my pockets and produced a few gold coins. They fell onto the table with the distinct high-pitched clinking you normally associate with money.

“I'll pay for your lunch. There! Someone was nice to you! You've healed a bit! Now you have some wiggle room for the afternoon!”

We sat in silence, nursing our drinks while the morning slowly bled into the afternoon. Where were these blight knights or whatever they were called? Amari promised that they would be here eventually. What did I have to do to get these assholes over here? Was there like some sort of danger signal? A series of oddly-colored torches that lit up to summon the heroes wherever they were needed? Did I have to start the festivities early to bring them out of hiding or something?

My lungs filled with plague in anticipation, ready to let loose a cloud of death when the tiny bell above the doorway rang, announcing the arrival of fresh meat to the little restaurant.

There were six of them. Matching leather cuirasses and fur-lined hooded olive capes. Swords sheathed and dangling at their sides. Metal pins attached to their collars, gold formed into some sort of symbol that they shared among them.

“Is that them,” I hissed.

“The White Blight Knights?” Amari sucked her teeth. “Yep. That's them.”

I rose from my seat without a word. My breathing was increasingly ragged. Blood pounded in my temples. All I could see was red. All I could think about was death. Glorious, violent, bloody, messy, squishy, steaming, loud, satisfying death.

Somewhere, I thought I heard Amari ask me if I had a plan.

Plan?

No.

You don't plan something like this.

You walk up to your victims, drape your arms around two of them, pull 'em in close for an aggressively friendly greeting, ask them if they've been looking for you, and suddenly acid explodes out of every pore in your skin.

Which is exactly what happened.