“How the fuck are you still here,” I roared at her a second time, fists clenched and knuckles white. Every muscle, every fiber of my being wound tightly and ready to pounce.

This was not how it was supposed to go.

All this murder... All this violence and bloodshed... Supposed to push her over the edge.

Her soul was supposed to rupture, unleashing a devastating blast of dark energy that would annihilate everything around. Real apocalyptic glass the earth kind of stuff. I do not know how big the blast was supposed to be, but I remember reading in that book of hers that absolutely nothing would survive it.

Including myself.

“Why?” I stormed closer to her, my eyes stinging with tears that froze the moment the cold Salvar air touched them. “Why why why why why WHY?!”

Amari flinched slightly, the black smoke pouring from the cracks in her skin quivering as she quickly regained her composure. “I am in far greater control of my power,” she asserted, her blackened eyes holding my own hateful gaze even as I was inches from her. “And I have so much to live for.”

“Like what,” I hissed.

“Because I have--” The redhead paused for a moment, the words caught in her throat. “Because I have you. Because I have Lye.”

“Lye?” I interrupted. “Lye? You don't have him. He has you.”

Amari opened her mouth to object, but I immediately cut her off.

“You don't have him. You don't fucking have anything. You are a tool, Amari. You are his to command, his to use as he sees fit. It's in your fucking name and all, isn't it? Ar'Tuel?”

That's it. That's the look I wanted to see. The venomous words that were spilling out of my mouth struck a nerve. Oh dear, now I've hurt her feelings!

“I am not Ulroke's tool,” she protested between clenched teeth.

“Oh, you're not?” A fire was building in my belly, one that burned as hot as the day I orchestrated the assassin's ousting as Master Hand. “Let me tell you something, Amari. To Lichensith Ulroke, everyone is a tool. Everyone has a purpose. Everyone is expendable. No matter how much you may think, no matter what nice things he's forced himself to do to you these past couple months, he only does it because he knows that he can keep stringing you along, keep you loyal as long as he finds you useful.”

I jabbed a finger into the firm flesh of her abdomen. “Lucky for you, that should be for at least another year or so. At least until he can convince Advencia to care for the heir you're giving him, yeah? And after that--” I made the universal hand signal for “explosion”.

The look that Amari gave me was almost indescribable. A mixture of uncertainty, of confusion, of anger.

Good. Come closer to the edge. I beg of you.

Stop questioning yourself, and just let go.

It'll be wonderful. I promise.

“I'm no different,” I continued, my voice low. “I'm just a tool. Always have been, always will be. I know why he recruited me. I know I fell for it hook, line and sinker.” My voice shook as long-forgotten memories burst forth in my mind. “Bastard knew that I was from a long line of successful assassins. Knew I was good with the kill, and never let any frivolous morals get in the way of doing what needed to be done. Knew I would take his coin, with all the shit he promised me with that silver tongue of his. All he needed to do was point, and I’d end it.”

I shook my head. The memory of that first week in the Seventh Sanctum, where he showed me the space that would quickly become my laboratory. He catered to my every whim, acquiring the best equipment and test subjects money could buy. How he prodded me to develop the devastating plague that I'd unleash upon Eiskalt, simply because he knew I'd do it. The asshole took advantage of me, used me like the rest of the lot, then was ready to accuse me of treason and cast me aside after I took away his cause to start another war with the Ixian Knights.

My throat tightened up. A single tear managed to slide down my left cheek. “I'm so tired, Amari.”

“I'm tired of all the killing. I'm tired of all the running. My entire life, it’s all I’ve done.” I took a step back, the weight of my years and the horrible shit I've gone through crushing me. I could barely stand. I couldn't hold her fiery gaze. I... I just...

“This thing's been nothing but a curse,” I spat out, my hand weakly beating against my chest. “This fucking briarheart thing... I... I don't want it anymore. I don't want to go on. I can't do it. But I can’t get rid of it. I can’t get rid of this fucking thing!”

Twenty. Before I showed up at the Sanctum earlier this afternoon, that's how many times I've tried to kill myself. Each time more creative and devastating than the last. Each time, my stupid fucking heart would just grow me back, like a weed, and I would try once again with even more desperation.

I looked up at her. My best friend, to the very end. “I can't do this anymore.”

“Do you know what it's like living a life with your hands stained by the blood of thousands? Do you know what it's like having your body, mind, and soul corrupted by the Forgotten Ones? To only know death and hatred and fear?”

She didn't respond. Even with the crackling of the fire that encircled us, the silence was deafening.

“Of course you fucking don't,” I growled. “You were pure, once. You were whole, or complete, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. You knew happiness at one point. You weren't born corrupted, like I was. You became it. You also have the choice to leave it all behind and walk a path of good again. Just like you chose to stay by his side after he kidnapped you, tortured you, had you raped... Like the good little tool you are.”

It was getting harder to speak. My throat felt dry. I wanted a drink. Water, whiskey, anything.

Smoke continued to leak out of the fissures in Amari's skin as I continued. “I don't have that choice. I've been damned since day one. And I'm tired of it. So very, very tired.”

I drew closer. I could feel her hot breath on my skin. Her breathing was shaky. This tempest of emotion swirling around in her, the rush of adrenaline from the massacre slowly receding...

Seconds ticked away, moments that passed like hours. Around us, the village continued to burn. We stood in the middle of the slaughter, just two girls enjoying one final night together.

“Amari, I think I'm ready to go now.”

Driving my shoulder into her chest, I knocked her on her ass. Clouds of blood-soaked snow exploded as we collapsed to the frozen earth. Before she could defend herself, I pinned her arms to the ground and wrapped my hands around her neck.

She was close, so very close to letting go. It was the only way. The complete disintegration of her soul would unleash a wave of malevolent energy that was strong enough to eat away the powerful magic that powered my briarheart. That cursed organ would rot away to nothingness. No chance of regeneration.

I could finally get the peace that I so dearly craved.

Amari's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as she struggled underneath me. Her face began turning purple from the lack of oxygen.

I squeezed tighter. I could feel her trachea starting to give.

“Just... let... go!”

A fresh round of tears spilled down my cheeks. “Please!”