Story
Storytelling, Setting, and Pacing

This was a cute little read that in many ways felt like a very children-friendly G rated sort of story. I could see this being read by elementary school kids in its sort of gentle and sweet affection. Everything is so mild and innocent that to my jaded self almost wants to yawn at it. Still, it glided along in the same gentle manner as the Aynur and Varin have for one another. The setting seemed simple enough and localized for a relaxed day at the festival, with no major surprises in store but two kids on a date. The biggest blip I felt in the experience was that, though the focus seemed the bonding of these two innocent kids, there was a hint at another major antagonist without any real closure. The two appearances of the red-eyed entity were hinted and then left unaddressed, which I try to avoid. I think it more practical to tie up any loose ends as well as possible, even in a short thread, even if the loose end isn't tied permanently.


Character
Communication, Action, and Persona

It was so innocent that it hurt. The gestures were between the likes of two pre-teens who barely entered puberty and don't know what to do with the butterflies they feel or act on it. Otherwise the events that transpired and behavior of the characters seemed all well and good and gave me a sense of the pair. I can't help but wonder how normal their day was in comparison to the rest of their experiences. Althanas has always felt dangerous as so many authors write more action oriented events with combat and trials and such. By no means was your approach bad, but it does make me think about how the rest of their days are and how they address conflict.


Prose
Mechanics, Clarity, and Technique

There were silly mechanical mistakes here and there, and I think I saw something to be questioned in every post. There weren't any major elements of technique, and the hinting at the red-eyed character actually fell flat in the end because it was left unanswered. All the same, the read was light, smooth, and clear. That's part of why I feel it's pretty accessible to a younger audience, albeit with some word choice that would be tweaked for that purpose. Nothing wild here.


Wildcard

This was a light and easy read to enter back into the workshop routine for myself. I still have a pretty simple perception of the two characters. I know Varin is a drakari (dragonborn from D&D as Phi mentions). I think Aynur is just human. Don't remember her hair color. I recall the blindfold plenty. Her aura-vision never really got an explanation, or why she was ruffled by the aura she saw (I assume she saw the same red-eyed creature from the start). But this felt like a very simple stick-figure kind of thread that tells you the story without bogging it down with too much depth that strains the brain.