Shattered Soul and Heart

[Amari]

I opened my eyes to darkness and the fresh scent of loamy earth. My skin tickled and prickled feeling it beneath me. I wriggled my fingers and allowed them to dig into the dirt. It was odd, it both comforted me and sickened me to the point where I felt as though I would heave what little contents were in my stomach across the floor. Taking a deep breath I tried to ground myself. I closed my eyes again but all I could feel was the earth, and a throbbing pain. It's pain... and I was the cause. Of course I was... it was all I did, it was what I was c͉̯͎̟͝rḛ͕͎͓͖́a̝͞t̤̲̘̘̞͞ed̴̪̣͈̩͖ to do.

I groaned as I sat up hand pressing a hand to my head. Damn... I felt hot. Something wasn't entirely right I struggled to see, to sit, to breathe. It was though existing was a struggle. This was not me. I was far stronger than this I am S̻̻̭̰c̤̜͘à̫̙̳̳̣r̘͙̳̣̰͔l͕͉ͅẹ͎̖̲ţ͔̘̥̜, I can defeat this feeling.

I glanced toward Ulroke. His Jacket, tattered and burnt at the sleeve lay by his side leaving his wounded chest exposed. It glistened, even in the darkness. I pursed my lips, he had not healed himself. Normally, he'd be able to suture such a wound shut. It must have been due to the...the... I furrowed my brows, thoughts were so hard to grasp right now.

Why was he here?

Why was I?

Oh...

That's right... he had been poisoned, and his answer to fix that was to get absurdly drunk.

"If I were to k-" My words stopped, as I struggled to piece together a solid sentence, it felt as though each time I tried to form a thought I'd loose it just as quickly. "-To Kill you...I'd have done it in the tavern." A low sigh escaped his lips as he drawled out a command. He wanted warmth. Unlike her, he had no ability to withstand the cold. Unlike her, he was bleeding out.

"Right...wood..."

And it took all my efforts to stand, the world around me span and I had to shuffle out from under the shelter with one hand against my head, and the other, my abdomen. Anything to alleviate the symptoms. It wasn't exactly hard finding dried wood...anything I touched began to dry up and wither. I used it to my advantage and pulled apart lush ferns which crumpled in my fingertips. Drying to brittle yellow and brown stems. There were a few logs beneath an overhanging branch which were relatively dry. I picked them up, and in delirium returned to our little shelter. I dropped the wood and dry kindling before I collapsed to my knees, breathing heavily.

Silence fell between us. I wasn't sure if he was still conscious, or if he was waiting for me to finish my 'task'

wait... what was that task again?

I stared blankly at the logs before me, why on earth did we have those in here? Was it some sort of joke? Was he testing the miasmatic effects of my soul? Wait. No. Fire. We needed fire. I pushed myself up again, fueled only by an iron will of determination. I grabbed his jacket, which hissed, parts of it burning in my grip as I started to fish through his many pockets. Finding what I needed I pulled out fire-starters, two rocks with etchings on them.

I dropped his jacket, not caring about whatever damage happened to it. It was new, to have the effects so strong but I struggled to remain curious as to the why. I clacked the stones together, with each loud snap sparks flew, alighting the small hideaway. Finally, they hit the kindling. Smoke formed, then a small flame. I leaned down, and with a ragged breath blew gently till the flames grew strong and steady.

We were close, he only mere inches from me. I could feel the prickled goosebumps of his skin against my own. The hand I used to steady myself lay in a cold pile of his own ichor. I absently rubbed my fingers together, feeling its velveteen slick against my skin. I kept my gaze to the fire. What was...hi͈̣̝̝̻̜ͅs̰̞̩ ̪͓n̩͖͍̪̝ͅa̰̳͕̗̮̠m̗̤e̫͚̝ a̩͈̱̲̝̙g̻a̩̝̺̙i̭̥̦̳͇͙ͅn̹͉̲̫̲͚̱?̻͉̮̜̜ What was ... what was it? Why couldn't I remember?

Seconds passed before it came to me.

"Lye..." My voice was low, and again I found myself talking without realizing what I was saying, I didn't even recall the words coming out of my mouth. "I do not...want you to die. You are the only constant I have. Everything and everyone else has crumpled beneath and around me." I glanced down at my own cracked skin, blackened lines thick and angry covered most of my sickly looking skin.

Did I always look this way?

I clenched then released my fist, swaying slightly. Still blurry... everything was so blurry and fuzzy. Did I just say something? I couldn't remember.