Hey Nevin, nice job on this story. I figured since I've approved your character 3+ times I should check out what he's about a little, and I was not disappointed. I hope you find this commentary helpful in some way - feel free to contact me if you have any questions!

Plot

Story: You took a fairly direct approach to introducing various story elements, and while this worked for your style in this area, it left things a little lacking in other aspects of the rubric. I liked how you immediately linked Nevin's abilities to the plot with his skin humming. However I think you could have done a lot more to provide history on the cult early on. As it was, I was somewhat left in the dark until later posts provided some illumination. Unfortunately this wasn't so much "I wonder what's going to happen," as it was "I don't understand why things are happening." Also, don't be afraid of writing in scenes. Your story doesn't have to be one continuous take, and in this case I think starting with an earlier scene that provides some background would have really benefited the story.

Setting: The chosen setting - Radasanth and the buildings within it - was adequately described, albeit in a manner I've never quite seen before. I've never heard of Radasanth having appealing beaches, but I suppose anything is possible. At first you did a great job of engaging multiple senses - the stench of the city really brought it to life. However as things wore on the setting became more a list of descriptions, some of which were fairly unimportant. Remember to keep your setting spicy by writing what your character notices and why, not just what's there. You did a good job bringing your stronger descriptions back at the end, but I would definitely advise you to have Nevin notice a little more with all of his senses from time to time.

Pacing: The passage of time was pretty steady at first, but got a little rocky at the beginning of post #8. The first line of that post was fairly jarring and seemed like an unnecessary segue. Up until that point, everything had been a steady flow, and it would have only taken a sentence or two to properly describe people filtering out of the room. Using the word "now" like that is usually jarring, in fact you did it later on in the same post with "taking in everything in the area he was now in." You could have cut the word "he" and everything after it, and that sentence would have worked much better. After that you got back on track pretty well, and did a good job of speeding things up through most of the boring parts to skip to things more relevant to the plot. I do however think you need to work on starting with your best stuff - immediately bringing scenes to life with dialogue and action will do a lot more than slowly describing them from a single static viewpoint.

Character

Communication: Your dialogue was quite good, I enjoyed how different people (in particular the preacher) had different ways of talking, and I encourage you to continued down this path, using dialogue to differentiate characters. I do think that you like the internal monologue a little too much... In particular I found the beginning of post 17 quite dry, and having Nevin bouncing ideas off of someone else rather than just brooding over them himself might have helped. I would also like to challenge you to write a full thread without using any colored text. I'm sure some people like it but it can be quite annoying/distracting, especially when reading an entire paragraph of it. If you find you miss using the color, maybe be a little more choosy about where/how you use it.

Action: The first scene of this story could definitely have benefited from some action. This would not necessarily have needed to be a fight scene; just something that shows some of Nevin's physical skills and gives us a broader picture of who he is. In the first post he thought things, felt things, sensed things, but he didn't really do much. The sooner you get your character moving on some kind of action, the sooner the reader can become engaged with them. As it was the doing nothing lasted until about the end of post 3, and I did learn that Nevin has patience from that, so kudos to you. When the fight scene did happen it was quite well represented, I didn't have too difficult a time following what was happening despite the... uniqueness... of the Scarlet Letter. Overall I'd encourage you to keep your descriptions of action clear and concise, and use MORE actions throughout your posts to keep the reader engaged.

Persona: I enjoyed the references to other characters such as Stare and Elthas, but I felt they could have been better explained. If I wasn't already familiar with these characters, the references would not have made much sense to me. From Nevin, I didn't get much sense of his persona early on, which could have been fixed with a more involved opening scene as I suggested above. However, by the end of the story I did have a decent idea of the kind of person Nevin is. I really think that following the advice I gave you in Action and Communication will help you bring Nevin's personality to life even more.

Prose

Technique: I didn't notice any significant use of advanced literary technique, so I'm going to use this area to provide a few quick pointers. Here's a chunk of text taken from the thread;
Quote Originally Posted by Post #11
Nevin was now standing upright, his eyes, normally a dark shade, blazing with hate and magic, burning bright crimson as he met the black and red gaze of the twisted priest. The other man was still unnaturally still, his head cocked slightly to one side at an strange angle that normally would have been disconcerting.
"Nevin was now standing upright" was a little jarring, and would have worked much better as "Nevin stood upright". Also a little re-arranging could have cut down on the number of commas in this sentence.
"The other man was still unnaturally still," - Avoid using two homonyms so close together, it can be quite jarring.
"strange angle that normally would have been disconcerting." - You pretty much said it was a strange angle then re-described what a strange angle is. Although it's easy for them to slip through, try to avoid such redundancies.

Mechanics: For the most part your mechanics were solid, I would just recommend re-reading your posts out loud so that you catch some of those nasty typos. Otherwise well done.

Clarity: I like your straight to the point style, it keeps the majority of your writing quite clear. However at times you do tend to get lost in internal monologue / telling too much rather than ever showing. Livening things up with a little more action and dialogue is sure to set you on the right path, and giving posts that extra re-read will also help you notice anything that may be a bit muddy.

Wildcard: Well done! I hope to see another thread from you in the workshop soon, hopefully with less colored text :P