Let me preface this by saying I enjoyed reading this thread and it was quite the good tale to spin. You provided excellent amounts of background, allowing me to make sense of your character without ever really reading your profile.

Now, onto the review. First off, I commend you for your excellent proofreading. I didn’t really check that deeply into it, but from what checking I did do, you were fairly solid. Good spelling, excluding a couple mistakes here and there. Well constructed posts, they flowed very nicely into each other, personally didn’t really have any issue shifting from post-to-post. There were also minor issues with comma placement, especially in post 7.

Another great facet of your writing is the excellent imagery that you provoke in your reader’s mind. The descriptions that you’ve managed to conjure up really do make it so much more enjoyable to read your writing. The stylistic detail (especially when describing the people inside the tavern) is excellent. I will note that the only passing mention of the benches and tables was a bit odd, considering the great detail added about the shutters and grime. It was slightly off putting to only get a sentence about a rather major feature of the tavern. It somewhat interrupted the flow of the paragraph, but not in a major fashion. This also applies to the effort you put into the description of the preacher. It really provoked thought with his words and the descriptions of the actions that you wrote. Excellent work. Further, the use of bolding and color changes later on in the thread aids greatly with comprehension. It’s pretty neat.

I do have a major issue at this point. Post 3, you suddenly switch from speaking about a ‘being’ in the general, to a more specific but still general ‘brother.’ The shift from a general concept to one being more dependent upon one’s understanding of your backstory is a tad jarring. It messes with how the rest of the thread balances, that bit. Another issue I found was the odd wording of the second bit of Crimson dialogue in post 7. There’s a lot of shifting there, as if you wrote it one way, added in a couple words, and forgot to erase some. There’s also some odd commas in there, but that comes with writing, as I do it all the time. Post 8 is another one with that issue, so I’d suggest working on that somehow. (They seem to be moreso compensating for run on sentences there, however.)

There is one weird bit in the latter half of the thread that bothers me. “It darted forward, suddenly rushing around the table after than Nevin anticipated, apparently mistaking his trembling as fear, instead of the rage that was consuming him” which seems to be filled with a bit of redundancy. Darted forward implies sudden-ness, and the after is supposed to be ‘faster’, i’m assuming.

Otherwise, I found relatively few mistakes beyond that. None that aren’t covered by earlier statements. Kudos.